Vetting vs Testing

TranslatedSky · 2021-02-02T20:52:35+00:00

Seems like everyone has different opinions. To me, vetting is silent observation over a period of time. This is because people can say whatever they like, but only by observing over a period of time will you truly know if their action and person matches their words.

Testing is generally frowned upon in RPW context. The assumption is that HVM, just like women worth their salt know when they’re being tested, hence the term was coined “shit tests”. Shit tests happen as a result of insecurity, fear, and inability to communicate needs in a mature manner.

lizlollie · 2021-02-02T20:23:33+00:00

I haven't thought about this for very long, bet eh what the heck.

Vetting: I think vetting is like measuring someone. Your ruler is your standards. In the same way you would a put a ruler up to an object to get data, you would use your standards and measure your potential SO to vet him (get data).

Ex. One of your standards is that they must treat others with respect and politeness, yet with clear boundaries (in other words that they are not spineless nor rude). To "measure" or vet him, you would compare his behavior to your standard and see how he measures. You observe him in different situations and scenarios. The more data points the better! You see how he treats his family on a day to day basis, you see how he deals with conflicts with your friends and family, you see how he manages a rude boss or overbearing mother.

After a given amount of time, you have enough data to say that he does not measure up to your standards or he does.

And at the end of the day if he's not measuring up, you move on or resolve it with him, but YOU DO NOT CHANGE YOUR STANDARDS so that he "passes".

Testing: Unlike vetting were it's merely an observational process of data collection, i think testing means that you create a situation in which you're expecting the "correct" response. This means he can "fail" the test. I also think that a women may have standards if she's testing, but that the standards are all specific and they fluctuate. Actually scratch that. I don't think she has standards, she has expectations. I say that because when women test, they want to lecture and correct or expose their SO but they're not going to leave.

Ex. You connivingly invite him to dinner with your family on a night that you know he was going to hang out with the boys, and he was looking forward to it. You expect that he gladly, and galantly give up his plans for you, and prioritize you. So when he hesitates or says no, or let's reschedule, you feel as if he's failed and you express it. (If this was vetting, you would be using the standard. Compared to the standard, if he offers to come to dinner next week instead, that would show that he's respectful, that his word to his friends is solid, and that he can be polite but has boundaries, and that would be a good data point to collect).

Setting Him Up to Fail:

I think there's actually a third category. It's much like the test, in which the situation is overly contrived, BUT that so many more steps have been taken to give them the occasion to sin, that would not normally be present. It's manipulative and gross. We see this a lot on prank social media channels. Unlike the test, you're putting in a lot of effort to catch them fail, so you can DUMP 'em.

Ex. You get a friend to go over to his place when he's alone to flirt and throw herself at him, to sEe WhAt He DoEs. If he strays then you dump and run, and post about it online.

I'm conflicted on the ethics of this. What if this guy has structured his life in such a way so that he wouldn't be alone with women because he knows his limitations. He wouldnt have found himself in the situation because he knew he would've failed. Like an ED person controlling their environment to not trigger an episode.

At the same time, free will is a bitch and he did what he did. I just don't think it's classy to be so manipulative. Idk, leave your thoughts in the comments.

Again, i thought about this for no time, and i could disagree with myself tomorrow. Tis is life.

Mewster1818 · 2021-02-02T20:41:48+00:00

Vetting is something you can and should do openly and honestly. Example: "Are you interested in having children in the future?" or "What is your current goal in life?", perfectly normal questions to ask a potential mate which helps you in the decision making process.

Other forms of vetting just involve pay attention to details without actively doing/asking anything, examples: Do they have good manners? Are they well groomed? Do they have a pleasant personality?, you don't have to set up anything to vet these qualities you just simply need to be observant.

Testing on the other hand is creating or manipulating scenarios and questions that exist only to see how the other person responds under pressure or when in a situation where there are no good answers. While it is important to know how a potential mate responds under pressure and how well they handle stress, this is a quality that can almost always be vetted through simple observance (most people will have some kind of stressful event arise during the course of dating). An example of testing would be "Do you think X is pretty?", "Does this dress make my X look bad?", etc. these are more often rooted in putting someone in an uncomfortable position in the hopes of them displaying some kind of unconscious quality even though there isn't necessarily a right answer.

If I asked my husband if he thinks Emma Watson is attractive, I know that the honest answer is probably yes because she's an attractive looking woman however he's now in a position where he doesn't want to offend me or hurt my feelings by admitting he might like the way another woman looks, but if he answers no I can rightfully push back on him to lying to me. (This is an example only, please do not do this or think this is a real situation.) So now he has no good answer, and I am waiting to see how he handles this as a test of how he handles stress. Unlike with the vetting questions above, this is not something with a good answer and the real question is actually hidden behind the situation rather than being honestly stated.

__CitrusJellyfish · 2021-02-02T20:06:57+00:00

I could be mistaken, but I see vetting as something done very early on during the dating process (or before even dating). Ruling someone out based on objective details about a person which you consider dealbreakers for a romantic relationship- these vary from person to person. E.g. not wanting children/ marriage, history of lots of casual relationships, children from a previous marriage, different political/ religious views, absence of physical attraction. I’d say testing is something done when you’re more invested in the person and trying to figure out how they respond to different scenarios. These things might not be so obvious early on, and are more likely related to their personality/ values/ goals. It’s considered more scummy because in many cases the tester might be setting the person up for failure or trying to expose a suspected personality flaw without them knowing. It’s better just to talk things through with the person if you have a disagreement versus trying to ‘expose’ them. Just my 2c

LochanMor · 2021-02-02T23:53:19+00:00

Vetting- is this person are who they say they are? Do their words and actions align? Do our goals/lifestyles/values align? Do they meet my requirements for a potential mate?

Testing- "My car just broke down. Can you come get me?" ... "I'm struggling with xyz."... Does your potential mate care about your physical, emotional, financial safety? These are the types of 'tests' I use to answer those questions for me based on the way they react.

babbbeee · 2021-02-03T02:02:15+00:00

The way I have always seen vetting (for me) is that it's a period during the dating phase before you even get into a relationship with a man; including, if you are looking at potential marriage material down the road. For example, if you are dating a guy for a handful of months/a year, you are taking the time to see whether or not he would be compatible with your needs & wants for a relationship. This is obviously different from person to person, but I think vetting is more important than testing.

TheBunk_TB · 2021-02-03T12:30:18+00:00

Don't make it an interrogation!

stripedtanker · 2021-02-17T07:34:35+00:00

Don't let the media make you think putting someone through tests is scummy or creepy. It's one of those things that creates cognitive dissonance in people's heads in today's world (like only being attracted to hot people), but it something that is your absolute right to do. A life parter is an important decision, and you want to make sure that the person you are dating is right. Obviously don't scare them away by doing hard core interrogatoin, but if you have subtle ways to test/vet, by all means do it.

covfefe_believer · 2021-02-02T20:15:39+00:00

Usually testing can be trying to set your partner up in a manner where he may cheat or is more inclined to cheat, I think testing also includes as mentioned on here where they reach for their wallet for a date and then the offer is accepted.

These are scummy things.

Title	Vetting vs Testing
Author	iLiveInAHologram94
Upvotes	25
Comments	16
Date	February 2, 2021 7:56 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/lb4rz6/vetting_vs_testing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/vetting-vs-testing.742648 https://theredarchive.com/post/742648

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