Has anyone been falsely accused of domestic violence, or called the police on a woman who was violent to you?

billyfazz · 2011-04-07T18:40:09+00:00

I was married for just over four years. I was slapped, choked, and punched dozens of times, but I never did anything about it until the last time. I knew I needed to go to the hospital so I called 9-1-1. When the State Police and the ambulance showed up (both got there at the same time), my wife in such disbelief that I had actually called the cops that she just got really quiet and didn't say anything. The cops and the EMTs took one look at my injuries (struck 30-40 times with the steel rod end of a caulk gun) and immediately put her in handcuffs. I spent about 10 hours in the hospital and by the time I got back home, she had packed up a bunch of stuff and left. Just before I left the hospital, the State Police had already set up a protective order for me. A few weeks later, when my wife came to pick up some more stuff, the State Police had no qualms about coming out and being there when I asked them to be.

I really think having the State Police respond to the incident, rather than local or county cops, made all the difference. Afterward, the lack of support in court and the complete absence of male victims' services was absurd, but the day that it happened was probably a pretty good example of cops doing the right thing.

tl;dr - I had a good experience with the State Police responding to my domestic violence incident. She got kicked out of the house and I got a very effective protective order.

Celda · 2011-04-07T18:14:15+00:00

Yes,

In one of our "nothing" fights, we made the mistake of being outside, as I had only tried to convince her to go back in and lay down. Voices were getting progressively louder, eventually she didn't like what I was saying and struck me in the face. She proceeded to grab me and I pulled the classic "arms crossed pushing her away from me maneuver".

Neighbors, not sure who, called the cops they arrived as I had backed about 30 ft. away and was talking to her while trying to call a cab to get her home.

At that time thankfully I was a new reader to mensrights and had done everything I could to keep the situation non-physical. When the cops showed up however, I was terrified. Especially after knowing how truly few rights I actually had, I was terrified I would go to jail for simply defending myself. In particular I was terrified that this girl, who was already extremely emotionally worked up and pissed off because I was not acquiescing to her demands of letting her be "right", would make a story up and tell the cops I was beating her. She was already sobbing from the sheer intensity of the situation, so who looked "battered". I thought she would because in her head she already had told me to take my "hands" off of her when I removed her death grip from my collar; she was already entitled to thinking I was the aggressor.

So, with all my best stride I told the cops my story after prefacing it with, I don't think you're going to believe me anyway but here it goes...

I never even mentioned her hitting me, although in retrospect I wish I would have, I wish she would have gone to jail to learn that that is not acceptable behavior. In the end the cops let me call a taxi to get her home while they waited with me, I paid the taxi bill for like a 40 mile trip, afterwards the cops assured me that I shouldn't worry no one was going to jail and that maybe I should take this as a sign that the relationship isn't going to work out.

This is entirely odd for my town, we have DV billboards and one of the most feminist controlled courts in the state. I don't know if it was my sincere demeanor and completely defeated look and feeling that made them actually treat me with some sort of compassion, but I am grateful not to have gotten a female cop.

TL;DR.. scariest experience in my life, thought my life was ruined. i.e. false rape charges, DV, etc.)

2011-04-07T21:11:27+00:00

This is a rather vague story I'm afraid as it didn't happen to me and I only have a mixture of second and third hand information.

Next door to my mum live two men who bought the house jointly. They grew up in the neighbourhood and used to be proper trouble makers, however they have matured now and are quite amenable.

One night in the early hours of the morning my mother was woken by banging and screaming coming from next door. This went on for some time, the police came and went and eventually she was able to finish her night's sleep.

The next day she asked about what had been happening. It happened that a group of girls who knew one of the men had kicked the door down, gone into his room where he was sleeping and proceeded to assault him. When the police arrived they told the girls to go home. They refused, verbally abusing the officers until they were forced to drag the girls out. They then repeated their instructions to the girls to go home, and after a bit more shouting they eventually left.

A man has his home broken into and is assaulted and the police don't even arrest the persons responsible. Fucking pussy pass.

