What makes a good captain?

Disappear_vanish · 2015-07-31T06:14:34+00:00

A good relationship will be led by a man with a mix of alpha and beta traits. He will take responsibility for his leadership role of course, and be competent. He'll be honest with you and upfront. He will have all the sort of typical alpha male traits but as the relationship matures he will exhibit some beta behavior that is welcome, like being able to comfort you and when you're married and if it's what you've decided, he will provide for you and his kids if there are any.

For some more alpha men, they'll commit and then learn how to be a little softer for their lady when she needs that comfort. He won't be a doormat, but he won't be as callous as he was in the beginning. If you're a high value woman and don't grow complacent or entitled, of course you'll endear yourself to him more and more with time!

Some men might start off mostly beta with some good captain potential and really thrive and grow strong and confident and masculine when he finds a lady who wants to be submissive, allowing him access to the sex, support, respect, space and softness he needs to be a more desirable alpha man.

I'm not saying that you should expect a man to change in the specific ways you'd like him to in order to benefit yourself. But he will change, and so will you, so expect that a man will change and that those changes can and will be influenced by your behavior. You won't want to drag a good man down, but you could be just the right match as a submissive and sweet gf or eventual wife of an alpha-leaning beta or some quiet quy who because of his shyness nobody ever guessed would be a monolith of a man.

There are all kinds of men who start off as strong leaders but get married, lose their game either out of laziness or a terrible wife they can't or won't divorce (kids, finances, whatever). They chill with the dad bod, and slip off into misery in a sexless marriage and end up like everything they used to be glad they weren't.

There are men who are 100% A game all of the time, but those men are highly sought after and getting all the sex they can get without commitment. They'll eventually commit to a very high value to woman with a low count (probably. Usually). If you're not a top 5% girl with some serious girl game then do not wring yourself out over these ones.

I guess I'm trying to say the best way to get a better selection of men to choose from is be at the TOP of your game. Hot body, cool temper, tame your tongue, don't give up sex without commitment, have hobbies, don't have drama, don't gossip. Be a top tier girl and you'll get a better selection. But there's a sort of a gut feeling. You have to sort of have a spark or click with him, too. And if he's got some bs you know you can't shovel with him, don't waste your time.

It's tricky. It's a huge gigantic gamble, I think. People change and life happens, but it really comes down to perseverance and work and sacrifice to make a relationship work, no matter how alpha or beta the man.

Disappear_vanish · 2015-07-31T06:25:33+00:00

Also, at the very beginning of the relationship, it's ok to be specific about the dynamic you want in the relationship. It is much like a business deal, except if it goes sour you will never get your time back.

Nothing is worse than a man who can't make decisions or is afraid or emotional or whiny. He might not be that right away, but I think you could make it clear that you want a man who prefers traditional gender roles and is able to handle the amount of responsibility that an alpha man should handle. Have the talk, it might be awkward for a minute but it's worth not wasting your time.

snbdmliss · 2015-07-31T21:42:39+00:00

Having been around here for a couple years now and also being brought up pretty traditionally and as a RPW, here’s what I think is important (btw this list is by no means exhaustive, but it’s a good start).

I will add the caveat right off the bat, that these all assume that the woman is a RPW and is bringing to the relationship everything it takes to be a great RPW to her man. Also, there is likely things on here that may not be perfectly RPW, feel free to let me know, this is just a list of what I look for or want in a relationship. Thanks!

IMO a great Captain demonstrates the following:

