Today we are going to talk about the concept of Self Compassion, which is rarely ever talked about here in TheRedPill. No, this is not some hippy "hold hands because all need to love each other" type of blue pill pop psychology. Having high self-compassion is critical to have personal transformations and to ascend to alphadom. You will have an understanding of why bluepill thinking discourages self compassion, and how having high self compassion can prevent "mental malware" like oneitis and performance anxiety.

"With self-compassion, we give ourselves the same kindness and care we'd give to a good friend." - Kristen Neff

What Is Self Compassion?

Self Compassion means that you have love for yourself. Self Compassion consists of three parts; self-kindness, common humanity and mindfulness. The term was coined by Kristen Neff in her bestselling book "Self Compassion : The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself." When you have high self compassion you are more charismatic, confident, and walk the world with a great sense of purpose.

Many sociologists have similiar terms for semf compassion:

Sociologist Definition of Self Compassion
Carl Rogers "unconditional positive regard"
Albert Ellis "unconditional self-acceptance"
Maryhelen Snyder's "internal empathizer"
Ann Weiser Cornell "gentle, allowing relationship"
Judith Jordan "concept of self-empathy"

To be your best self, you need too have high self-kindness, a sense of common humanity, and a high level of mindfulness. All three combined form Self Compassion. Below I have summarrized to best of my ability the three parts of self compassion:

The Three Parts of Self-Compassion Summary Wikipedia Definition Self Compassion
Self-kindness Love yourself aways. "Being warm towards oneself when encountering pain and personal shortcomings, rather than ignoring them or hurting oneself with self-criticism. Having a positive inner voice"
Common humanity Nobody is Perfect "Recognizing that suffering and personal failure is part of the shared human experience."
Mindfulness Express Your Emotions "Taking a balanced approach to one's negative emotions so that feelings are neither suppressed nor exaggerated. Negative thoughts and emotions are observed with openness, so that they are held in mindful awareness. Mindfulness is a non-judgmental, receptive mind state in which individuals observe their thoughts and feelings as they are, without trying to suppress or deny them."

TheRedPill teachings and Self Compassion

"The Redpill encourages the increase of self compassion, while the Blue Pill encourages the decrease of self compassion."

Compassion Levels Defininition
Low Self Compassion (Bluepill) Others needs and feelings are higher priority than my own needs. My inner voice is negative and I am a failure. Expressing emotions is weak and unmanly.
High Self Compassion ( Redpill) My needs are feelings are higher priority than other peoples needs. My inner voice is full of optimism and saysI am good enough. Showing my emotions is healthy.

How Do I Know My Self Compassion Levels?

It's actually very easy to find out by taking a Self Compassion Scale that asks 25 questions. You can take the Scale here . (links to http://self-compassion.org)

The Benefits of High Self Compassion

Okay, but what are the benefits of high Self Compassion?

Self Compassion Parts The Benefits
High Self-Kindness Positive inner voice that encourages accomplishments and optimism. High Self-kindness increases personal boundries and gives you a healthy DGAF attitude. It also reduces narcissism because you have genuine confidence in yourself and don't feel like an imposter who needs validation all the time. Your confidence comes from your self love.
High Common humanity Have a "good enough" mentality prevents performance anxiety because it eliminates perfectionism.It increases your flow and focus because you don't have a fear of failure. Also you have the realization that asking for help and showing vulnerability is alright. Shields you from a fear of failure.
High Mindfullness The main benefit is having a stronger frame and more stable emotions. You have the realization that you don't have to be happy all the time and that its appropriate to express anger and sadness. It's also a vaccination against Oneitis because you can have passions for many different things and the source of your happiness doesn't come from a woman. The happiness comes from you, like a solar panel collecting sunlight.

Other benefits also include:

Higher Chance of ----- Lower Chance Of
life satisfaction ----- self-criticism
wisdom ----- depression
happiness ----- anxiety
optimism ----- rumination (bad thoughts)
curiosity ----- thought suppression
learning goals ----- perfectionism
social connectedness ---- disordered eating
personal responsibility ----- needing validation

In TheRedPill, the teaching of how to become an Alpha also correlate with an increase in Self Compassion. In other words, by increasing self compassion you actually develop more Alpha like qualities. Below are some way to improve self compassion.

Self Compassion Part How to Improve it the TRP Way
Self-Kindness Lift Weights and take care of your nutrition to give your body encouragement. Your needs come first, and have DGAF mentality. Aesthetics and getting muscles will improve your life. Love yourself.
Common humanity Approach women, and realize that rejection is better than regret. No one is perfect and we are all going to make it. Practise your social skills on strangers to discover that all of us have problems and no one is perfect. A high common humality can lead to increases in Status and Game. It's okay to have approach anxiety, everyone does.
Mindfulness Meditate. Practice having a strong frame of reality by doing self reflection. Do Monk Mode for focus and realize that its okay to show your whole spectrum of emotions.

