Wife says I'm changing. Doesn't like it.

jeezydasnowman · 2016-10-11T21:45:47+00:00

Step 1: lift and pass shit tests.

You aren't passing or even recognizing shit tests. Read the sidebar on shit tests now.

Buy me something expensive.
I don't like your place.
I don't like the way you drive.
You're not serious enough.
You are too good to me.
You make me feel like I don't matter to you.
Why are you always with your friends
You use me for sex
You're a bad listener
I can't beleive you liked her post on instagram

Also think about the shit tests she's been giving you. Think of good responses you can give where you agree and amplify with amused mastery.

you are changing.
I don't like "it"/"this"
Stop eating so wierd
If we break up it'll be on your iniative
Stop trying to fuck me
I won't fuck you until you apologize/do something

Peter_B_Long · 2016-10-11T22:11:49+00:00

Yeah man I went through the same shit. It'll be up and down, but very slowly it'll be going up if you play your cards right.

I got major resistance from my LTR of 4 years. Trick is to have an IDGAF attitude, and abundance mentality. Also, keep her on her toes.

Me and my gf were arguing for like 2 weeks. Kind of a cold war thing where I was dread gaming but she was also staying aloof and using her annoying pride to not beg for my attention. We met up at a friends house and we had a good time. I ended up taking her home, we were on our way to mc donalds to grab a smoothie. My windows fogged up and there was a hand print on the inside of my car window. She asked me about it, and I told her, "I just noticed that, don't know how it got there, looks like the sex scene from Titanic was shot in here doesn't it?" and she gave me this look, and mumbled, "but we haven't done it in here recently", and I just smirked. I wanted to crack up laughing but I liked the crazy imagination that was going through her head so she got dropped off with that 'what if'.

It's different for you, because you're married. Something that helped me out a lot is knowing that I can dump this girl and move on, so it helps me put up with her shit and live my own life.

stonepimpletilists · 2016-10-11T23:26:59+00:00

She will fight your changes kicking and screaming. It's normal. Eventually the power will shift during a main event and huge comfort test

OFAFV · 2016-10-11T21:54:04+00:00

Shit tests bro, you gotta learn how to deal with it. My question, are you changing for the better? Then your wife is insecure about your rising SMV.

As for withholding sex? Next time she does it, pick her up, throw her on the bed and escalate. See if she still witholds it.

Check the main sub for more info on shit tests or check the married red pill sub for more info how to deal with your wife.

AFPJ · 2016-10-12T00:23:27+00:00

She argues a lot more with me now and

digging her heels in the ground trying to revert my progress.

No shit, a beta bitch is a safe bitch, and you're her safety - the point of safety is ...safety.

Not attraction. Not fun. Not enjoyability. Not love. No, it's safety: that's where you are.

says to me "you are changing." ... catch was that she doesn't like it.

Of course she says she doesn't like it, see above.

She will try and get me to eat food that goes against my diet.

Fuck this, eat clean, get huge, acquire dread.

if we were to break up that I would most likely be the one breaking up

And this, silly bait. Hope you didn't respond.

She will argue with me more often about stupid issues.

And this, more psychologibait - don't take it.

She seems to now be withholding out on sex.

Tries to use it as a bargaining tool a whole lot more than in the past.

Every time she does this, call her behavior and tell her OK, no sex it is.

At first, for a week. Then two. Then a month. She'll get it eventually.

Stay strong & know that she'll be a source of pure mental and spiritual poison to guard against rather than your partner - because to her, you aren't her partner. You're her bitch. She'll do anything she can to keep it this way.

If it gets palpable, fully close yourself off. If she doesn't break in half a year or so, you should move on - your only real option to keep women behaving right is the ability to walk away. With that said, dread of the kind I mention should be a last resort, especially in marriage. If you can't inflict change positively, losing trust still beats losing the relationship.

Alas, most relationships like this involve two people, both of whom think they're settling. Is it really worth saving?

