Wife possibly cheated physically but definitely emotionally - what to do now?

MediumLeonopterix · 2019-03-13T00:41:34+00:00

Your marriage is over. She fucked him, and you know she fucked him.

The first thing you should do is see a divorce attorney and figure out your exposure when you do finally get the truth and muster up the balls to kick her out.

I would start by downloading Dr. Fone or Fonelab and recovering every text on that phone:

https://www.fonelab.com

https://drfone.wondershare.com

Fonelab seems to get better results these days.

Make sure you're ready to see what you're about to see, but hopefully the reality of her betrayal gives you the boot you need to strike this woman from your life.

I've seen his FB, even thought about messaging his wife, but dont think I will

While I would blow his ass right up, you should ping your attorney on this one and follow his instructions to the letter.

Herdsengineers · 2019-03-13T04:02:58+00:00

Sorry man, but she definitely slept with him. Stop trying to find proof, and start proceeding as if you already have it - BECAUSE YOU DO. Your wife would not be having that text discussion over "emotional" stuff, or the type of bullshit she's otherwise feeding you. You know this, but you are in denial and are looking/hoping to find out you are wrong and that she didn't screw another guy. It's not happening.

A Reddit post is too short a venue to tell you what to do next beyond a few things:

Don't lie to yourself anymore about what she did. She did it. Accept it.
Don't question her about it anymore. In fact, don't talk to her about it anymore. There is no need to keep on with the "investigation". The only thing maybe left to say to her is that you know she did it, and she can hamster her way innto all kinds of bullshit, but you aren't buying, so she might as well either just admit it and quite wasting breathe and brain power on more lies, or at least shut the fuck up and not verbalize her lies to you anymore because you don't want to hear it. Only say these things if she brings it up again. For you, there is no need for further discussion with her about what she did or did not do.
For the moment, you need to go focus on living your own life. Be separate from her. Ignore her. Go be happy without her. Be BIFF - brief, informative, friendly ,factual in your interactions. Everything is short and sweeet. No dates, don't sleep with her, don't talk to her about your day, etc. No KINO, no fun banter, etc. All interactions should be minimized. She's just earned her place in the doghouse.
At this moment, be "grey rock" - as interesting a grey rock to her. No emotion shown to her. Be Ben Stein in Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Be that dry and boring to her.
Fuck couples counseling. That shit only works when both people are open and honest. She's not doing that, so it's a waste of time and money. Don't go, cancel appointments, don't waste your money. If she asks why you are backing out, the answer (given in as grey rock a manner as you can) is: "You cheated and I don't want to listen to you lie to me and a counselor for an hour."
Contact a lawyer. Don't tell her. Secure your finances, go through and take action - take your portion of the joint account funds out, hell take it all and close the account. Put her portion in an escrow account, or give her a cashiers check. Close all joint credit cards, pay off balances. Pay off any and all joint debts with joint funds NOW. Don't let her grab that cash and make off with it, leaving you holding the bag with the debt.
Cut off her access to your income. Keep paying for the house, bills, etc. But no more extra spending/gas/etc. money for her. If she bitches, the response is "I won't do that for a woman that cheated on me and continues to lie about it" No new phones, but don't shut off or take away her existing phone if your name is attached to it. Cutting that off is seen as controlling and will get you in trouble if she takes it to the authorities.
Pay attention to the depths of dishonesty and manipulation she will go to before (if) she breaks down and confesses.
I don't know that I recommend filing for divorce immediately, but have a plan in case you need to move quick. Lawyer consult with an attorney that won't just rollover for her golden uterus is needed.
I can't stress this enough - no anger expressed at her. No raised voice. Nothing. Give her no ammunition to claim feeling threatened, or anythign else. In fact, get yourself a recorder and get any outbursts from her recorded.

Soak up all of this, take a few weeks, process this, get it through your head what she did, and let it settle. Don't make hasty decisions. Make sound decisions after it has sunk in. Don't show her any distress, or being upset. Show her rock solid frame and mastery of yourself. Don't invite the opportunity for her to lie anymore, so don't question her anymore. Just proceed as if she already said "i fucked another guy".

