Lament of the CC rider.

UnsuccessfullyLucid · 2019-03-09T14:53:27+00:00

So entitled. Wants her first ever long term relationship to be the last one and work out forever. She has no idea what a real relationship entails and will be unable to compromise on anything.

DeeplyDisturbed1 · 2019-03-09T15:11:18+00:00

I wanted to say this on a few other threads, but this is as good a place as any:

When you are a parent, your priority must be your children. Period. Looking for dates, men, money, parties, or simply trying to get laid is a horribly selfish orientation to have as a parent. Children need a lot of care, nurturing, education, and attention (for starters). If you work as a single parent, you are going to struggle giving them the bare minimum they need to be solid people. If you are working AND dating, then you are REALLY and deliberately slacking on the most important job you have left.
Being stable, steady, reliable, loyal, and trustworthy in a relationship is how you maintain one. You do not get good at LTR's by playing the field and being "independent". You get good at an LTR by practicing on the one you are in. If that person dies, or leaves you for no good reason, then you have practiced how to do this and should have no problems.

These things are not true because I say so, or because Conservatives are trying to control anyone, but because this is how children and relationships work. The data on this is so clear, so overwhelming, and so consistent over time, it takes a deliberate effort to remain ignorant to believe otherwise.

houseoftolstoy · 2019-03-09T15:26:18+00:00

I’ve never had a serious relationship, only short term casual things with men. I was very focused on becoming independent and had a lot of trauma from my upbringing that kept me from seriously dating until now unfortunately.

She never focused on being serious about having a long term relationship, so I am skeptical of how well she will be able to flip the switch based on past behavior. Also, if "becoming independent" means that you forego relationships, that tells me that you have swallowed too many feminist pills. Why does "independence" always have to equate to being a slut these days?

I’m at an age now where everyone is getting married and it’s likely I’d want to marry the next person I date because I’m getting old and I know after 30 it gets harder.

Jumping on the bandwagon is never a good reason to do something. If she was serious about getting married, she would not have been having her flings and only been involved with guys she was seriously dating from the start. I would guess that all her friends were dating more seriously much earlier than she was.

The only thing is I am very worried that it’s inevitable my next relationship will fail because I’ve never actually been in one.

Never having a relationship does not mean you will fail with a long term relationship. But living your life with the exact opposite of preparation for a long term relationship will create issues.

I don’t want to date someone for a year or a few years and find out they’re not right for me and end up alone in my later twenties or thirty but I feel as if this is going to be the likely outcome.

This tells me she has no idea how to vet men. How could she though? Short term flings means she was only focused on looks and excitement rather than good qualities in men. Had she been consistent with the desire for a long term relationship, she would be far less likely to have the issue with trying to determine how to find a good man. She would very likely be planning her own wedding just like her friends.

ogrilla99 · 2019-03-09T17:37:00+00:00

Wow. Where to start?

1) Let's see, the trauma keeps you from developing an emotional connection, but doesn't prevent you from having casual sex? Doubt it. Plus she doesn't say that due to trauma, she's afraid of getting close to someone. She *wants* to get close to someone, and just doesn't know how. The trauma is an excuse for the primary problem: she prefers casual flings but now is feeling pressure to settle down but doesn't really want to do it, and doesn't really know how.

2) At least she's aware that without being in a long-term relationship, she has no idea how to make one work. The way you get married when you're in your late 20s is to start looking seriously for a guy in your early 20s. Either that or have an arranged marriage like in some cultures. If you seriously want to get married soon, you need to stop the flings, and start from square one in learning how to recognize a good guy who's marriage material, figure out how to be / stay attracted to him, then spend some time seeing if it will work. Most likely, the first couple of times it won't. That's the nature of the game.

3) I don't think she wants marriage for the right reasons. The only reason she gives for wanting to get married is that all her friends are doing it. IOW, she still likes the CC, just feels peer pressure to get off it. That's bad news. Whatever guy she ends up with right now will be blamed for her no longer having "fun", etc. The only way an LTR works is if both people *want* what their LTR provides. Otherwise, it's just resentment and bitterness.

4) This is so emblematic of so many young women who think they can just ride the CC for years and then somehow a perfect LTR will just happen and they'll ride off into the sunset. Knowing how to manage a fuckboy gives you zero insight into knowing how to keep a husband happy. If you waste time with casual flings, you'll have to start from the bottom when you eventually want a real relationship. Start in your early 20s and maybe, just maybe, you'll have the skills to be in a good relationship by the time you hit your peak in your mid/late 20s.

The only thing going for her is she's starting relatively early. If she decides she really, really wants an LTR for the right reasons (not where she's at right now), she still has time to find a good guy and settle down, have kids, etc. But if she spends the next several years blaming her trauma rather than her own impulses, she'll be in her thirties and nowhere closer to a happy life.

