I just can't do it

machimus · 2015-09-01T21:18:16+00:00

You got got. It happens.

Think about the billions of times people have cheated on each other in human history over a hundred thousand years. Think about how you will feel about it in 20 years. You won't care.

Courage, by the way, is not the absence of fear, but rather willing to be vulnerable even when there is a risk of being hurt. Your gamble didn't work out this time. Next time you will have more experience.

abdada · 2015-09-01T21:34:49+00:00

Fuck LTRs?

You're angry, that's good. Own it. That anger isn't to her, it's because you STOPPED lifting, reading, hanging with friends, etc.

She swinged to a new branch. That branch might be temporary. She might try swinging back.

Just remember: your relationships are a reflection of the man you are, not the man you were or will be. Always be closing. I never gave up on LTRs but I also never gave up on securing my options and contingencies when the LTR was ending.

_meursault_ · 2015-09-01T22:18:27+00:00

I blocked her so she started messaging on fb. Bullshit about how she was sorry. And how I am a huge part of her life she can't let go - she won't give it up and will never go away.

She just wanted you to absolve her of her guilt for cheating. It's not real remorse. I read some of your previous posts. If this group is largely your male friends, then why is she still being invited to social events after she cheated on you? Why don't your bro's have your back?

Gawernator · 2015-09-02T00:08:44+00:00

It goes away. Eventually you will look at this with many more layers of callouses and think about how glad you are you found out and left her so that you didn't get stuck with her cheating for longer. The pain of being betrayed fades and the realization of how you got off easier than you could have surfaces.

What the fuck did I do to deserve her kicking me while I'm down.

Almost all women do this at break-ups. She has to hamster to herself that she branch swung UP not down. In order to do this she needs to see you as a weak individual. The easiest way to see you as a weak individual is to crush you and laugh at how much of a pussy you are. It's her own defense mechanism. Try not to let it phase you. Actually understanding that it's like being bitten by a wounded animal is a huge asset in not letting it phase you.

CopperFox3c · 2015-09-02T03:04:12+00:00

The strangest thing about these situations is that you didn't do anything bad, she did. But you're the one who feels bad. She somehow "won" and you "lost". Fuck that.

Why should you feel bad? She did something shitty, not you. She didn't win shit, unless it's Shitty Person of the Year award. You have to break that mentality of being the one who lost. The only way you lose is if you lose frame. If you let her define the reality. Be the rock. Be stoic. This is her drama. Not yours. Don't own it. Don't let it define you. And for all things fucking holy, do not feel bad about it.

All things come and go. You cannot hold them, cannot possess them. She was never yours, it was just your turn.

mcs__typ · 2015-09-02T00:18:42+00:00

I know exactly how you feel, bro. Although she won't admit it my wife cheated and left me (I posted the story yesterday) and it still fucks with me from time to time, but nowhere near as bad as when the news first hit. The good news is that you have to reach rock bottom before you can dust yourself off, and the bitch's impact on you will be less and less as time goes on.

RedPillJax · 2015-09-02T01:49:19+00:00

You know what needs to happen.

All I'll say is this: You said you made convo with your old girl's new guy - from what I gather the guy she cheated on you with, and was all buddy-buddy with him?

Man, getting angry and punching him in the face is beta as fuck, but so is acting like he's your best friend.

I'll go against the grain here and say while sure, it's not his fault - it was hers, you still don't need to pretend he's your best friend in order to take the high road. Don't be butthurt about it, but also don't appease people you fucking hate just because you're trying to make shit not awkward.

My man, shit gets better. You've not put work into raising your SMV enough yet. You may not have had the time, really - but focus on it. It's extremely hard to give a fuck what your ex is doing when an HB8 with fake tits is begging you to bust a load in her ass.

Believe me man, I've been where you've been more than I care to remember. Stay the course. It gets better.

KingFeet · 2015-09-02T01:25:41+00:00

Hey buddy. You'll see that most of us here are reaching out to support you. A lot of us have been in your shoes and we know it hurts. I'd say that most of us here weren't red pill by default, but became so through experiences like your's.

Remember that your worth has nothing to do with her opinion of you. Many women are fickle, and many just want to play around. Consider it a kiss of fortune that you're no longer spending your time with a cheating ho. That guy she's with now? He's stuck with someone who has no problem cheating. Once a person cheats, it's hard for them to go back to being honest - if not impossible. She is not worth your time of day.