And don't internalize it as about you, or lack of sex, etc. That's all bullshit. She made a vow and broke it. That's all cheating is about, her shitty decision and now how you will choose to deal with it. You got no choice in her decision to cheat, she did it despite the support and value you bring to her life, now she gets no choice or say in what you do and the steps you take that cut her off. Don't tell her about the steps above, just do them. At each step, when she cries or whatever, remember she had no mercy for you when she screwed another guy, it's simply she's crying about the consequences she doesn't want to endure. Don't fall for it.

Enforce the consequences, make it plain that part of the big problem is continued lyiing and refusal to come clean, and this version of you that is being revealed to her is here to stay as long as she doesn't come clean, and maybe even if she does come clean.

AnonBro34333 · 2019-03-13T01:26:14+00:00

Bro she one hundred percent slept with him. This is why red pill users generally favor not getting married... you have no choice but to go through life MISERABLY if you stay with this chick. It’ll never be the same and you know it. Or you can get a divorce and expect half of everything you own to go to her.

I say you sleep with a bunch of chicks in the mean time. I’d ATTEMPT to get her to sign papers saying she will refuse alimony. You say she’s close to her family... fuck it... black mail her

HurricaneHugues · 2019-03-13T01:55:52+00:00

She definitely fucked him. Don't trust these hoes man. You married her for her looks and she married you for your money. Terrible recipe. You need to speak to a divorce attorney right now, show him the evidence you got, and let him explain to you howbto proceed. There is no salvaging any of this. There is no "talking to the wife". Act normal until you can serve the divorce papers. Ask your attorney what can you do to minimize the damage to your assets.

Do not waste your time on this chick. She is garbage. Divorce her last week.

retailfreedom · 2019-03-13T00:57:06+00:00

When will people realize that the second you believe that your wife/gf is cheating, it’s over.

You already already lost trust for them. Your gut is trying to tell your something.

kmf01 · 2019-03-13T08:39:14+00:00

Just checking in as a Polish guy to tell you that translation is pretty much good, the important meaning is preserved. Hmu If you need sth more to be translated

CaptainKidd96 · 2019-03-13T07:07:27+00:00

She fucked him. Go to a divorce attorney before doing anything stupid.

I don't understand why you would marry someone when you have no plans on having children? It's the dumbest thing ever.

You said that you agreed to not have children because she didnt want to ruin her body and travel. These are 2 big red flags. First you sound like you may have wanted children but agreee not to have them because she didnt want any, and second, why do you think that she didn't wanna ruin her body so she could travel and do other stuff? The answer is pretty obvious, don't you think?

LondonChad1999 · 2019-03-13T10:51:46+00:00

Dog I'm 19, this shit is eye opening.

You don't even have kids together tho, why would u marry her.

Never getting married.

aDrunkenWhaler · 2019-03-13T01:54:39+00:00

She fucked him and your relationship is over. Don't ask her for more information or confront her, don't go snooping out for confirmation. It's 100% evident. If you have the slightest doubt, you're an idiot Talk to a lawyer, manage your assets, do what you need to do.

thrownawayisland · 2019-03-13T00:18:00+00:00

It sounds like she fucked him. I’ve seen this shit a bunch and my buddy who is going through a divorce saw a text from the guy saying “I can still smell you on the blankets.” This guy believes she literally just watched a movie on her bed.

Sounds like this Danielle chick knows something. Wonder if you might be able to find her details and contact her about what she knows.

creamymoe · 2019-03-13T05:16:18+00:00

She fucked him. Sorry bro. You’re too close to see this clearly.... but everyone who’s not you, can see it...

Cut your losses and move on.

It doesn’t get any better from here on out.

MrAgamemnon · 2019-03-13T07:15:36+00:00

She felt really wanted/appreciated and thats something she says I dont do anymore

Ah, first line of defence. IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!

Jampak_5000 · 2019-03-13T07:46:14+00:00

Your relationship is over. Your life is going to change significantly in the next few years as you get divorce raped by someone who you will no longer recognize. Financially you're about to get fucked hard in the arse. This post should serve as yet another reminder with regards to the hazards of marriage.

This guy has been nothing but supportive to an apparently loyal woman. His repayment is she has cheated the MOMENT she interacted with guys she sees as superior. Now he's going to get divorce raped, and have to reduce his standard of living because a woman decided to open her legs for someone else.

