Would you stick around?

Wide-Technician8922 · 2025-04-15T13:49:43+00:00

I agree with him, divorce is tricky, totally understandable to refrain from a relationship when your legally still together, prioritize your divorce first. he’s not being unreasonable but behavior is inconsistent I wouldn’t stay around you if what’s bugging me is that your haven’t divorced yet, bros technically committing adultery😂

Dionne005 · 2025-04-15T12:32:58+00:00

He’s right. Sorry. Honestly if he was on Reddit asking this same question from his perspective, everyone would be telling him to leave you. No offense.

SeaMuted9754 · 2025-04-15T14:53:00+00:00

As a divorced woman who waited longer than needed to get my divorce I would say the hiker is being smart. You need to put yourself in his shoes because first you can be lying about the kind of relationship you have with your soon to be ex husband. Plus he needs to gage if you’re a person with integrity because a lot of divorces are from cheating. You are generally in a very suspicious position from most people’s perspective.

I will say I met my boyfriend while separated and I told him I wanted to be exclusive and that’s just my stance. I made it clear he was free to do as his pleases since we just met. At the end of the day you guys just met and you shouldn’t care if he wants exclusivity at this stage. Maybe he wants exclusivity but you technically being married is kinda cheating in his book but he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.

I think you’re asking for a lot when you’re not even fully clean from your last commitment. Ask r/divorce and they will say to wait longer. Take this time to vet the person past initial chemistry. Work on yourself don’t dive in to quickly.

Jenneapolis · 2025-04-15T13:20:59+00:00

He’s already said he’s not seeing anyone else, what more do you want from him? He holds the cards here and I can’t believe you’re fighting this battle.

My boyfriend and I started dating before he was officially divorced. They were separated and living apart for two years but she was deployed so they had not done the paperwork. Before our first date, I asked for a timeline of divorce which he gave me. After our first date, he filed and was divorced a month later. He gave me his word and kept his word and he knew that he was the one who was responsible for proving it to me. That is the situation you are in. He holds the cards, not you.

hangun_ · 2025-04-15T17:30:13+00:00

I'm sorry to say this harshly, but girl, at this point all you are doing is sleeping with another man while you are still married. No kidding he doesn't want to "DTR"

Sct1787 · 2025-04-15T12:26:46+00:00

What is dtr?

Wife_and_Mama · 2025-04-17T13:38:06+00:00

This is more your fault than his. You're still married, a status you chose for logistical reasons. You shouldn't be dating, according to most moral codes. It's perfectly reasonable for a man not to want anything official while you're married. I'd say it's also pretty... selfish of you to pretend he's the only one in the wrong for this. I don't mean that in a caustic way, but it's the accurate term when you're only looking at this from the perspective of what you want and he's looking at it (at least somewhat) from a religious place. He feels his immortal soul is in jeopardy and you're mad about what? His social media relationship status?

Yes, it is inconsistent and even unfair of this guy to sleep with you and date in secret, while claiming it's undefined. But that kind of friends with benefits type of relationship does exist and you're the married one. You made the commitment, not him. It doesn't sound like he's using you. It sounds like he genuinely wants to be with you, but you're still unavailable. You should both cool it until your divorce is finalized. You're risking tainting this relationship longterm by pushing him to define his status, when yours is "still married." If you like this guy, respect his discomfort and get divorced as quickly as possible.

Worth_Elephant_6128 · 2025-04-17T21:20:19+00:00

Just be glad he'll wait for you. A lot of guys could care less if you're married. The fact that he does says something.

AutoModerator · 2025-04-15T12:17:52+00:00

Title: Would you stick around?

Author smartblackbeauty

Full text: I’ve been separated for over 2 years. The process was drawn out because my ex got laid off and I paused finalizing divorce to keep him on my insurance.

Some months ago I unexpectedly met a guy in my hiking group. We connected with each other immediately. The chemistry is out of this world. We got serious quickly.

He doesn’t like that we met while I’m separated. It bothers him a lot. He says that he doesn’t want to dtr until my divorce is final.

My ex just got a new job so I am picking back up the process but it will take some months before everything is final.

I don’t like that the hiking guy is claiming we are not official in the meantime. I think he may use this as a push tactic to get me to divorce. The thing is with or without him I’m happy to divorce. Things are serious with the hiking guy. But he doesn’t like to admit it due to my marital status. It doesn’t feel great that he doesn’t dtr, when we spend a heavy amount of time together and feelings are mutually very strong. Honestly I’m more into him than I ever was with my ex. Any advice on how to move forward? Do I just suck it up and stick around with most dtr? He says he isn’t dating anyone else currently, nor am I.

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ArdentBandicoot · 2025-04-15T21:51:07+00:00

[permanently deleted]

alittlebitburningman · 2025-04-16T01:08:18+00:00

You’re married. He’s right. Who in their right mind would DTR with a married woman? Get divorced, then you’re free to be in a committed relationship.

st8turname · 2025-04-15T12:38:30+00:00

Are you asking should you stick with your husband?

Nosamzam · 2025-04-15T15:59:41+00:00

Divorce in a pace that makes sense to you. No one should ever push you, you may not even have this guy in a few months and you would have messed up some things for yourself.

smartblackbeauty · 2025-04-15T12:38:32+00:00

I do not find his position of not wanting to date someone who is separated unreasonable. I also do not think my position is unreasonable either. We just aren’t in agreement.

I don’t think it’s fair for him to escalate things between us knowing he would never dtr. Things have gone really far here at his nudging. At the same time I openly admit that the chemistry between us emotional and physical is incredibly strong and hard to resist.

Title	Would you stick around?
Author	smartblackbeauty
Upvotes	1
Comments	28
Date	April 15, 2025 12:17 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1jzqerf/would_you_stick_around/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/would-you-stick-around.1549656 https://theredarchive.com/post/1549656

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