BluePill encourages Low Self Compassion

The problem with the bluepill model of thinking is that it is encouraged for men to have low self-compassion. Low self compassion is encouraged in an environment of the mediocre and female worship.

Self Compassion Part Ways BluePill Discourages It
Self-Kindless Bluepill discourages self-kindless by shaming men who don't want to please women. Bluepill thinking believes that a man's kindness should be used to please the needs of his girlfriend or mother. His mission in life is to find his soulmate and support her forever. His needs are low priority and he is shamed if he wants to lead a bachelor life or buy a sports car.
Common humanity Bluepill encourages men to isolate themselves instead of seeking help from others. The act of showing vulnerability is shamed by using phrases like "Man UP". Blue pill encourages men to toughen up and to have a harsh inner critic that is very negative. Men are disposable, so if they are failures its normal. Talking about problems is very unmanly, just suck it up.
Mindfulness Bluepill encourages men to repress emotions and feelings. This is an unhealthy habit because the repression of emotions is on the top of the list for the main causes of Oneitis and People Pleaser Syndrome. For others repressing emotions is a very numb experience, almost autistic in nature.

Self, The Operating System of You

The book Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltrz pioneered the concept of the Self Image which is the idea one has of one's abilities, appearance, and personality. Having high self compassion is like an upgrade to the way one thinks of ourselves. It's like adding a turbo charger to a car or a new graphics card to a computer. The mind is like an operating system of a computer, and follows an "if this, then that" type of programming. IF you have happy thoughts, then that causes an increase of confidence. Just like a computer your mind can be infected by "mental malware" that is a virus that hijacks your way of thinking. Having high self compassion is an antivirus to this "mental malware".

Mental Malware Main Cause How Self-Compassion Prevents It
Oneitis Low Self Kindness Having high self compassion prevents oneitis because you train yourself to take care of your own needs first. Having high self love encorages a worldview were you don't need the validation of another person to feel satisfied. You can leave the friendzone if she says no because you have the confidence to try again with another girl.
Performance Anxiety Low Common humanity Realizing that everyone makes mistakes and that you tried your best prevents perfectionism. You are happy to take risks because you know failure is alright. Common humanity has revealed to you that no one operates at 100% at all times.
Weak Frame Low Mindfulness You don't let others influence or control your emotions. It's alright to express "bad" emotions and you don't feel pressured to always be happy or joyful.
People Pleaser Low Self Kindness Having a encouraging or motivating inner voice prevents you from adopting the idea that you need to keep others happy. Your high self kindness motivates you to have a standard that compares you to yourself; not others. Empathy is a my privilege, not a right. If they get mad it is not your problem.
Social Anxiety Low Common humanity You realize that nobody is perfect and we all have problems.Common humanity is proof that everyone strikes out in the mating game. Getting rejected by a girl is normal human behavior and it doesn't mean there is nothing wrong with you.
Stress Rollercoaster Low Mindfulness You realize that only you can influence your emotions, and if you are stressed you have the ability to calm your mind. By having high Mindfulness you realize that your frame of reality is stronger than hers.
Atlas Personality Low Self Kindness Having an Atlas personality means that you feel you have to take care of other people's problems, and their stresses and problems are on your shoulders. An Atlas personality results in a life that is devoid of fun and you seem to be solving people's problem. Having high self kindness prevents an atlas personality because you realize that the only problems that needs solving are yours; and possibly your immediate family.
Narcissistic Abuse Low Common humanity Narcissistic abuse is when someone constantly belittles you and makes you feel worthless. Having high Common humanity prevents this because you recognize that you just because someone calls you a failure or a loser doesn't mean its true.
Codependency Low Mindfulness Codependency is an excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner. Having high mindfulness prevents codependency because you realize that you are only responsible for your own feelings and emotions. A girl using sympathy tricks to get you to whiteknight doesn't work on you.

Conclusion

We have reached the end of this self compassion topic. You may ask, do you have any recommend readings to learn more about self-compassion? Sure, see the chart below.

Part Recommend Reading
Self-Compassion (General) "Self Compassion by Kristen Neff
Self-Kindness 10% Happier: How I Tamed the Voice in My Head by Dan Harris
Common humanity Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller
Mindfullness Mindfullness by Mark Williams

You got this!