FDS and Instructors?

shockingupdate · 2021-09-24T04:17:15+00:00

I think this is a bit different than the usual block and delete situations we see in here. It’s a group class, you don’t know him personally, and he’s not going to know that what he’s used to saying off the cuff is offending anybody unless he’s made aware of it. So in this case, though in most circumstances this is pickme behavior, I genuinely think it’s fair and right for you to communicate that you’re uncomfortable with it.

And if he doesn’t make an effort to acknowledge that and adjust his behavior when you’re in his class, find another class.

Chubby-Lovie · 2021-09-24T06:29:11+00:00

If he is a person that puts in effort then he will understand that yelling might be triggering other ppl too. Self defense classes are taken by vulnerable people more often than not or ppl with past trauma.

Platipus6 · 2021-09-24T04:32:24+00:00

It's an unfortunate trigger to have. In the real world, that type of abuse will occur again so you're going to have to become comfortable with it.

Perhaps pause the sessions and try therapy, breathwork, EDMR or journalling until you're no longer triggered. Then you can focus on the training properly and be skilled in dealing with it when it inevitably occurs again IRL.

Connecticut06482 · 2021-09-24T04:33:31+00:00

From a therapeutic perspective, maybe you could also look at this as way to challenge and overcome those triggers. Naturally some people are never able to and it’s understandable. Like everything, it’s individual. However a goal for trauma survivors is to learn how to live life again with less triggers, and take ownership of their feelings and body in triggered situations (that they know are safe, like your self defense class).

If you want to of course, just ask him to tone down that kind of stuff. There would be no harm in asking and voicing your preference.

However, it is a self defense class so that type of energy is the norm. All of his emphasis on safety as well sounds like a plus. From your post it sounds overall like its a positive class for you. It seems like a safe space to allow yourself to feel those feelings and triggers, which make sense happening in a self defense class.

If you haven’t already, I’d suggest reading “The Body Keeps Score.” He talks in depth about how intense exercise like you are doing and moving the body is excellent healing for trauma victims. It allows you to teach yourself to bring your body to an elevated state and energy (exercise), and then being it back down calmly again.

BlueSkiesOverLondon · 2021-09-24T13:04:27+00:00

Given how normal this type of thing is in a lot of self-defense and martial arts classes, I think it’s worth approaching him and asking him to stop. You don’t really lose anything if he doesn’t comply since you are already looking for a new dojo, and if he’s as good as you say, maybe he’ll surprise you.

I don’t mean to put additional pressure on you because of your trauma, but personally one of the things I most struggled with on my level-up journey was learning to advocate for myself. If you feel up to it, this could be an opportunity for you to practice reclaiming your needs and making them clear out loud.

ChocoBananza · 2021-09-24T09:07:28+00:00

I’m into martial arts my whole life, and I’m pissed beyond belief at this. Why in the name of fuck are you taking self defence classes if you feel uncomfortable with generic yelling?

Oh! Maybe that’s why you are taking them… true, there is room for improvement. Now, what exactly do you think happens in real life situation? How will you overcome your fears if you don’t deal with them, in the safest possible environment, with an instructor you feel comfortable with?

A PSA: No woman should use any fancy self defence tricks without years of practice. It can put us in even more danger, and we’re risking more wrath from out attacker. In the meantime (before you become a master), self defence classes serve as a mechanism for gaining more self esteem and more strength, which on it’s own is deterring predators. If god forbid, the need arises to apply your skills, stick to the hit-and-run tactic. Don’t be a hero, don’t use fancy leverages, and for the name of fuck, get yourself out of there any way you can.

2ndMrsDeWinter · 2021-09-25T04:31:24+00:00

I definitely DEFINITELY have issues advocating for myself. I’m the type to think I’m overreacting and will try to go with the flow no matter what. But since finding FDS and dumping my NVX, I’m trying to get better at it, or at least better at taking myself out of negative situations faster. Thank you for the advice and encouragement!

Title	FDS and Instructors?
Author	2ndMrsDeWinter
Upvotes	78
Comments	15
Date	September 24, 2021 4:07 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/puc178/fds_and_instructors/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/fds-and-instructors.1074648 https://theredarchive.com/post/1074648

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