WiseMonkeyGoodMonkey · 2019-03-09T21:15:56+00:00

"I've been a whore my whole life because <insert popular reason that makes it sound like it's out of my control> and I'm worried that I don't know how not to be a whore and it will preemptively ruin anything real I try for."

Life sucks almost as badly as you do. Deal with it.

Captainbuttman · 2019-03-09T17:04:09+00:00

I want to see her post again in a year. The average age of marriage in the us is 27 so even more of her friends will be getting married by then. So she will definitely be more unhinged.

moorekom · 2019-03-09T17:11:19+00:00

I’m at an age now where everyone is getting married and it’s likely I’d want to marry the next person I date because I’m getting old and I know after 30 it gets harder.

That's the market correction in action caused by heavy dread. I hope this harlot does not find a fool to fund her retirement.

KingOfPomerania · 2019-03-09T19:10:21+00:00

Women have a choice: sleep around for years or have a stable marriage. You cannot have both!

Revenant221 · 2019-03-10T03:33:37+00:00

I’d want to marry the next person I date because I’m getting old and I know after 30 it gets harder.

Oh yeah, don’t marry a person you love, marry the next person you see in the detergent aisle at target because you spent your good years riding the CC. A marriage that begins on the basis of a ticking time clock will definitely go the distance. Nothing bad will happen there.

Extra_Napkins · 2019-03-09T21:53:50+00:00

It will fail because your personality sucks and you are just a semen dispensary.

Mecha_Hobbit · 2019-03-09T22:15:55+00:00

This is hilarious. RPM video said, women today are "professional daters" & have no clue on how to maintain a relationship.👏👏👏

ChiTownBob · 2019-03-09T20:12:46+00:00

C'mon, she's an independent wyman. She don't need anyone!

Stahlboden · 2019-03-10T04:27:18+00:00

I like how the only reason she's looking for an LTR is because she's getting older and the marriage is a good way to trap a provider. Some beta will have to pay the full price for this depreciating asset!

void_magic · 2019-03-10T06:09:40+00:00

Solution: Stay independent, you earned it.

turtlearther · 2019-03-10T07:51:03+00:00

Can someone explain how or why it would take her several years to figure out that someone isn't "right for me"?

Anyone?

crickets

[deleted] · 2019-03-10T22:33:06+00:00

"I was very focused on becoming independent and had a lot of trauma from my upbringing that kept me from seriously dating until now unfortunately." - Not my fawlt

"I’m at an age now where everyone is getting married and it’s likely I’d want to marry the next person I date because I’m getting old and I know after 30 it gets harder. " - The wall & women are herd creatures

"I don’t want to date someone for a year or a few years and find out they’re not right for me and end up alone in my later twenties or thirty but I feel as if this is going to be the likely outcome. " - Pair bonding mechanism destroyed to pieces by her own doing, desperation.

I pity her next boyfriend, he's going to be a baby daddy against his own will.

JackieChansStuntGuy · 2019-03-10T16:26:03+00:00

Trauma that prevents her from having a successful LTR? Her dad/step-dad/mom’s bf either didn’t love her enough or a little too much.

notyourdude201 · 2019-03-12T01:01:25+00:00

I’ve never had a serious relationship, only short term casual things with men. I was very focused on becoming independent and had a lot of trauma from my upbringing that kept me from seriously dating until now unfortunately.

Trauma! THE HORROR! CRY ME A RIVER! GIMME ALL THE PILLOWS AND TOYS! WHERE'S MY SAFE SPACE?

Fuck off snowflake. Everyone has their pains growing up. Why would you let your traumas stop you from living the life you want?

I’m at an age now where everyone is getting married and it’s likely I’d want to marry the next person I date because I’m getting old and I know after 30 it gets harder.

You don't get married because you're old and everyone else is getting married. You get married because you want to. It seems to me that you don't even want to get married for its own sake, but you are just conforming like an NPC.

I don’t want to date someone for a year or a few years and find out they’re not right for me

I can find out if a person is compatible with me after just a week of dating. Can you?

and end up alone in my later twenties or thirty but I feel as if this is going to be the likely outcome.

Yeah, continue to be a negative pessimistic thinker. You deserve the cucumber and cats.

NotherThrowaway284 · 2019-03-10T03:44:30+00:00

Sounds like the title of a Leadbelly song.

Title	Lament of the CC rider.
Author	sleepyweaselisawake
Upvotes	118
Comments	77
Date	March 9, 2019 2:28 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen/comments/az40f9/lament_of_the_cc_rider/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen/lament-of-the-cc-rider.346563 https://theredarchive.com/post/346563

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