Tiway22 · 2016-10-12T00:33:16+00:00

She's testing the new you. Pass her bullshit and she will start to respect you when she sees you aren't fucking around.

Mufasa15 · 2016-10-12T09:20:00+00:00

In the first months of starting to learn about the Red Pill I went through a 'rough patch' and eventually broke up with my now ex-girlfriend.

After the matter I wondered what had gone wrong if I had learnt, and what I realized is that this a journey, it really is a matter of reading the side bar, putting in practice what you read, and learn from the situation.

Use the Side Bar and Search Bar (or Google), it is likely that someone has gone through a similar situation.

Read, practice, and learn.

Also take a look at:

The Ultimate Shit Test: Withholding Sex by /u/redpillbanana
HumanSockPuppet’s Guide to Managing Your Bitches by /u/HumanSockPuppet

balalasaurus · 2016-10-12T05:46:12+00:00

The longer I live, the more I become convinced monogamy is not a natural state. However, I have yet to be married so I cannot say with complete personal confidence that it cannot work, which is why I'm going to give you another way to look at your situation.

Your wife is projecting her insecurities. This is normal. Women are more in tune with SMV and the changes that can happen to it. They've just been playing the game longer than we have. She knows your value has risen beyond her own and is: a) shit testing you to make sure that this rise in value is real and b) worried that she will lose you if it is.

Now you have two options here. You can either dismiss these actions and just cut her out of your life or you can remind her of her duty to keep the relationship one you would willingly invest in.

Remember Briffault's law: The female, not the male, determines all the conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no benefit from association with the male, no such association takes place.

Most people take this to mean that you are responsible for being association worthy (which is true) but this is not the only way to see it. The law also implies that women have a duty to be worthy of investment. Your wife is no exception.

Her weaponizing her sex is her way of reacting to the situation but the truth is, she now has more to lose than she thinks.

Ultimately you have to make a choice for the both of you. Get rid of her, or keep this thing going; it's entirely up to you. Just make sure you understand the consequences of each.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2016-10-12T06:36:48+00:00

Wife says I'm changing. Doesn't like it.

Congrats. You're doing it right.

Why doesn't she like it? Because....

She's openly said that if we were to break up that I would most likely be the one breaking up with her.

You're DREADING the fuck out of her.

When you were her porky little couch potato, she loved it. Loved those little love handles. Because she was in charge. Now she's not. Other women might want to make the fuck-sex with you and take you away from her.

She will argue with me more often about stupid issues.

And you are not administering disciplinary spankings, why?

She seems to now be withholding out on sex. Tries to use it as a bargaining tool a whole lot more than in the past.

Tell her if that's how it is, you will have to start chatting up that cute Latina at the gym.

Any advice?

Keep going.

Actually chat up the cute Latina at the gym if she doesn't unfuck herself.

W_O_M_B_A_T · 2016-10-12T00:42:18+00:00

Not your job to change her. Assume that at best, her behavior will be basically the same.

If she's unpleasant, bitchy, or disrespectful to you, just leave and do something else. Head to the gym if necessary. Invest your time and energy in things that actually bring you value and people who act like they appreciate that you're around.

Laugh off at her complaints and attempts to argue. Deal as with any shit test. Ignore & change subject, A&A, pressure flip, and outright neg if she repeats.

MattyAnon · 2016-10-12T04:36:09+00:00

The only catch was that she doesn't like it.

So .... ?

She's openly said that if we were to break up that I would most likely be the one breaking up with her.

And that's the reason - she's insecure so is dragging you down.

Tries to use it as a bargaining tool a whole lot more than in the past

Any advice?

Divorce.

Seriously - this woman is holding you back and withholding sex. Marriage is PAYING for sex....you are paying, and you are not even getting the sex. She's getting your commitment though.

Seriously consider divorce as an option. You can't save the relationship, but you can save yourself.