My personal advice to you? I know that the grieving process is bad. I worked out consecutively for 25 days after going through what you did. I had never done something that required so much will power so consistently in my life. The pain, however, did not go away through this. What did relieve my pain was hanging out with my closest, real friends and spending some time playing sports with them. Football, soccer, frisbee. Join an intramural league. Refresh your bonds with your best friends and keep them strong. All the while, it won't hurt to mess around on Tinder and girls and see if you're ready to have some fun on the side.

Good luck. I hope it all gets better soon.

masterrod · 2015-09-02T01:42:16+00:00

Fuck 10 girls ..

[deleted] · 2015-09-02T04:10:25+00:00

NO CONTACT. I repeat NO CONTACT.

Get moar bitches and the thoughts will disappear

sodainthewatercup6 · 2015-09-02T05:00:13+00:00

Call me bro. pm on its way to you. You need to vent.

YourShadowScholar · 2015-09-02T06:31:39+00:00

What is a salesforce certification?

acceptReality · 2015-09-02T08:43:41+00:00

I'm in a similar situation bro. I suspect that your supposed friends don't really give a shit about you (it is way more common than it seems, you're ofter just a commodity to other people). EVERY FUCKING HUMAN BEING could understand that being into your position is fucking harsh, and they should protect you and let the bitch go on her own way, or at least mutually invite her or you. Face it, they simply perfer her over you (probably not because they like her any better, it's just that being a girl she's seen as a resource).

If that's the case, i'd say you better stay on your own for a while, and hang out with somebody else. It will take 4 to 6 months to get better. AVOID CONTACT, AVOID CONTACT, AVOID CONTACT until you don't really feel anything toward this girl (and this often happens just when you're with a new girl..)

I've been trying to suppress my feelings for a few months, but they'll eventually pop out. Let yourself be sad at times, watch some pictures and cry, allow yourself to be desperate. Your brain will slowly understand that she's just gone, and there's nothing you can do about it.

In the meanwhile TRUST THAT THIS THING IS GOING TO BE PAST SOMEDAY, because it will. Don't live in the moment, see the big picture and do what is necessary to keep your value high.

In 6 months you'll be better, it will be time to get a new GF or some now plates to spin. Invest in yourself (i see you're already doing it, that's good)! When this is all over, you'll be just ready to fight the world again, much stronger and wiser than before.

We got your back bro. Stay strong.

wanderer779 · 2015-09-02T14:11:04+00:00

Our tendency is to think that whatever is going on currently will continue. When you imagine your future you see it pretty much the same as the present. But if you look at people's lives, or at your own life if you're old enough, you see that it doesn't work that way. You may have a friend now who you trust, and tomorrow he'll sell you out one way or another and you'll be done with him. 10 years later you won't know him. That is kind of sad but I think the root of a lot of that sadness is laziness. You don't want to get out and make new friends or hit on new girls, or make that step towards a new career. Then when you finally do it you wonder why you waited so long.

There are plenty of opportunities out there for you besides some slut. This bitch could care less about you. You've got a finite amount of time, how much do you want to spend worrying about people who don't care about you?

Merwebb · 2015-09-02T17:01:44+00:00

Man if you have talked to your friends and they keep inviting her, to hell with those people.

Dont run from your emotions, on the contrary be aware of them and learn from it. Be angry.

She cheated, its on her yes, but you need to increase your value because after all she ended up leaving (with or without another penis) and you stayed all hung up on the issue. I do know it hurts, a situation like this is what brought me here, but you gotta open your eyes and see that you need improving, we all do.

Women are vengeful creatures, if you keep playing her game of "look at me i dont care" you will lose on the long run. She needs this and you dont.

Breath fresh air, be angry, use this amazing energy to get the momentum you need to start a new life.

billybob02 · 2015-09-02T23:39:05+00:00

There was a really long comment here that someone posted. It was really good, wanted to read it again but it was deleted I guess. Not sure why. Thanks everyone for the comments. I really appreciate it. I can't wait till these feelings pass.

billybob02 · 2015-09-01T23:50:09+00:00

Let me be harsh. Stop being a God damn fucking pussy

Now I'll be a bro. Get out there and let TRP shape your life. Women aren't your life. They are just a variable. When that variable stops benefiting your life you drop that variable. The only constant is you. Everything else is a variable

Title	I just can't do it
Author	billybob02
Upvotes	23
Comments	83
Date	September 1, 2015 9:05 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3j9q4c/i_just_cant_do_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/i-just-cant-do-it.153279 https://theredarchive.com/post/153279

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