Ghstfce · 2011-04-07T20:12:58+00:00

I had an abusive ex girlfriend. Most of it was verbal, and the cops being called to remove her from my apartment was nothing new. One night after she had come over after drinking quite heavily, she flipped out on me as we were walking up the steps to my apartment door. I was behind her on the landing standing at the top step. As she got more and more angry she pushed me as hard as she could. In reaction as I was about to fall down a full flight of stairs I reached out to stable myself, grabbing her arm.

People from other apartments were already in the hallway seeing what was going on when it happened. Once I grabbed her arm and caught my balance, she started SCREAMING "You just tried to throw me down the stairs! I can't believe you would do that to me! Why would you want to hurt me?!!!?" One of the neighbors had already called the police and they walked in the door at the bottom of the stairs. They separated us and began to question us as to what happened.

I told the officer that she had come over completely wasted and started screaming at me. I told him this was nothing new. I also that once we got to the top of the stairs she tried to push me down the stairs and in my attempt to catch myself from falling I grabbed onto her arm. Her story was completely different from what happened. "He hit me then tried to throw me down the stairs..." Luckily, the neighbor that saw the whole thing came over to the police and corroborated my story as to what really happened.

They ended up telling her to go home and told me not to let her come over anymore. They admitted to me that they would have likely arrested and charged me if not for a few reasons. 1. This isn't the first time they've had to be involved in removing her from the premises. 2. I was completely sober, she was intoxicated. 3. The neighbor hadn't have witnessed what happened. I was so happy. It was that night that set things into motion that sometimes it's better to be alone than have someone that tortures you.

tl;dr: She came over drunk, tried to push me down stairs but it didn't work. Police were called. She said I threw her down stairs. Neighbor saw the whole thing and saved my ass.

ignatiusloyola · 2011-04-07T17:29:53+00:00

I had a partner say they were scared of me simply because I got sick and tired of being yelled at and I raised my voice to say "Stop yelling" back... But no actual altercations.

powerpiglet · 2011-04-07T20:20:20+00:00

I once got into a fight with my soon-to-be-ex wife. She had attacked me, but I didn't retaliate against her. When the cops showed up, I was bleeding a bit (nothing bad needing medical attention, just a couple of band-aids) but she didn't have a mark on her.

After we had each told our side of the story, we were back together in a group, and one of them said to me "You don't have to have hit her, she just has to say you hit her." It completely changed my assessment of the situation. If we'd been alone when he said that, I would have taken it as him saying "You're lucky she didn't lie", but it took on a very different implication because she was right there listening. It seemed at best very unprofessional, and at worst like he was suggesting to her that she should just say I hit her so that they could take me away.

Thankfully she wasn't willing to say that, and they let me leave eventually with no legal repercussions.

Aavagadrro · 2011-04-07T21:59:21+00:00

Yeah I have. Bitch is bi polar, emotionally and physically abusive, manipulative, and will lie about anything. When teh cops would come by they would ignore the cuts, scratches, and bruises on me, and ask if I hit her or anything. They would laugh about a 140lb woman beating on a 230lb man.

She took off one day after I told her I didnt want her being abusive to our 2 year old daughter, she went to the womens shelter, said I was beating her, and they never asked for proof of anything. I was barred from seeing my kids, and they rolled out the red carpet for her, even provided her with a truck to haul all my stuff out of the house. The cops kept me across the street while she had them do the moving.

After our divorce I was going to spend the summer with my kids where I live now. She talked my oldest into not going along, the youngest wouldnt listen to her bullshit. Well she came out to get the oldest at my parents farm, and she started shit with me again. Ripped my shirt, scratched me all over my face, neck and chest, and when the county sheriff pulled her over they told him that I had pushed her and hit her. I had my hands in my pockets the entire time she was hitting me, just taking it. Bitch should have gone to jail, but her lies almost made them arrest me even though there was no mark on her.

Like I said before, fuck Nebraska. Fuck the bullshit laws that protect these evil cunts.

flip69 · 2011-04-07T20:26:12+00:00

Yes.