You deserve better than a woman who holds you back rather than improving herself.

vic_rattle18 · 2016-10-12T00:44:12+00:00

This can be summed up as you surpassing her smv

BestSC86 · 2016-10-12T00:49:10+00:00

what is your diet and what foods is she trying to get you to eat? honestly this sounds like she is extremely insecure and is filled with dread. she is trying to sabotage you in order to keep you around. ironically if she succeeds in doing this, she will hate you, cause you'll be a spineless beta. redpill sometimes backfires because some women are just so pathetic and sad and insecure inside that they can't actually handle an alpha. some women outright refuse to date men who are too confidence or attractive, instead going for relationships with easily controlled betas who they can't respect or be attracted to, but are safe cause they can't do better. this is the part of redpill no one talks about, when it back fires. it sounds like it is backfiring for you. either she gets used to it, or she will go insane from her insecurities. either way just don't worry about it. if she can't handle it, go date a woman with self esteem who won't try to drag you down just so you can't do better than her.

michael_wilkins · 2016-10-12T04:56:50+00:00

Everyone is saying it's just shit tests, which might be true, but this is your wife. I assume you live with her and spend most of your time with each other?

You can't have amused mastery because your wife knows what you were like previously.

It seems like she's not happy with the new you. If you are and want to continue then you have a problem.

You need to make the choice and decide do you want to keep her happy and go back, or make you happy and continue?

I don't think you can satisfy both.

Nyquil-Junkie · 2016-10-12T02:58:13+00:00

When you start using sex as a weapon its all downhill from there.

silentlyfurious · 2016-10-12T04:55:13+00:00

She's openly said that if we were to break up that I would most likely be the one breaking up with her.

My interpretation is that she knows you are changing, becoming the alpha you need(she needs) you to be, she FEELZ it, viscerally even, and because of that her subconscious is making the decision not to leave and to hold on as tight as motherfucking possible for fear of being alpha widowed.

Askada · 2016-10-12T08:33:31+00:00

She's openly said that if we were to break up that I would most likely be the one breaking up with her.

She's just dreading herself. That's good.

Just pass her shit tests like pointless arguing or withholding sex (thats not acceptable).

SetConsumes · 2016-10-12T15:03:09+00:00

Your wife feels herself losing power in your relationship, and she hates it.

What you are going through is normal. Maybe you'll make it through together, maybe not. Expect at least one big fight.

I started my red pill journey December 2015. The other day my wife says to me "you are changing.". It was nice to hear, knowing that I had made progress. Both internally and externally. The only catch was that she doesn't like it. She argues a lot more with me now and it sometimes feels as if she's digging her heels in the ground trying to revert my progress.

Can any of these arguments be avoided? If they're not an argument you want to have to change her behavior, see where you can diffuse and misdirect to avoid an argument all together.

A couple examples;. She will try and get me to eat food that goes against my diet.

Such a dirty tactic to see how she can control you. Women use food against men to better control and influence them.

Shes not stupid she's doing it purposefully.

She's openly said that if we were to break up that I would most likely be the one breaking up with her. She will argue with me more often about stupid issues.

Power struggles, messing with you. If she's thinking about break ups realize she is considering the possibility strongly.

She seems to now be withholding out on sex. Tries to use it as a bargaining tool a whole lot more than in the past.

This is unacceptable behavior. I would deal with this severely. Like 24 hour silence if she tries to use sex against you. Make yourself busy and stay out of the house if needed.

You need to up your dread more, let her feel and preferably see that other women want you.

Maybe I'm also just more aware of it too. I'm not making any changes for her by any means. I guess my question would be, has anyone else gone through this before? Any advice?

Keep focusing on yourself and paying attention to what she does and what she's really wanting.

Late30sMasculist · 2016-10-12T16:56:26+00:00

She's openly said that if we were to break up that I would most likely be the one breaking up with her.

This was a golden opportunity to pass her comfort test, while still getting her to behave better towards you in the future.