Its the same old story, repeated, again and again.

LordMarkStark · 2019-03-13T05:15:36+00:00

Bro. You wrote that all out some just to show proof, good effort but it's clear. She fucked him and that's the perceived truth even if it's only ever 99%, except here it's clear. And It's over. No ifs, no buts, this moment. Over... It ended that day she did that. Leave this relationship immediately but hopefully not the house. Why? Because this girl is leaving the house, hopefully maybe don't put her on the street. Do not tolerate that. Tell her it might be best if she left. She's pissed at the house work and off fucking Chad, that's your lot and cheater guy does not have that. Hope to hell you never see him as you would probably try to beat his ass.

Dump her good well and proper.

The I don't know crap, she knows. She fucked him, and her slutty single friend was probably the inspiration, like a copy cat. She wasn't happy and a new environment, she wanted a fresh start maybe.

You know this. She only made a poor irreparable choice but hey...Don't be mean or too harsh maybe but be firm. You want her out of your life. The marriage will never be the same. This may not be the first time she's done this. A few years is a long time to bear that stuff. Life happens.

She's hot? Stuff that. Get another hotty. You may even wind up fucking her once more on the rebound but you'd just dump her again. She's going to have to cow tow to you heaps.

But I want to be clear, that aside and forget about that just now in this complex time it must be. She cheated, she lied, she disrespected you. She's nothing to you now.

The moment you read this find a time to sit her down in person and dump her ass brutally but nice enough, not crazy, just cold. Don't dwell on it or tell her your story. Just dump her. And get her to leave the house. Cut her off. Stop pretending or acting like you have a relationship and don't be soppy. Fuckin don't cry either. If she cry's maybe smirk. Seriously and shake your head. I'm serious, these little things make you seem like Sean Connery or something and will place you in a better light than telling your story, getting even or anything. Man up one final time.

But dump her immediately. Then call a lawyer. Never go back. Unless she comes crawling for sex. Then fuck her for old times sake, but dump her. Assume the imperative. Sorry this happened to you but there is only one answer. There is no other.

The best thing is if she says I'll leave if you want me to. Then download tinder and knock yourself out. Sorry. Do not relent. This is your mission now. After my long term ended I was with a new girl in two weeks. Never look back. In the next few days as I said see a divorce attorney and don't take her back legally if ever. She probably won't want you maybe unless to validate herself which is what she did.

A few cheating girlfriend's in the past demanded I fuck them silly. Great sex but it's great because she's a fucking hoe and it's like the first time. But when you look at her next, and it's even better than make up sex because I'm saying goodbye to her, but the next time you see her you'll hate her guts. Because she just wasted your time, and you could have been with someone else. ...

Oh yeah... In the next few days apart from the above you'll have a lot on your plate, see at least a solicitor but you have no kids it's open and shut by all accounts, or a divorce attorney, and get that process started. Show this slut you mean business. Accept no counter offer for reconciliation unless it's just to fuck her for old times sake. It's done. But make sure you follow living arrangement advice. In most countries you get claims on the house/don't have to sell until not living there for 6 months if she wants to free up money for her new hoe single life. Don't worry about that there's better things ahead of you. Focus. There were some great times but going forward with her is not an option, there's no trust and no hope she won't do this again given half a chance. Your power is extinguished in a relationship sense, such is why I told you to do some of those things like end it swiftly and laugh at remorse basically, if she tries to brow beat you for that stick to your guns. Let her mull shit over. You take action.

Final word: counseling? Are you fucking serious! No way! You want to live like that? You probably accepted that offer when you weren't thinking straight and wanted answers.

This is your counseling: bitch.... Leave.... (You'll likely fuck her at least one more time, big deal). How hard is it to understand though she's not good to be married to anymore. You probably do. But the step by step above is better than what you're doing... Nothing can be solved in the relationship via counselling in the next few days/weeks. End it. You'll be sitting down in front of some fem tard who barely studied and doesn't appreciate things, probably who will tell you to clean the house more. Meanwhile she's thinking about Chad's cock. Start manning up and you may fuck her once more in a wild drunken sex night when she pines for you again.

