I'm Getting Agitated

shneakypete · 2017-10-10T13:29:42+00:00

Guy here.

I watch porn but my girlfriend is low libido and refuses to talk about sex or try anything crazy(she won't let me go down on her). Our frequency is like 2-3 times a month. She never initiates and I'm always ready to go regardless of whether I just watched porn or jacked off.

It seems like you've got your end covered. You're doing anything and everything he wants, you're offering to watch porn with him, from your description you sound attractive. It sounds like the problem is with him.

Reading posts here I think women forget that men are supposed to be the captains of the household and the women are supposed to be the first mates. Yes, you're supposed to be submissive and follow his leadership but HE HAS TO BE WORTHY OF YOUR SUBMISSION.

There are two issues here that may be at play: different libidos (you are high and he is low) or he has a porn addiction. An addiction is classified as an addiction when it spills out of it's container and starts affecting parts of your life it shouldn't be. If he's turning you down in favor of porn I think it's time for a serious chat and maybe a visit to a therapist or psychologist.

meowmeow984 · 2017-10-10T08:49:12+00:00

How often do you have sex? I don't care if my guy watches porn, my ex used to watch videos of me to get off which is kinda cute when you consider he could be watching anything else. But if he watched porn instead of having sex that would bother me.

Have you gained weight recently? Is there something about you that is less attractive? Have you asked him? If he isn't putting any effort into sex than he either doesn't enjoy your sex or isn't attracted to you.

LadyElesa · 2017-10-10T15:59:04+00:00

So, I'm going to give my two cents, and it might be at odd with a lot of RPWs here.

I was in a similar situation once, but on the other side. I got to a point where sleeping with my SO felt like a chore. We both had a matching sex drive, but I just wasn't feeling it. The reason why sex became a chore was that it became this expectation. It stopped being this fun, spontaneous experience of connection. For my SO, his world began to revolve around me. Boundaries started to slip, and what we loved, each other as individuals, eroded into a mass of obligations and jobs and roles. And your story starts to sound like "I do this and this and this for him, so why won't he do this for me?" This kind of pressure takes the sexiness out of sex. It stops feeling like fun and becomes a chore. My tangible advice to you would be to do the following:

Continue working, doing your share of work with the kids, going to the gym, and keeping the house clean, and have dinner ready.
STFU. The standard advice given here when you have an issue with a guy. You've brought the issue up once, he already knows about it.
That said, be completely pleasant with him. Don't hold anything against him. Don't be disrespectful.
Focus on your half of your life.

Let him miss you, even as you live together. You feel something is off, and that's why these insecurities are building up. The best way over it is to let go. Not let go of the relationship, but just don't let the insecurities and your value to him cloud up your life.

Men like space, men appreciate chase. By refocusing on your life and by pulling back a little when you feel insecure (but do this with UTMOST RESPECT to your man, do not get bitchy), he will miss you, appreciate you and demonstrate his love for you. And that action from him will fix your insecurities. You can't ask him to do this, because you will still have doubts (it wasn't a sincere sign of love because you had to ask for it). You have to pull back and let him do this on his own.

That said, keep your eyes open. His way of showing that love might not be what you expect.

[deleted] · 2017-10-10T17:56:10+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Mazcok · 2017-10-10T15:03:16+00:00

Guy Here,

Guys appreciate porn because its porn. They are operating in a sexual deficit.

When you see that male underwear model, I'm sure you think to yourself "Oh.. Yeah...", but you aren't comparing the model to your bf. The same goes for men.

If there IS any comparison taking place its usually the bf comparing himself to the 12" schlong on the screen. (just like a girl compares herself to the air brushed bombshell on the screen)

Don't worry about it. Better yet, take him on a date to the local strip club. You'll change the dynamic, and get some insight into the male psyche as well.

Kiddingyoself · 2017-10-13T01:58:48+00:00

It sounds like you're committed to be the best woman you can be, and arguably, he's not living up to his end of the bargain (being the best man/husband/father he can be). You may want to watch this, and ask your husband to, and discuss it.

Willow-girl · 2017-10-11T02:01:23+00:00

I had a husband who was a porn addict. First I cheated on him to get my needs met (I don't recommend doing that BTW) and after I got tired of doing that, I divorced him. That seems to have solved the problem. Wish I had a better answer for you!

HB3234 · 2017-10-11T23:34:39+00:00

Are you not getting as much sex as you want? What's your desired frequency v.s. real frequency?
Of the sex you have, what% is acts you enjoy? What % is acts you think are alright, but do mostly because he really likes them? What % is stuff you dislike/consider crossing a boundary but do anyways?

My answer will vary dramatically based on the response to these Qs.

TheBunk_TB · 2017-10-11T23:58:14+00:00

Warning about porn. Same or possibly bigger amount of dopamine release with less work. but longer term burnout. Question on question: Is he burned out from it or his work?

SouthernAthena · 2017-10-12T22:35:02+00:00

I know you updated and said you felt better about the situation, but I'm trying to figure out if you should. Maybe it's because so many of the comments were removed from "guy here" commenters that I didn't get a clear picture. I'd like to ask a few questions to get a handle on the situation:

How often do you have sex?

How often does he watch porn?

Are you upset because you're not getting as much sex or attention as you need? Or is it because he is not exclusively using you as a sexual outlet? There is a big difference between insecurity from not getting your needs met and just plain ole irrational jealousy.

I need a little more info before I can tell who is being unreasonable.

Title	I'm Getting Agitated
Author	DemonicKronic
Upvotes	5
Comments	31
Date	October 10, 2017 8:29 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/75fp7b/im_getting_agitated/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/im-getting-agitated.73561 https://theredarchive.com/post/73561

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