AITA for wanting my husband to start paying more for our housing?

Hi all. For reference, I am 29f and my husband is 30m. We’ve been together since I was 20, and got married when I was 26. When we moved in together when I was 25, we were splitting our rent evenly. I was making 65k and he was making 80k, and we live in a large US city. It didn’t really make a huge difference in my budget vs his to split rent 50/50 for 2600 a month rent.

However, things have changed. I got pregnant a few months after we go married (which we were so happy about and wanted). I didn’t want to not work, but I wanted to be home with our baby, so I found a full time remote job in my field of work. The downside is I took a cut to my salary from 65k to 50k. We continued to split rent in our apartment.

My husband, between being 26 and 30, has received a number of raises and has switched his job. He is now a senior business analyst, making roughly 195k a year. Since we were having a child, we were going to need a bigger apartment. We found a 3 bedroom for 4000k per month. He still wanted to split rent evenly, despite my protests, and despite me wanted to try to find a smaller apartment for less. In the end, I sort of let myself get walked over because he really is such a smooth talker and I do love him.

Anyway, flash forward 2.5 years, our rent has increased to 4400k. My take home pay monthly after taxes is roughly 3600k. I am paying 2.2k monthly in rent. I am also taking care of our baby and our home, doing chores, and cooking daily. My husband works from 8 - 6, but typically doesn’t get home until 7. I am burnt out. I barely have enough money per month to do things I enjoy. I feel like I am financially struggling while my husband is living a life of luxury. Yes he does take me out on dates and on vacation, but he doesn’t seem to understand that this is not enough for me.

I spoke to him two days ago very seriously, and when I asked about trying to split rent based on our income and pay an equal percentage of our income so that it is more fair than fully equal. His reaction stunned me. He asked me why having 1.6k extra a month wasn’t enough for me. I told him I’m not saving anything. He told me I should spend less on extracurricular activities - which makes me laugh because what extracurricular activities? All I do is work, cook, clean, shop for the house and raise our child. I told him I am basically working two full time jobs at once and I need help. Then he asked me if I am suggesting he pay me for being a mother and that stunned me - I really had no response to that.

Anyway, he told me that this is the lifestyle we agreed when we moved in together way back when. However, he doesn’t seem to understand, or rather does not want to understand.

Now he is mad with me because he thinks I am being selfish and has been acting cold to me these past few days. I am getting the itch to apologize and take it back like I always do, but I really feel I am right here.

Am I the asshole?

EDIT: Thank you all for all of the responses. I can honestly say I did not expect to get this feedback.

I am honestly overwhelmed and cannot reply to all of you, especially while I am working but I wanted to update some things here.

I love my husband with all my heart, and it is heartbreaking for me to read these comments and realize that I am being taken advantage of. I need to figure out the best way to approach this issue and solve it before it gets too far. I want to work this out and the fear of being alone is haunting me.

Yes I did sign a prenup that was overseen by his family attorney. My husband comes from extreme wealth and I was young and stupid and went with it. Head over heels like my mother always said I was.

As for his family - we get along great and they love me. It’s very confusing because they are such incredibly generous people, and they are family. But they don’t know about our financial situation because my husband and I believe that our marriage is private. And I would feel like I was betraying him by telling them.

I’m sorry I cannot reply to all of you, but please know I am reading all of the comments and making of plan of approach with them.

EDIT 2: for those talking about the dates and vacations bit that he pays for - I have asked him numerous times to help lighten my financial load instead of going on these trips and dates and he has refused. He said he can do what he wants with his money and if he wants to take us on vacation that is what he will pay for. If I could afford vacation I would pay. In fact, when we were in a more even financial situation, unmarried, not kids - I paid for almost ALL of our vacations and dates because I love to treat people. And I can’t do that anymore.

EDIT 3: I also DO NOT have bad spending habits. I worked my way out of my student loan debt in two years after graduating. I saved 60k but the time we got married, and I have that all in my retirement which I am thankful for because I can no longer contribute to it. This has NOTHING to do with how I spend. I am actually pretty frugal when it comes to shopping, especially since I prefer to keep things cheap for my budget.

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