Source: I'm brutal and hot. I'd never cheat now I'm grown up I'd like to think and expect the same. But non relationship pretend/drunk makeup sex is ok once. Be careful she doesn't try to move back in.. but the way you wrote it, right now you're probably disgusted and so am I. But she wasn't mentally in the relationship. It's ok in a way too, be as good as you can but firm with her. Don't melt, it's ok to have a slight and limited temper, don't act as if you don't care. Be in control and get started legally. Don't be rash.

So by the above way she's paying a price and if somehow that 1% reasonable doubt she didn't cheat lol she did the bitch, no one leaves pussy on the table... You can gain hand to negotiate this bitches "relationship" exit. It's over, now everyone can start having the sex they want again, you with her maybe, her with others, you with others. Don't live like an idiot, I'm cheering for you too

huggyblossom · 2019-03-13T15:07:44+00:00

I kept my cool till a few hours later, but when I busted her out she cried, swore up and down nothing sexual happened, but admitted to really liking the guy cause he was really nice to her, complimented her a ton (dude has game). She felt really wanted/appreciated and thats something she says I dont do anymore (probably true, but this goes both ways - hence sparks being gone)

|___>>>> That is why you have all those problems in the first place. LTR and Marriage is RP on steroids.

I am not going to post long, you can google yourself enough rant stories that women DO NOT want cash, shit, providing bullshit, when you make her happy and well fucked over the years. My own parents are the bulletproof fact for this as they are together for 30+ years and both of them don't make lot of cash.

The difference between 50 mph / 150 mph car, A condo / 3 stores building, 2ct ring won't buy you happiness in the long run. The moment you started being the provider and not the MAN/LEADER/ALPHA is the moment that she started to fade away little, so it's you to blame as well - marriage for RP aware guys shouldn't be so hard, but yet we always have this type of threads now and then.

AnyDoughnut · 2019-03-13T09:19:21+00:00

My opinion is she most definitely cheated. You have two choices...

Be a cuck and stay in a relationship that you know she cheated, never have any trust for her, be paranoid everytime she is away from you, and continue your life in a relationship that is broken.
Retain your dignity, stop denying what you know is true, and see a divorce lawyer.

Also, seeing a counselor is pointless. The counselor will likely be a woman who will try to convince you to work things out and have you accept your wife's lie or infidelity. Certain things, like your wife cheating on you, can't be fixed.

Plus if she gets a pass on this she will just do it again in the future. Only next time she'll know to hide it better.

Kommanderdude · 2019-03-13T13:40:45+00:00

Divorce now. You failed to properly run dread game to maintain this ltr/marriage. She should have spent her time away stressing about all the bitches trying to take their shot with you while she was away. She should be the one phone snooping.

Why isn’t she contributing to bills and only spending her income on herself?

I hate to break it to you but you have become the ultimate beta male provider.

wiffofass · 2019-03-13T12:17:18+00:00

Juicy details? and you think they didn't fuck? Bro his juices were in her, on her etc. The thing is she has most likely done it before as well statistically speaking. They aways have. Women are INCREDIBLE at lying.

BusterVadge · 2019-03-13T13:35:13+00:00

It's over. Also you're going to be better off posting this in the askmrp subreddit. Lots of dudes over there that have gone through the same thing.

1tysonfury · 2019-03-13T15:22:54+00:00

I am from Poland, so I can help you with translation, but this translation is pretty good. You can read that she is waiting for his new messages and she hopes that you will not notice them. This is cheat even if she did not banged him, but apparently she did. Women act like that while bussines trip.

thrownawayisland · 2019-03-13T16:01:47+00:00

Thanks a lot for the update. Dude it sounds like you are doing all the right things and I feel for you man. As a guy, this shit is crushing, but there is a whole community here who supports you. Might be worth doing the update as a separate thread to get more visibility/more helpful comments.

Best of luck and keep us updated man.

hmsthinkingmeat · 2019-03-14T10:09:46+00:00

I have also been through marriage counseling before we broke up, I felt it was a waste of time but actually in hindsight it was a real eye opener.

