What to do when you fuck up?

Wife_and_Mama · 2024-09-04T22:16:36+00:00

Apologize. Sincerely. Then leave it alone. An apology doesn't void someone's feelings. He's still allowed to be upset. Let him process your remorse and get there on his own. When he offers an olive branch, accept and drop it. Maybe do something sweet, like make his favorite dinner.

perfectangelgirl77 · 2024-09-04T23:34:13+00:00

Apologize. Change behavior going forward.

ToughFail1430 · 2024-09-04T23:11:55+00:00

If it is obvious, the reason he is angry may not be that you are late, but you are playing the victim. Even if you don't apologise or don't want to, it is way better not to lie.

Another perspective to think about may be that your feelings about him could be damaged or his feelings if he were to accept your victimhood. Testing boundaries to get away from doing the right thing, generally the hard thing (in this case, it is accepting the mistake and apologizing), is generally a bad way to form a relationship. Accepting a lie even if small, from a committed relationship, not a way to go, hence big argument, which may not be so bad. Could be that he cares that you stay true to him. This is another perspective to think about

You could gain his respect if you accept it and apologise. If he didn't accept your apology, you did your part. Rest falls on him

worldlysentiments · 2024-09-04T23:18:14+00:00

I think first asking yourself what it would be like to just accept responsibility would be like for yourself might be helpful? Why do you tend to shift blame? Was wrong-doing in any manner growing up shameful? We’re accidents not allowed? I feel like that’s a common trend in people who later as an adult feel like they gotta push off blame to someone else.. stems from fear of making mistakes or accidents. 😂 my little psychoanalytic moment. You don’t lose anything from admitting when you’re wrong but you definitely will lose his respect if you push blame on him and he didn’t do anything wrong.

ArkNemesis00 · 2024-09-04T23:44:39+00:00

I often find it helpful to state how I'm feeling. Just say "I'm feeling defensive."

Try to consider how you would want to be treated if the situation was reversed. What makes you feel better when your partner has made a mistake?

No-Comfort1229 · 2024-09-04T23:16:40+00:00

don’t be defensive, that’s always a bad idea.

acknowledge the way that must have made him feel, 2. show that you’re genuinely sorry for any inconvenience or stress he may have had, 3. provide a reassurance on the fact it won’t be likely to happen again as you’ve “learnt your lesson”/will be careful.

remember that the point isn’t who’s right and who’s wrong but that he’s your partner and you didn’t want to cause him harm as you’re a team.

i think this can be safely applied to any time you do something to hurt or inconvenience anyone. with your partner you can also add physical contact and displays of affection (kisses,hugs,caresses) to ease their feelings even more quickly.

RatchedAngle · 2024-09-04T22:19:35+00:00

The first step is to take a deep breath and collect yourself. You don’t have to respond immediately when he says something inflammatory. Take a breath, calm down, center yourself.

Then take ownership of your mistake. “I’m sorry. I should have been clearer when I told you my location. I know being late for work is stressful.”

At that point, it’s his responsibility as a leader to also take ownership of his emotions. There’s no point in him berating you. It’s not productive. This:

He got angry at me and said I never listen to what he says.

Isn’t helpful in the moment. If he truly believes you “never listen,” then that needs to be discussed in a calm manner when both of you have free time. As a leader, it’s his responsibility to call for “council meetings” and address problems in the relationship (just as kings met with their council to address problems in the kingdom).

If, on the other hand, he was exaggerating and spoke harshly in the heat of the moment, then he needs to apologize. If a man wants his woman to be humble, grounded, and mature, then he needs to lead by example.

Work on fixing what you can fix. See how he responds when you take ownership and apologize. If he’s a good leader, he will try to calm himself down and address the problem in a productive manner.

Wide-Explanation-725 · 2024-09-04T22:15:03+00:00

Hey so I’m a guy, I can’t really give you feedback on this, but I just found out about this sub and it’s very mature and refreshing to see that women are trying to adjust to reality.

What you describe here ist LITERALLY 1 to 1 what my ex would do. It would drive me insane. I swear, those situations… I’ve had with her on a weekly or monthly basis. If was incredibly tiring.

I can only tell you what I wish she would’ve done.

“I’m sorry babe, I mixed things up. It wasn’t on purpose… I’ll scratch your back when you come back home from today’s work ok?”

Just be honest and offer something to make things up. I always wondered why that is so hard…

TheFeminineFrame · 2024-09-04T22:18:38+00:00

I don’t know with what tone he made those comments so I’m not going to comment on that. I can’t say whether he was merely stating frustration or if he was demonstrating an explosive display of anger.