My own sister attacked me and others in my family on different occasions. She usually goes so far as to not only attack but to also make the 911 call for the cops to arrive. The last time she played it up as if 6'1" 250lbs was in the process of taking her and her 5 year old sons life!

She even went outside (as per the 911 operators directions and locked her self in the car... (leaving her son alone in the house crying in the living room btw) but attempted to block me in the driveway (until the operator told her to let me go and unblock my car) Anyway, I managed pack up my things and leave before the police arrived... thinking it was better than chance the arrest she was setting up for me.

Police were concerned and taking her story until our parents arrived home from church 15 min later ( I had already given them the heads up phone call as to what to expect by then).

They explained that she's had a past history of attacking others (including themselves) and that I had a " every right" to be in the house with no history of anything she accused me of. She was examined and her wrists were showing "wrist burns" from my holding her back and that she admitted that she hit me first and that I didn't punch her at any time... only attempting to grab her fists and hold her down.

Still she claimed that I attacked her and that I was dangerous to both herself and her kid... largely because I was a male and bigger than her I had to be the bad guy and aggressor. Basically, by the end of it she was in the sergeant's face "ordering" him to go to my apartment and arrest me that evening so she could press charges.

To his credit (according to my fathers description) he looked at her and told her that he could see exactly what was happening and that "IF I was still there, SHE would be the one to go to jail that evening" He then told all the other officers present that they were leaving.

The bottom line in all of this is this: She would have most likely succeeded in her attack and jailing me if it wasn't for my parents both explaining to the police her past history. She had the child and lived in the house while I was just helping my parents with work so she had the leverage.. IF it wasn't for my parents arrival I doubt they would have believed much I had to say.

I later found out that the most likely reason why she attacked me in the first place was her anger over my parents leaving her behind on a outing with her kid... something I had NOTHING to do with...

[eidt] No I have never forgiven her for this and next time anything happens I'll make the call / stay to give my side of things and have her in cuffs. But only if I have witnesses or some sort of recording to back me up.

2011-04-07T21:01:10+00:00

Our youngest daughter was just recently potty trained and had stopped wearing nappies. It's quite common (I'm told) for toddlers to backslide at this point and start wetting themselves again. This was the case with Daughter. One day after she'd wet herself 3 times in a row I said "you know what, I'm not putting any more knickers on you today." She still had her dress on but she was free and breezy underneath. Wife started following me around demanding I put some knickers on Daugher. I refused, explained my reasons, and then suggested to Wife that if it was such a big deal she was free to do it herself. This wasn't good enough and Wife started screaming at me that she would call the police if I didn't comply. I said wut and went to bed to lie down. A few minutes later she came in and told me that she wasn't going to call the police because she didn't know the number. I looked at her like the simpleton that she was and said in an incredulous voice "It's 999 you idiot."

About 10 minutes later the police showed up and spent some time in the living room with Wife as she explained how evil I was. I stayed in bed. After a bit one of the policemen came in and said that on the basis of what he'd heard he could arrest me but was going to let me off with a warning. My eyebrows disappeared into my hairline as I considered what lies she had been telling them to provoke such a threat. He also said that if the marriage wasn't working out I should leave sooner rather than later because any suggestion of domestic violence on my record would count against me with regard to my being able to see my kids after the split.

I took this advice very seriously and left the next day before she could make any more accusations. I later learned that she had called the police on another instance when I had gone to see Stepdaughter in her school play instead of performing some chore that Wife had demanded I do. I can't even remember what the chore was.

Neither I nor Wife were physically violent during the time we lived together, but she was very controlling and emotionally abusive, caused me to flunk out of university, lose more than one job, attempt suicide and in my view was the major cause of my depression that I ended up having to take medication for. I was able to stop taking the medication about 2 months after I left. Turns out if you remove the cause of an illness, the illness goes away. Who knew?

