Why Men Won't Commit: For Real

Snap65 · 2010-10-21T15:08:41+00:00

[permanently deleted]

aetheralloy · 2010-10-21T06:28:46+00:00

Ever watch a video and think "the people who need to watch that probably never will"?

menaregood · 2010-10-22T11:19:30+00:00

Thank you all for your comments about the video. I am the author and just found this thread. I had a couple of comments.

Our differences and uniqueness are a wonderful part of humanity. Trying to lump all men in one pile and women in another is of course, off the mark. Have a look at the brain research to get an idea of how this works. The researchers tell us that about 60% of men have what is being termed the masculine brain, 20% have a hybrid and then 20% have something more like what is being called a feminine brain. Women are the same with about 60% having a feminine brain, 20% having a hybrid and then 20% having more what is being called a masculine brain. These of course are very rough estimates but they give us an idea of how complicated and confusing these issues can become. It helps us to see that everyone will have an aunt Sally who always wanted to be a nose tackle in the NFL and an uncle Billy who loves pink tights and crochetes doilies. We gotta learn to love them both. The feminine males and the masculine ladies but we also need to know that the majority will have some very common qualities. Most importantly, the exception does not disprove the rule. Because your aunt Sally plays LB for your local team does not disprove that it is more likely for men to want to play football.

Biology has helped us immensely in understanding just how our differences have evolved. They have found that one sex is usually the "competitors" and the others are the "choosers." This general rule holds true for the vast majority of mammals and also of primates. One sex has more to do with gestation, child birth, and child care and the opposite sex COMPETES for their services. We can see this in humans where men compete for reproductive access to females and the females CHOOSE who will be the winner in that competition. What is fascinating is that biology has also found that there are some potent differences between the "Competers" and the "Choosers." The competitors are physically larger, slower to develop, more competitive, more aggressive, more violent, and have a shorter lifespan. This general rule is true for the majority of mammals and primates and the thinking now is that it also applies to humans. If this is correct, and I think that it is, it tells us a great deal about our differences.

They have also found that in some animal populations (seahorse, red-necked phalarope, sandpiper) that things are reversed! It is the males who do more of the child care, gestation etc. Guess what happens? The female seahorse is physically larger than the male, more aggressive and violent, slower to develop and has a shorter lifespan. It's not about the sex it's about whether one is a competer or a chooser.

Anyone wanting more info about this can find it in a wonderful book titled "Male, Female: The Evolution of Human Sex Differences." It is filled with data and is a scholarly tome with over 100 pages of references to journal articles.

We as men and women are very different and this is starting to come out now and breaking through the lace curtain. Thank Goodness!

volition87 · 2010-10-21T08:29:10+00:00

Needs more views and more awareness in the wider community.

Sarcasticus · 2010-10-21T07:33:42+00:00

My only argument is that it's not necessarily true that the man gives up all his dreams when he gets married. But I think it's true that the man's goals move from himself to the family. In that sense, there is a loss.

codered1322 · 2010-10-21T16:25:20+00:00

Women piss me off but you can achieve your dreams and get married. Just don't settle for less and then blame it on your wife.

Mottebayo · 2010-10-21T21:27:16+00:00

I wanted to be an MLB player when I grew up. Alas, some things just don't happen that way. Why can't we have realistic dreams? Who decided to make us have improbable dreams only then for us to be disappointed when most of us don't achieve them? :(

2010-10-21T20:47:57+00:00

Why can't the man be an astronaut just because he's married? Many astronauts are married. As are racecar drivers and whatever other dreams the video mentioned. Also, most guys have a career before they get married so if you're not doing what you'd like to be doing that isn't the fault of marriage.

Also I feel bad for any women whose only dreams are to have a house and a baby. What was she planning to do when the baby grows up?

Shuttlecock · 2010-10-21T07:38:22+00:00

this is a great video and every women needs to see it.

lanana · 2010-10-21T19:48:42+00:00

Eh... In order to avoid stereotyping (why can't men commit), the author decides to stereotype (women dream of marriage, men dream of sports and space and such). The problem is that the men's dreams are unrealistic. The chances of being a pro athlete are infinitesimally small, same with the chances of going to space, or being a racecar driver or fighterplane pilot. But, instead of being honest with himself and saying "hm, let's aim lower" or "it wasn't going to happen anyway", the man basically says "I would have realized my dreams if I hadn't gotten married" I hope that isn't what's going on here.

What men give up in marriage is fantasy. He gives up the fantasy of other women (beautiful, insatiable women who only wear sexy underwear), he gives up the fantasy of being a pro athlete, or going to space. He doesn't give up a "dream", because the dream was literally never going to happen. He's not giving up an opportunity, he's being forced to recognize the reality of the situation.

Here's the thing though: women are doing it, too. Yes, women dream about the baby, the house, the family, the relationship (guys do, too, but I'll discuss that in a moment); but they dream about an idealized version of it. If the "male" dream is an idealized version of a career and lifestyle, the "female" dream is an idealized version of a family and relationship. She doesn't get it, either. She doesn't get prince charming, she gets a person.

So, why do marriages fail? Unrealistic dreams. If we take the author's purported dreams at face value, both sides are disappointed. The woman, dreaming of a perfect marriage to a perfect man (supportive, caring, yet assertive and protective, handsome, faithful, and giving) is disappointed when her husband isn't all of those things. The man, dreaming of a perfect career and lifestyle, is disappointed when he gets less sex (or just less exciting sex), and realizes that he'll never be able to quit his job to write the Great American Novel. Neither side is happy because neither side was realistic.

But, as promised, let's talk about those dreams. I've yet to date a girl who dreamed about weddings and babies (perhaps part of that is dating women on track to become doctors, lawyers, and IT professionals), they instead had dreams about their careers. For my part, I do dream about relationships and having a family. I set my sights for my life's dream (being a lawyer) within reach, and now that I have it, I want a relationship.

Perhaps the question should be "what type of men don't want to commit?" And the answer is those who aren't satisfied with their lives as they are.

edit: saw a grammar issue.

AnnArchist · 2010-10-21T17:28:36+00:00

fucking hilarious. lol

i77 · 2010-10-21T15:26:05+00:00

Great video.

pastaghetti · 2010-10-21T18:23:10+00:00

Alas, sir, those of us with broken speakers, online in a public place, or who are deaf are unable to partake of the content of your video. Perhaps you might contemplate transcribing it, so that even more good folk may learn your message?

NihilisticAbandon · 2010-10-21T19:21:15+00:00

So does that mean that men who beat their wives are the masters of trolling?

Title	Why Men Won't Commit: For Real
Author	avoiceformen
Upvotes	63
Comments	55
Date	October 21, 2010 4:57 AM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/du7us/why_men_wont_commit_for_real/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/why-men-wont-commit-for-real.1046652 https://theredarchive.com/post/1046652

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