Engaged Christians & Premarital Sex

Nandemodekiru · 2021-12-18T23:24:09+00:00

Your choice to remain a virgin until marriage is not selfish, but a God-given command according to our texts.

“Why are you telling me to disobey God?”

I’m amazed that he calls you selfish when this is one of the most well known tenets of the faith. It’s not a matter of playing hard to get, but keeping in line with God’s will and understanding why he commands chastity of us until we are married.

For that matter, it’s comes off quite hypocritical of him to say that you’re the one being selfish when he’s trying to pressure YOU into fornication in order to satisfy himself (and most definitely yourself). He may love you and is certainly frustrated, but it’s very odd that he has decided to throw insults. It’s less than a year. It will go by very quickly.

He needs to check himself with God, and needs to hold himself to the same standard as he does you, and you with him. If both of you are questioning why to wait, then consult your pastor and / or priest.

belleinbaltimore · 2021-12-19T00:27:25+00:00

My husband was an atheist and made it clear he would have been fine waiting until marriage if I wanted to…I did not want to but he didn’t pressure me to take that stance. I would be concerned that he is putting this pressure on you during your engagement and showing such incongruence between his claimed shared values and what he is asking.

ChadCon3000 · 2021-12-18T22:43:55+00:00

Is he redpilled? Is he posting OYS? Is he involved in church, does he have mentors and disciples he can fulfill 1 John 1:5-9 with?

You submit to him when married, he submits to Christ now and then. He isn’t.

If I could meet him in person I would simply ask, “Why does she owe you sex before marriage?”

Get women you can walk closely with. And fulfill 1 John 1:5-9 with. Internet advice can be good but it won’t cut it! Christianity is impossible on your own.

breadcake5245 · 2021-12-18T23:02:07+00:00

Don’t move in together until after the wedding if you want the best shot. We moved in together a month-ish before the wedding (because both of our leases had ended and we had no one else to live with in our area) and our willpower did not last long in that situation.

I would definitely get a mentor couple involved in this situation. Or talk to your premarital counselor. Pray for him. It is really hard to wait 30+ years to have sex, especially when you’re engaged to be married, and the urges are natural and good. Can you move up the wedding at all? Long engagements make it so much harder.

lunavicuna · 2021-12-19T21:03:58+00:00

why don't you ask him if he's up for moving the wedding date closer? this seems like the most practical solution and both of you can be happy.

deep_faked_beans · 2021-12-20T23:11:22+00:00

You're very strong for sticking to your values for this long, please don't let him pressure you. You aren't at fault at all if you've been clear from the start that you want to wait until marriage, and it is an important command in the faith. Hopefully he'll realise that it's hard for you too, and you aren't being selfish for following your religion.

Ludalilly · 2021-12-19T18:39:04+00:00

There's a lot here that I relate to. Your problem is not an uncommon one, but that doesn't make it any less difficult.

I think first and foremost one important thing to realize is that the struggle to wait is much harder for him than it is for you because he is a guy. Men and women struggle with different things because of how God made us, and this is one the biggest struggles many guys will face. You won't find a single guy who won't struggle with this issue to a lesser degree than what your fiancé is.

However, if he says he's a Christian, he should know that this is not something that is okay for him to be doing. We are all sinners and make mistakes, but he should be aware that trying to pressure you into having sex, especially you're both stated Christians and especially when you've agreed to wait is not okay.

My husband and I were both virgins, but I faced a similar issue from my husband. He would try to persuade me into trying it while we were still engaged, but I knew it was not going to be a good idea. The best thing you can really do is to STAND YOUR GROUND! If you're committed to keeping this promise, there really is no other way around it. Don't be afraid to set firm boundaries and walk away from escalating fights. From the way you describe it, he really is getting pushy, which makes it all the more harder on you. You may feel "mean" by telling him such a hard "no", but keep in mind, if you're a Christian, God should come first over your husband, and if your future husband is trying to pull you away from what God wants, then your priority is to God before it is to him.

My husband and I had a two year engagement because of the nature of our long distance relationship at the time. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It was honestly torture. It sounds like the two of you have been engaged for a while, and I don't know how much longer you're planning on staying engaged, but the longer this goes on the harder this will be on both of you.

Also please keep in mind that marriage does not "fix" issues like this. I naively thought that when I first got married, that all the issues I was having with my husband relating to sex would just disappear because we were married. They didn't. They turned into something else. We have since worked through many of them, and have a much healthier marriage now (married 3.5 years), but it took a lot of time. It might be worth it to have sit down conversations with your fiance to try and discover why he's getting so pushy. Does it have to do with a previous relationship? Is his morals on the Bible looser than yours? Does it have to do with the way he was raised? There could be a lot of explanations, but don't just assume these problems will disappear. Be as prepared as you can be.

It's hard, very hard, but you can do this!

pearlsandstilettos · 2021-12-19T19:36:23+00:00

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Big_Rain4564 · 2021-12-28T11:21:18+00:00

I confess that I would be very wary of marriage to a man who does not respect your wishes and beliefs.

It would I think be easier if you both set boundaries for your behaviour now which did not go anywhere near as far so as not to inflame his natural urges.

bygracethrufaith- · 2022-01-04T04:01:07+00:00

Hey there, I’m a Christian in my 30s, also engaged to be married in the summer..For us, we weren’t virgins and ended up having sex. Though he is a good man, it does cause a bit of discomfort for me when I think of what God commands. Purity culture pushes so much on how if you wait until marriage things will be perfect, and that is not true..but the safety of sex in a covenant relationship between husband and wife is beautiful thing..I’m sorry that he is calling you selfish. You are not selfish for holding out. You are obeying God. I would find some wise, older, married Christians to walk along with you both. You both can be open and let them speak truth to you. His desire for you is a good thing but it is absolutely not selfish to wait.

Independent-Skin-596 · 2022-01-10T17:10:25+00:00

WAIT. Meet in public places! There is a special blessing for being obedient to God especially in this area because our society is so anti God and His people have walked away from this! I waited and my life has been blessed, we are on our 24th year! Obedience to God is for real and He keeps His promise!

2021-12-20T17:13:33+00:00

My husband and I waited until marriage, both virgins. He was the one who was waiting until he was 30 (when we got married), and I was 21. So there are men out there who would wait and want a virgin. His reasons weren't really religious because there are tons of benefits for waiting and marrying a virgin.

If he can't wait until marriage, could he abstain from sex if you're ill or postpartum?

RPslimjim · 2021-12-19T06:14:03+00:00

Playing devils advocate here, but biblically, the engagement period was a matter of days after the groom payed the bride price to the father. Once the father passed ownership of his daughter to the husband thru the marriage ceremony, then the marriage was deemed official. Marriage today is purely legal, you could get married at the court house tomorrow and be married, but have the ceremony at a later date. Again, don’t be too upset with him, I’d be worried about a man who could really hold off his God given urge to be with you.

I’ve spent years in the church and the amount of people I met that actually waited until marriage was very slim. Maybe 10%. He isn’t a virgin so his views will be different than yours, he may not think it’s a big deal.

Title	Engaged Christians & Premarital Sex
Author	Turbulent-Library192
Upvotes	16
Comments	19
Date	December 18, 2021 9:18 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/rjgv5a/engaged_christians_premarital_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/engaged-christians-premarital-sex.1091752 https://theredarchive.com/post/1091752

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