Correction: I stated that she wasn't violent, and she wasn't, at least not to me. I did however witness her being violent towards Stepdaughter, one time dragging her around by her hair for talking back. I've always felt a strong sense of guilt for not stopping her.

cuteman · 2011-04-07T21:35:36+00:00

Very few successful false allegation stories, but a sad amount of, "she beat me, but I consider myself lucky the cops didnt arrest me anyway" stories... yikes

spankmaster · 2011-04-07T20:59:54+00:00

[permanently deleted]

pakmanishere · 2011-04-07T21:37:30+00:00

The cop tried to pick a fight with me, I had a witness and recorded the whole thing. A recording device is the new weapon against these unaccountable thugs.

throwaway_348573 · 2011-04-07T20:21:28+00:00

More than 10 years ago my (now ex) girlfriend and I got into an argument about something stupid. I've never hit a woman and never will, but she was kind of the wild type and after escalating yelling at each other and slamming doors she came at me. I was trying to hold her back by her shoulders (my arms are much longer) and did not retaliate in any way as she came at me with her fists and nails. She managed to scratch the hell out of my chest to the point where I was bleeding from several scratches (I was not wearing a shirt). Shortly after that we kind of gave up fighting and she went in the bathroom, locked the door and took a bath. I went to bed.

A few minutes later there is a loud knock on the door and I look through the peephole and there are two cops standing outside. The tenants below us must have called them because of the door slamming. I didn't want anyone to go to jail (watched enough COPS to see what happens when there are signs of violence) so I quickly put a shirt on and open the door. They asked me to step outside and if we had been fighting. I said we had an argument but everything is ok now. Then they asked me to get my girlfriend. I said she is in the bathroom taking a bath and won't come out. They kind of looked at each other like "He is trying to hide something" and then demanded she come out and talk right away.

They enter the apartment and knock on the bathroom door and she comes out. The female officer takes her in the corner and asks stuff like "Is he physical with you? You don't have to hide it we will make sure you are safe." etc. Meanwhile the male cop is giving me a lecture on not being violent and saying they will be keeping an eye on me from now on while I'm standing there hoping I'm not bleeding through my T-shirt. They left after a few minutes after lots of "We know what you did" in my direction and told me if they were called back I'd go to jail.

I've never written about this before and in retrospect it seems really fucked up to cover it up like that. Luckily those times are long behind me.

tl;dr Cops called for noisy argument where girlfriend scratches me badly, they treat me like an abusive asshole while I'm trying to cover the bleeding scratches.

PendingCataclysm · 2011-04-08T18:06:16+00:00

My wife cheated on me, and when I found out she tried to justify herself to our friends and family. She told my good friends that I would "hold her down" and that she was "scared of me". She never told anyone I hit her or caused any physical damage, but the implication was enough to turn a lot of my friends against me in the aftermath of our divorce.

I was nothing but gentle with my ex-wife the entire time we were married. I never physically held her against her will, and I never did anything that could be remotely construed as abuse, but all that doesn't matter. All that matters is what she tells people.

koncept61 · 2011-04-08T08:51:56+00:00

my ex called the police and filed a complaint that i held her against her will and kept her from leaving my house... because she was screaming and threatening to ruin my career and scream rape

i asked her to leave through my back door because

A) Its closer to her car B) She was out of control

The officer told her that i was probably controlling and what not.. but then when she heard my side of the story, we ended up chatting about my application with the police, and that she'd refer me and thinks i'd be a great fit.

nothing came of it, but it was still very eye opening how someone you love can go so low to try to hurt you.. and not even on an emotional level but your professional life... and maybe even your freedom.

ShakeyBobWillis · 2011-04-08T17:52:27+00:00

No, and neither has anyone I know.

Title	Has anyone been falsely accused of domestic violence, or called the police on a woman who was violent to you?
Author	Celda
Upvotes	46
Comments	54
Date	April 7, 2011 4:22 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/gkty1/has_anyone_been_falsely_accused_of_domestic/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/has-anyone-been-falsely-accused-of-domestic.1041279 https://theredarchive.com/post/1041279

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