What's the difference between this subreddit and the RedPillWomen subreddit?

plumgem · 2019-08-21T17:24:58+00:00

This sub doesn't believe that being a plate to a red pill man is an acceptable form of dating.

tintedlipbalm · 2019-08-21T17:53:07+00:00

TheRedPill overlooks the discussion at RedPillWomen so what is advised there depends entirely on what they deem acceptable, which tends to be in favor of the male imperative and downplaying the interests of women. This sub has wives on its name but it doesn't mean you have to be married, it means that the importance of marriage is upheld. TheRedPill is anti-marriage and pro-woman-staying-in-a-LTR-indefinitely squandering her youth because that's what the risk-averse guys over there like.

There's hardly any discussion here though because it's not endorsed or indexed by TRP network and therefore gets no referrals.

Astroviridae · 2019-08-21T21:13:17+00:00

I made a comment the last time this question was asked, so I'll just copy that here:

Ok so there's a lot of backstory as to why there are two subs (and unfortunately the relevant threads have mostly been deleted/removed). The fundamental difference I think is male participation.

Redpillwives (RPWi) is a sub ran by women for women. All of the advice given is from the female perspective in the best interest of the female strategy. Women teaching women how to be good girlfriends/wives, do what's best for their long-term, committed relationship, and to continuously grow as a person.

Conversely, redpillwomen (RPW) considers itself "guests in the house of RP," meaning they are in the redpill network and are moderated by TRP mods and TRP approved women. Because RPW allows almost all male participation "as long as the advice is red-pill," men frequently post advice that best serves their interest or occasionally, complete opposite of what is best for women. You'll get posts on RPW that advise women to become being plates first then try to get "promoted" to girlfriend status, but you will never hear that on RPWi. Not even joking, I saw a post there by an endorsed contributor supporting men cheating in their relationships and blaming it on women. Thus, RPW has sometimes been called Plate School.

RPWi was formed over this fundamental disagreement. The original female mod team of RPW disagreed with TRP vision of what a female RP sub should be and wanted to continue keeping male management out of the sub.

g_e_m_anscombe · 2019-08-21T21:37:00+00:00

So I’m going to take a stab at explaining some of it. Admittedly, I got banned by RedPillWomen, so... this might be biased. I think they would say it was for something along the lines of not being nice or kind.

In truth, I got weary of every post over there being a variation on “halp! I want to know how to do x stereotypically feminine thing that men don’t care about” or “halp! I’m having sex and living together before marriage what do I do?” Any time I suggested that this was less than RP or suggested that women should care about things that matter rather than about following the whims of popular culture, there was controversy.

I admit I’m not always the kindest person, especially online. I was probably too aggressive sometimes. It was also deliberate, to shift the Overton window of acceptable behavior in the face of almost universal rejection and failure to read the sidebar. Ultimately, it felt like RP Women was in service of men rather than in the interests of what women really wanted OR in the service of the stereotypically feminine and not the heart of femininity. I also find it hard to have good conversations online sometimes because everyone has a very different experience.

RP Women would say “feminine, not feminist” as a slogan. Feminism has gotten a bad rap in the past 70 years which is well deserved, but it’s important to not neglect the first wave of feminism. First wave feminism said that women needed protection from drunk, abusive captains. First wave feminism said that women should have the right to vote, because not all men are looking out for their best interests. Sometimes being over there is like we went back 200 years except instead of the ideal of Republican Motherhood (about preserving democracy not today’s political factions), it’s been replaced by a porn-centered shallow submissiveness to the whims of whatever man they are desperate enough to take. I believe a woman should clothe herself in dignity and strength, and she will find a better captain if she does that or she will find herself content in nun mode (which is OK too).

I’ve been reflecting on this a good deal lately - should I have been kinder? Am I in any place to give advice if I don’t feel completely happy in my marriage? For what it’s worth, the mods never contacted me to explain my ban so I’m left guessing; I didn’t want to fight it really.

I think it comes back a lot to context. I was watching Laura Doyle’s Empowered Wives and I sometimes found it very hard to watch. Sometimes people would describe their husbands and I couldn’t imagine how they could be so lucky - their husbands did the dishes, cooked dinner, etc. Laura Doyle’s husband balances the checkbook, supports her work, showers her with gifts she likes, seems an unceasing font of empathy and care. Ultimately I think it comes back to the matter of control. Some people try to control others through criticism. Men who do this drive women away. Women who do this make their men unhappy and withdraw. And if you’ve been raised in an atmosphere of criticism, you will interpret every disagreement critically even when it isn’t said that way. Being critical is not the same as having boundaries. Boundaries are about what you will or will not tolerate in how someone else treats you. That’s why vetting is very important, you are establishing what you will tolerate. In the end, we are all in a process of growing up and maturing. Some mature faster than others. What is good enough to one person is not good enough to others.

In the book Sidetracked Home Executives, they talk about the differences between their two husbands. One’s husband stepped back and supported her until they reached a happy place, the other husband continued to be critical until finally they got a divorce. She realized she could never be good enough in the face of his criticism. A stereotypical RP man would say “look at how terrible she was, she didn’t fulfill her vows, she should have just submitted to his every whim, AWALT, you can never make a woman happy.” Some other men would look at her and say “I wish I had a woman who would take care of me that way! What a foolish husband to lose her.” Two very different reads on the same situation. It’s about their perspective and attitude. I don’t know who was right. We can only catch glimpses into other people’s lives and marriages. But that’s kind of what makes marriage beautiful - no two marriages are alike even though they can all be beautiful. But they become beautiful in the interplay between both parties, not merely by one side doing and becoming whatever the other side wants.

jack_hammarred · 2019-08-24T16:52:16+00:00

u/plumgem and u/astroviridae pretty well nailed it but I’ll point you to our stickied post for some background :)

FolkLady · 2019-09-30T13:04:30+00:00

This unanimity of this discussion leads me to ask why this isn't (or wasn't) spelled out in the subreddit description.

teaandtalk · 2019-08-21T17:18:14+00:00

I got the impression this sub is for married ladies with marriage based discussion. The RPWomen is more general for all the ladeeez...

Title	What's the difference between this subreddit and the RedPillWomen subreddit?
Author	eatavacado
Upvotes	30
Comments	24
Date	August 21, 2019 4:59 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/ctjmrc/whats_the_difference_between_this_subreddit_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/whats-the-difference-between-this-subreddit-and.250009 https://theredarchive.com/post/250009

Comments