How I imagine your sessions will play out are like this:

She'll be all teary and play the part of being an unhappy victim - because she looooooves you soooooo much, but you don't trust her, you're so insecure and that makes her really sad and hurts her soooo much (you see, it's already your fault).

She will use DARVO (look it up) to make out that whatever has happened or whatever she's unhappy about is all your fault. She will always be the poor innocent victim.

She won't admit to cheating, but she'll use what happened as an example of how you don't trust her, and because of you not "connecting emotionally" (or whatever superficially "deep and meaningful" bullshit phrase she uses) that you effectively made her act that way and almost pushed her into his arms (or bed).

It will play out that you could both be so happy if only you can change your ways [ie just trust her blindly and take her word for everything, no matter how bad what's she's done looks or little sense it makes - then she can do what she wants at will, and if you're getting suspicious about her behaviour she can remind of counseling - when you both worked out it's all your fault for being "insecure"].

She might throw in some token gesture of how she can try more.

Etc.

Basically she will try to act like the tearful damsel in distress to coax out the white knight in you, so you'll put your arm around her and want to make it all better so that you can protect her from the big bad world and you'll both live happily ever after.

Until she does it again - because if you fall for that shit she's got you completely under her spell and control and has turned you into a complete pushover.

So my advice is - use the counseling sessions to observe her behaviour and it will open your eyes to just how manipulate and deceptive she is.

That should make leaving her far easier.

OrbitalGram · 2019-03-13T04:06:26+00:00

I właśnie miałam mu pisać ze jeśli chce się do mnie odezwać ze y to nie było w stylu : tęsknie
( I was just going to write him that if he wants to send me a message it's not like : I miss You! )

Man that's pretty telling... But idk, If it were me I'd want concrete evidence though, however deep down in your gut, you probably know. Do you know your wife's Facebook or can get on it? I assume she always carries her phone so you can't use her phone to text, but on facebook if they are friends, you could get on her account and try talking to him in a slick way to get some more info... Or you said he's married with 2 kids? FUCK, he has enough to lose where if you just scare him a little, he'll reveal what happened. I don't think it's recommended, but if i was desperate to find out what happened, you could try messaging him yourself but lie to him and say your wife already told you everything and see if he slips up. For example, above you mentioned your wife got rid of all the pictures and messages from him - but does he know that? You could say "My wife told me about the night you guys had together and showed me all the messages between you too" If this ever happens again, (Insert non-threatening words here or threaten to tell his wife).

This might worry him enough to slip up and admit "No I swear man, it was 1 time thing". Which means something did happen.

Idk man, sorry i'm just rambling, anyways all that would only work against someone dumb, anyone with any sense would know you'd be fishing for info - but shit please update us.

DadOnDabs · 2019-03-13T05:00:47+00:00

A lot of hampstering there

Zimzazim · 2019-03-13T07:43:33+00:00

when there is doubt, there is no doubt?

Bruchibre · 2019-03-13T10:04:36+00:00

Best case they fooled around without penetration.

Bedtimeshine · 2019-03-13T10:43:25+00:00

Honestly bro. You know damn well what happened. You need to handle this right. Consequences, exposure, and smoking her out is how you handle this. You can go back and forth all you want on if she actually fucked him all you want. But I think neglecting me, plus crossing lines with another man, plus bragging about it to her friend is enough. I would message the guys wife, she deserves to know. The. I would file for D and inform close friends and family why we are divorcing. And I would start focusing on my future /improving myself and moving on. Everything after that is up to her. For starters, Does she do the work and make the changes to earn you back? Does she quit her unprofessional party travel job (never commit to a woman who travels for work)? Does she cut off her friend that encouraged her affair? Does she delete all social media and messaging apps forever? Does she offer transparency and open phone and password policy?

Honestly bro, tell the OMs wife, tell close friends and family, have her served, wish her luck.

[deleted] · 2019-03-13T22:11:37+00:00

Don't make a fool of yourself

Title	Wife possibly cheated physically but definitely emotionally - what to do now?
Author	gulpinsculpin
Upvotes	19
Comments	50
Date	March 13, 2019 12:04 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/b0f5ol/wife_possibly_cheated_physically_but_definitely/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/wife-possibly-cheated-physically-but-definitely.221745 https://theredarchive.com/post/221745

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