What I do see is you having an extreme reaction to a basic miscommunication. The way you are describing yourself is not kind and is not fair. Miscommunications will happen. This does not mean you are a “f*ck up”. I don’t know if he is telling you this or if you are just generally very hard on yourself all on your own. But I would explore where this stems from and work on developing some self-esteem.

To answer the question you actually asked, when I mess up I own it. “I’m sorry I told you the wrong place. I know this is going to make you late for work and I’m really sorry.”

It will be up to him how he reacts. One would hope that he would accept a sincere apology (he might need a little time to cool off).

RedPillDad · 2024-09-05T05:57:59+00:00

Your situation is similar to a customer service recovery. When something negative happens in a service experience, trust can be shattered and the relationship is terminated. A strong recovery not only prevents the fallout, it actually strengthens the bond with the customer.

"Don’t look at complaints as problems. Look at complaints as opportunities to improve your business and an opportunity to create a better relationship with a customer.

"It’s important to understand that the customer who complains cares enough to complain. If they didn’t care, they would simply say, “I’m not going to deal with this. I’m going somewhere else.”

"When you WOW a customer with the manner in which you handle the complaint, you’ll create a customer who is even more loyal." ~ Keith Lee

The problem with defending yourself is that you trivialize the other person's frustrations and immediately make things worse. If they were somewhat aggravated before, now they're really pissed off. This rapid escalation is how couples can break up over minor issues.

There are steps to a good recovery. Consider the LEAR Response System:

Listen – actively listen to their message, diffusing their tension.
Empathize – express understanding of their upset or frustration.
Acknowledge, Apologize, Ask – convey appreciation for their situation, offer your sincere apology, and if appropriate, ask how you can make things better.
Resolve – take care of the issue and then follow-up to explain what you’ve done.

Once you've successfully addressed the issue, raise your game. It's all cheap talk if you simply turn around and do the same thing again tomorrow.

OP, if you can master these service recovery skills, you'll be amazed at how polished you'll be in any relationship.

BabyJane2903 · 2024-09-06T00:04:18+00:00

Thank you everyone for your answers! I apologised and I feel it brought us together even more! Thank you thank you!!! ❤️

VictoriaHand616 · 2024-09-08T12:53:43+00:00

I'm the same way, I do it too! First it's an internal thing. You have to actually understand that you messed up. It looks like you've done that part already. Second, tell him you're sorry AND MEAN IT. Third, have a location where both of you agree on meeting whenever you need a ride.

AutoModerator · 2024-09-04T22:05:25+00:00

Title: What to do when you fuck up?

Author BabyJane2903

Full text: Hello everyone, as above. What do you all do when you fuck up to your men? My first instinct is to always become defensive. So for example my husband was supposed to pick me up and we miscommunicated the location, so he was waiting for me for like 15 minutes which caused him to be late to work. He got angry at me and said I never listen to what he says. It was totally my fault because he told me clearly where he’s going to wait and then I mixed it up. My natural reaction would be to blame him and this would cause a big argument and end up with me crying. How do I react differently? I’m so upset at myself that I always have to fuck up and then I make myself a victim. Other subs would tell me to break up with him if he gets angry about something so silly, but I just know it’s my fault. How do I react differently?

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HappySpinningSeal · 2024-09-04T23:10:19+00:00

[permanently deleted]

meridianenergy · 2024-09-05T02:48:36+00:00

You apologize, and let him forget it. I'm the spirit of healthy communication I would recommend having a conversation (after maybe a week or so has passed) about how you will make an effort to listen properly, and maybe add that you don't like to make mistakes like that, and you can also express that being told 'you never listen' hurts you.

A good partner will hear this, have faith in you, and be mindful of their own reactions in future

Deviant419 · 2024-09-05T03:56:17+00:00

Man LTR going on 2 years.

My girl had the same issue when we first started dating. She eventually realized that if she wanted me to stick around she was going to have to start taking accountability when she messed up.

We both take accountability for our actions and we strive to improve ourselves

Your first step should be to bring this conversation to him. Now that you’re calm, you’re more collected you can get it out in the open so both of you can work on managing it in the moment.

LowlyLizzieBCG · 2024-09-05T08:02:45+00:00

These answers are all good. I think it depends on your husband but as much as you can step back, be demure and apologize. Being defensive is only going to create a wall where he either sees you as childish or combative. Own up, be accountable and sweet and don’t do it again. Men don’t typically expect us to take accountability, that alone will floor him and he will forgive you almost instantly.

Title	What to do when you fuck up?
Author	BabyJane2903
Upvotes	22
Comments	24
Date	September 4, 2024 10:05 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1f9619i/what_to_do_when_you_fuck_up/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/what-to-do-when-you-fuck-up.1529429 https://theredarchive.com/post/1529429

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