what's up gents.

Theres this girl, we'll car her sara, who I dated very closely for 5 years between 16-21. Our relationship was pretty advanced from the very beginning as in we lived across the street from each other and met on a wednesday and she asked me to be her boyfriend on that friday. Then we hung out every single day exclusively for like 4-6 hours until 2 months later she told me she was falling in love with me, I told her I was as well a couple days after.

She broke up with me after 2 years and we stayed apart for about 8 weeks and then got back together. this happened when we had just entered college and she didn't know what she wanted apparently blah blah

then at the end of year 3 mark she broke up with me again, this time we were apart for 3 months. during this time though i thought of her a lot until one day i invited her over and told her that I loved her and I wanted to make us work (even though there was nothing necessarily ever wrong)

we also rolled together on molly just the 2 of us which obviously made us super close and allowed us to articulate all the feelings we both had been holding back.

Now 6 months after this I get a phone call from her to come pick her up she had to talk. Turns out she had slept with one of my good friends a couple hours earlier and had to tell. she was drunk when I picked her up. this came completely out of left field. I'm still shocked to this day that it even happened. The kid is ugly and just an asshole. he was a friend in my group of friends because he was 'our asshole' kind of thing. now nobody likes him.

so after this happened sara had admitted that what happened was the guy kept testing his boundaries with her and feeding her drinks and would try and touch her and she admitted that it got to the point that she was so drunk that she told me she was horny and didn't care in that moment in time. which is still shitty, but it was a truthful answer nonetheless.

after this event we stayed up all night talking about if we were goin to stay together, she cried and cried and cried. we took a walk and i told her flat out that she had to decide if she wanted to be with me forever because i couldn't go through breakups and cheating and she literally got down on her knees and swore to me and knew that I was the man she wanted to be with in her life.

So 6 months after that we moved in together and things were going really well when completely out of the blue she wakes up one morning with me in bed and tells me that we need to break up. I am beyond shocked that this is happening yet again.

she tells me that it's because she wants to be alone and work on her self and was not interested in anyone nor interested in hooking up with anyone at least for a while. She said that she was not happy with herself and said that she can't be happy in a relationship until she is happy with herself. she also had stated that she doesn't want to predict the future but that she hopes I am in it.

I of course was devastated. It's now been 4 months since the break up and i think about her all day every day. Truth is fellow gentlemen, I love this girl with everything I have in me, and It's a feeling I can not control. our relationship sounds horrible she i only was pointing out bad things mainly, but when things weren't bad they were great, the great to bad ratio was honestly 90-10.

it's also worth mentioning this girl is legitimately drop dead gorgeous.

so my question is how do I get out of the mind set of thinking about sara , or worse, fantasizing about getting back together with her because I really love her that much and I do honestly think we work together it's just she is emotionally unstable due to having a shit childhood and terrible father who never has told her he loved her. but I was willing to accept these problems because i care for her and was that invested in our relationship.

I can't possibly imagine feelings half as strong for anyone else that I have for her which really depresses me. Should i be hopeful we get back together? I also just don't understand what happened. She left me out of nowhere, Literally a week prior she had told me she was so happy she would be with me forever and we were gonna get married have kids etc and we had been having sex regularly.

shits fucked up. How do I stop being in love with this girl who just put me through all this shit?

she historically has always come back to me. So lets say a few years from now she was has herself figured out and she wants to get back together with me do i do it? I feel like if I do it shows i allow her to disrespect me but at the same time she is just really that one person who does it for me that I would do anything for.

Shit this is long. Thanks for reading guys.