Validation.

PhantomDream09 · 2015-02-02T03:00:42+00:00

When women post revealing photos online to get approval/validation (or to 'prove' that their life is exciting) then it suggests that they need the input and recognition of not only friends - but potentially just random people online. The 'look at me' phenomena that often goes hand in hand with social media sites is interesting...and at times troubling. Everyone has an opinion, and now everyone thinks that not only should they share those opinions, but also that other people want to hear what they have to say. Pictures can be interesting, and I enjoy hearing my friend's opinions during an actual conversation but the 'mysterious song lyric' status updates, pics of food (or the 10th new selfie photo in a week), and the constant re-posting of click-bait articles that regurgitate common sense (but are somehow supposed to insightful) starts to wear on most people. Social media seems to actually seems to discourage interacting with people you know, and waters down the definition of 'friend' to the point where liking the same tv show is all you need to have in common with another person in order to peer into their 'personal public' life. Is social media evil or wrong? No. Can people spend too much time worrying about what their profile looks like and not enough time thinking about ways to change their actual life? Sometimes.

There's also a difference between casual participation and professional participation. A working model, artist, businessperson, chef, photographer etc will most likely utilize social media sites to promote their image/brand and connect to people that may be interested in buying their work, hiring them, or simply expanding their fan-base. I know there are some ladies here that utilize social media for professional reasons. There are also other people that use social media simply as a way to garner attention just because they like attention. The "me me me" nature that can stem from using social media sites can be distracting and annoying to some people. It's all about frequency of use, what the person is posting, and why. Many people think social media use is a sign of vanity and shallowness, or that it becomes a superficial alternative to actually going out and meeting people/doing things.

On TRP - the general rule is to minimize the use of social media (so that it doesn't become a crutch) and to focus instead on living an active life away from the computer screen. Similarly, if a woman posts a lot of 'selfies' and vanity shots, then the general conclusion is that she likes/needs validation from other people (which is often considered to be a red flag).

I think social media sites can be used in a balanced way, and they are (at times) a very useful tool. They can also be a big time waster (too much focus looking at what other people are doing, or trying to plan what a person's next 'post' should be etc). If you're using it to actually stay in touch with friends and family, to plan activities etc, or if you're using the sites for professional reasons - then I don't really see an issue. Just don't let it become an unbalanced obsession, and maybe think twice before telling everyone you're at the store picking up groceries. I've read a few articles about burglars actually checking media sites to figure out when people are on vacation so that they know it's clear to break in and steal their things. I'm not sure how frequent those instances are, but it's not surprising. Nor is the fact that some criminals end up 'outing' themselves by making posts online.

Social media sites are often used as a digital shrine to the self - and vanity is rarely a quality that people find attractive, desirable, and endearing for long. After all, if they're constantly obsessed with their own reflection, when will they ever find the time to admire you? (wink)

muliebritee · 2015-02-04T03:05:58+00:00

It is a red flag because:

over-reliance on social media implies insecurity and vanity
most social media is lacking substance
time spent online can be spent being productive, self-improvement, creating something, etc.
frequent contact with online 'admirers' (beta orbiters)
the feminist nature of many sites (e.g. Tumblr and Buzzfeed)

proprioceptor · 2015-02-02T14:27:07+00:00

You pose and interesting question. I use a lot of social media, but I almost never post pictures of myself. One of my good friends from home, however, does almost daily. I think in her case she was miss popular in high school (almost 10 years ago) and now she's missing out on some of that attention. It honestly only comes across as immature, and sort of drives me crazy.

I think a good way to put it in terms of "rules for RPW" might be this - make sure you take care of your self, and make sure you look your best, but don't rely on external validation through shallow means (likes on your profile picture) as your gauge for your success. THat might be a little to specific, but it seems to be becoming a very specific issue.

fluviant · 2015-02-02T17:56:49+00:00

From a male's perspective, seeing women post pictures or anything with hints/undertones of a sexual nature on social media makes me think she is subtly polling the crowd of potential male suitors to see whom she could hook. A great way to let hypergamy thrive as there's an enormous amount of plausible deniability in this.

Aerobus · 2015-02-03T02:09:36+00:00

All women want validation, whether they admit it or not. Validation is nice. Validation boosts self-esteem, makes women feel better about themselves, and subconsciously make themselves think of themselves as having higher SMV.

Not needing validation is an attractive trait because it shows that you don't need external sources to think of yourself as a good person. Confidence matters a lot for men, especially in the context of attraction; confidence in a woman is good too.

nemma88 · 2015-02-04T14:37:31+00:00

I think you can tell the difference between women who know they are seeking validation and those who don't realize, or it's not their main concern. I think also, there is going to be some sort of difference in time each is spending actively posting or using social media, rather than doing other things.

I do think it is an addiction for some people, and I think the most damage will come when those women can not longer get the same attention from it, withdrawal. We are not long enough into this age of technology to feel the outcomes yet, but we will soon enough.

nomnompuffs · 2015-02-02T12:20:20+00:00

I don't mind it much: as long as it doesn't reek of self-absorbtion and self-centeredness, I don't think it's a big deal :O

quichemeagain · 2015-02-02T02:59:40+00:00

Hello RPW- Decided to lurk tonight and seeing how I have a tumblr, I'll comment on this topic. I think a '<3' or a 'like' is most gratifying. Not in a real serious way....just a bit of a pick me up. Also it's a way to express yourself...via clothing , jewelry. It's the society we live in .....might as well join in.

On a serious note, you need to feel secure with yourself before you dive into social media. It's just for fun, nothing else. And it's free....unlike shopping.

Enjoy the Super Bowl....everyone.

Title	Validation.
Author	drugdoctor87
Upvotes	10
Comments	18
Date	February 2, 2015 2:30 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/2uh09n/validation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/validation.85182 https://theredarchive.com/post/85182

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