He is responsible and stable in life. That means he has, and can keep his life together, including work, finances, housing, vehicles, future planning like retirement or insurances, etc. etc., and otherwise is just progressing in life and getting things done. That doesn’t mean however that I expect everything to be perfect, or that I will judge him or walk away if any areas need help or somehow something happens, life isn't perfect and so it goes, but I will be there to encourage him, support him, and help him back in any way I can or that he asks me to.
He is a leader that I can trust in and follow easily, but to be a good leader, it means that he’s doing a lot of the rest of this list.
He consistently makes good decisions/actions. He isn’t impulsive, or hot-headed. He isn’t an addict. He knows and understands the effects a decision or an action could have before making that decision, and weights his decisions accordingly, and that he makes good decisions not only based on his own interests, but also based on how they could affect others, especially those he cares about. Additionally, he is humble enough to know when he doesn’t have all the information and solicits advice from others when necessary, including from me.
Acts with integrity, honesty, and forthrightness always. No exception. I need to be able to trust in his word, his actions, his decisions, his leadership, etc. Yes, a lot of these qualities are interrelated.
He treats me, his family, and close friends with respect, and all that entails, which also includes punctuality and not breaking plans. I require respect, just as I treat him with utmost respect as my captain.
He is dependable and a protector, I feel safe with him and I can count on him to be there when I need him, no matter what. Either to share my joys in life, or hardships, whatever it may be, I can trust in him to be there for me. Of course this is within reason, I am a capable person, but sometimes you really need that person to be there for you, just as you would be there for them, no questions asked. Also, I highly appreciate when a man walks me to my car, or calls to make sure I get home, or somewhere ok if I am by myself, etc.
He is strong, athletic, in-shape, sexy, and handsome and continues to work at being all of these things. Both of us have to constantly work at being the best we can be for the other person. Added bonus is if he wants to be athletic with me, I love to follow his lead to do these things, and improve myself even more for him.
He is brave but not reckless; this goes back to making good decisions.
He is confident but not arrogant.
He is optimistic this is an especially important trait for me, and may not be for everyone, but it really bothers me when people are constantly pessimistic (or they claim they are just “realists”), if they cannot fathom great things in the world, how will they ever happen? I am not saying either that they should be unrealistic, or not consider that things can go different ways, but I have found time and time again in life that being optimistic leads to good things happening. There are even numerous scientific studies that prove that a positive mind leads to positive outcomes.
He is skilled, talented, and knowledgeable about things, especially things that are different than what I am skilled, talented, or knowledgeable about, so that we can both learn from each other, but also be even that much better together.
He needs to be cool headed, I hate yelling and generally feel that when people yell is because they want to intimidate the other person, but not because they have any actual substance to stand on.
He needs to be a family man and all that that entails, and needs to want a family and children with me. (Obviously this may not apply to everyone, but it’s very important for me). Additionally, he needs to want a future with me and see that it’s a real possibility that we both can work for. That includes, not only having a family, but it also includes living together, building our lives together, and hopefully someday, marriage. I do not want to just be someone’s girlfriend for the rest of my life, although I realize that is only a title, but I aspire to be a good wife and mother. I look forward to someday having the honor to take my man’s last name. I also don’t want to take from anyone, and have no issues with prenups and truly think that they should happen with all marriages nowadays. Lifelong marriage is my ultimate goal. We both need to be able to have similar future goals and plans to work towards together, and be on the same page for.
He needs to communicate well and often and be kind, considerate, and compassionate towards me and those closest to him. One of my biggest dislikes in relationships is when people ignore each other, or use other mental tricks to 'get their way' or 'manipulate a discussion' or for 'power' in the relationship. I am a calm, rational, and logical person, if you cannot discuss something with me and show me why you are right, then maybe you should reevaluate if you are indeed right; additionally I do not nag or bring up things that are not of big importance to me, so if they are being brought up,, they should be treated as serious. Besides, employing mental tactics designed to hurt the other person is just horrible treatment. I have no want to hurt my man, why would they want to hurt me?
He needs to be committed and faithful, and that is not just being faithful to me (which is an absolute must, I will not tolerate cheating, just as he should not), but also that he is committed to the relationship and me. That he makes time for us, and puts effort into us. Relationships always take work, they cannot be one-sided, and if a relationship is effortless, it just means that neither parties care, or mean that much to the other IMO.
He needs to be mentally stable; this should probably go without saying.
He needs to be appreciative, grateful, and giving; being a really selfless person myself (as I have been my whole life), I have found that taken advantage of often in life, and in my relationships, and it’s not something that I want to change about myself (I think being selfless is a good character trait in women), but when a man is overly selfish, ultimately I end up in a position of feeling kind of used, which doesn’t work out well in the long run. This goes back to the being committed to the relationship. Along with this, he needs to recognize that I am a good woman, and am constantly striving to be better to him, and am deserving of his good treatment in return.
He is warm, affectionate, and loving with me.
He trusts in me to make good decisions, for good advice or a good second opinion, and to be good to him. Being good to one another must be mutual and reciprocal.
He can laugh and be playful and not over-stress a lot, and doesn't take everything so seriously in life!
He has good priorities in his life, of which I need to be one, but not the only priority. There are a lot of important things to balance in life, and choosing priorities in the right order is important, and it can change sometimes, but I need to know that I am on that list.

Well, this got long, and there are more things I think I want to add, so I'll edit in a bit when I have more time.

Edit: formatting

Edit2: clarified a couple words

littlebit_ · 2015-07-31T00:29:37+00:00

Alphas do commit. Unfortunately, they're just not committing to you. I don't know you & you haven't really given any information thmat would be helpful to know for me to give advice specifically for you. But as you know, looks matter. Being a like-able person/being fun to be around matters. Having compatible personalities matter.

This isn't going to be helpful, but when I was on the market, I wasn't looking for any specific traits in a man. But when I met him, there was a combination of that click you get when you meet someone & you just know they're going to be your new best friend with that spark/the butterflies you get when you meet someone you're attracted to. I just wanted to be around him & he felt the same way.

I hope you find your man.

2015-07-31T15:21:37+00:00

[permanently deleted]

closetrpw · 2015-07-31T20:54:34+00:00

The "alphas" I've been with won't commit.

Watch out. You're on the path to becoming an alpha widow. You need to aim for someone a little less alpha and perhaps a little lower SMV than these guys but certainly more alpha than your LTRs.

FleetingWish · 2015-07-31T17:45:11+00:00

Either raise your value so that an alpha will commit, or go with a beta.

Darkuso · 2015-08-02T11:25:21+00:00

The problem could be also where you have been looking or meeting them, like bars or parties. If I meet a girl in those places is mostly because I'm looking for fun not a LTR, but if it were in a class, or a park jogging or even in the gym the approach would be completely different.

Develop hobbies where you can meet quality men.

2015-07-31T17:18:15+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2015-07-31T16:14:12+00:00

I like to be the supporting partner in a relationship, not the leader.

This is not sustainable. There need to be elements in your relationship where you take the lead. You cannot expect to over burden your partner.

Title	What makes a good captain?
Author	ElfFey
Upvotes	30
Comments	50
Date	July 30, 2015 11:41 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/3f83w6/what_makes_a_good_captain/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/what-makes-a-good-captain.2293 https://theredarchive.com/post/2293

Comments