Her: If we break up, you're more likely to leave me than me leave you.

You (hugging her, comforting her): Baby, why would I ever want to leave you? You're a great wife. You give me lots of sex. You learned to cook those (meals that fit your diet) and keep me fed. You're usually pleasant when I come home from work....

Add in whatever behavior you WANT her to display, and use that as evidence for why you wouldn't leave her.

If she is fearful of you leaving, use that fear to get her to do things that you want, while making her feel good at the same time. Win-win.

ven5 · 2016-10-14T09:26:23+00:00

She's afraid you're cheating. To her there doesn't seem to be a reason for you to improve. Changing yourself, from a woman's perspective, is unnatural and disgusts them. However once your improvements really show, you'll reap the rewards. Just carry on and stay positive.

that_italia_guy · 2016-10-11T22:55:07+00:00

She's openly said that if we were to break up that I would most likely be the one breaking up with her.

She seems to now be withholding out on sex.

That doesn't add up. If she's so worried you'll leave her, she'd be fucking you.

Tries to use it as a bargaining tool a whole lot more than in the past.

Check this out: fuck that. She already used it as a bargaining tool by getting you to commit the rest of your damn life to her. Don't let sex come off the table, let her dread the thought of it.

red-pill-questions · 2016-10-12T04:23:04+00:00

Hey man Lotta advice here. Marriage seems to be a tricky aubjecr if you've already gone down that path.

My only advice is to rough it out. Keep progressing in your path of self improvement. The dread SHOULD change her tune once you're undeniably more attractive to her. I think that right now she recognises that you are beginning to advance yourselfnout of her league and this is a last ditch attempt to stop you before it's too late.

Try and tough it out. This lazy attempt from her to stop you should turn into her freaking out about losing you and sucking up instead and improving herself as a wife.

She knows she has to get off her ass to deserve you. She just doesnt like that there's pressure now. Like two junkies shooting smack together . they became codependant and felt content as long as they both were fucking themselves up together. If one person decides to quit and shape up their life when the other one hasnt found the self motivation yet, they freak the fuck out.

Tldr: keep improving. Her tune should change for the better. She's trying to stop you because she doesnt feel ready to start improving herself. Too fucking bad. Pressures on.

The__Tren__Train · 2016-10-11T23:22:40+00:00

I'd say have abundance mentality, and use dread by getting shredded and tan.

Too bad those things don't work when you're married... That's where you fucked up. Good luck brobro

Dr_Nikk · 2016-10-11T23:32:21+00:00

Kick her over to redpillwomen. I'd let her know that she can get with the program or get moving.

melodyice · 2016-10-12T06:49:14+00:00

My ex fiancé was fearful of change and it haulted the changes I so desperately wanted to make for myself. He would always tell me that if I lost weight, I would leave him for sure. That going back to school would increase my stress, thus making me more crazy (that was his favorite term to use against me) and it would cause us more debt.

So, I've been overweight and unhappy for the last 10 years. I still haven't made any changes in regards to my health since the split but I'm just not mentally focused yet to do such a thing. But I am proud to say I am back in school! I haven't been this happy and free in years.

I guess my point in sharing my life is that it's unhealthy what she is doing. She should be excited that you are making changes to better yourself. She is pushing her own insecurities onto you and thus the relationship is suffering. I desperately wanted my ex fiancé to do something with his life - to have goals and ambitions but he was content on being a nobody...and his insecurities became mine.

Keep changing, keep thriving. If she keeps trying to hault your progress, get real with her and figure out why she can't be happy for you.

Difficult decisions made need to be made in order to secure YOUR happiness.

Title	Wife says I'm changing. Doesn't like it.
Author	that_italia_guy
Upvotes	33
Comments	48
Date	October 11, 2016 9:27 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/570ic3/wife_says_im_changing_doesnt_like_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/wife-says-im-changing-doesnt-like-it.287 https://theredarchive.com/post/287

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