Non-exclusivity when exclusivity is culturally assumed.

mikkeldaman · 2020-11-23T15:59:49+00:00

I'll be the first one to admit I don't have any talks. If a woman I'm seeing is in a relationship with another man, I assume it's implied. If a woman is single but kind of checking the market, I assume it's implied. Only if a girl is single and gives strong hints that she's looking for a relationship do I mention that I am currently in the dating process or I have a girlfriend (their tactic, not mine). For the last one I had a few call me a slimeball and leave on me, some came back and others were perfectly fine with it from the start.

Edit: for the last category I had more positive responses when I said I'm in the dating process than when I said I have a girlfriend. Most people are scared at first to overstep other people's boundaries.

newbie_2092 · 2020-11-23T18:31:32+00:00

This is actually hilarious. Been preaching the following for ages to my mates, who seriously thought my home country was heaven when it comes to women:

You have two types of polish/eastern women. Type a) is very traditional, stuck up, wife material because they stay at home, go to church and want a dozen children all named after their fathers and grandfathers.

Type b) are money hungry sluts that just want to get out of that shithole of a country. They go after every man who earns more than a polish fieldworker, play the role you want them to play, but still want to commit to you asap, because they want the money and the ticket out of Poland.

Neither of these qualify as plates, because Type a) won't let you in her pants at all (except if you're a really good actor, that wants to put up with months of meeting her parents, accompanying her to church etc etc ) and type B) tries to nail you down with a blow job, but as soon as she's done that she expects access to your money and your home country and won't do shit before you haven't provided both to her. (And then turns into a raging, lazy, jealous bitch making your life living hell).

Who ever came up with that "eastern european women are a red pills dream is a massive idiot.

150420throwaway · 2020-11-23T19:42:12+00:00

Poland is more traditional, it’s probably the same reason why it is good for your dating life. I’m the opposite of you- Polish guy living in U.K., and personally, the only good thing about this country is the finance aspect, and it’s getting worse.

The average woman here has nothing on an average polish woman. I’ve seen actual feminine (Polish/Eastern European) girls turn into smooth brain chavs over time (not every, but it’s relatively frequent).

Another thing is the weather. Because there’s next to no sun here, an average woman gives less shits about how she looks, so she doesn’t exercise, eats shit, etc.

I’m in despair for find a group of people from my country because the culture is so much different, and I do not want to accustom to it, even though I’m here since the age of 10.

KirthWGersen · 2020-11-23T15:54:09+00:00

Well first off, you are an outsider, not from that culture, so you can be more easily forgiven and given a lot more leeway.

It doesn't matter what she or anyone else thinks. It doesn't matter if you break a few hearts or cause a few girls to cry. They don't cry over the guys they don't desire. Women thrive on emotion, positive and negative.

If you think it is ok to see several people at the same time, make no apologies for it, don't try to hide it and believe it is the best and most natural thing, other people will be more likely to accept your frame.

It needs to come from your demeanour more than your words.

The impression I get is that the problem is not so much the surrounding culture as you feeling some kind of guilt about not giving women what they say they want.

BlondeHornyElf · 2020-11-23T18:20:34+00:00

honestly glad to hear that Poland isn't quite as degenerate as the West.. still has some social standards

ProdigyPizza · 2020-11-23T17:13:38+00:00

No woman has to know about your sex life outside her bussiness with you. It's up to you if you choose to disclose it or not. On the other hand it would be smart to point out you're dating other girls in case you're dealing with women within a smaller circle.

TrpKid2 · 2020-11-23T21:12:24+00:00

You're in a culture that is one of the most sane left in the world and you're doing your part in turning it sour. Why? It's like Californians who escape California and then turn whatever they escaped to into California by voting the same.

And it's not really as you say. You can find plenty of sluts in Poland with whom you can plate all you like.

Maybe I'm moralising but it got under my skin.

Mizmidus · 2020-11-23T18:48:01+00:00

I'm Polish and from Warsaw. Girls here tend to want to have a serious relationship really quick if they catch a guy they like, but it's not like you have to accept it or to feel bad if you're only looking for fun. Personally I was only in a couple of relationships, but had quite a bit of FWBs and ONS.

Just don't be dishonest about your intentions and you're golden.

RSK_94 · 2020-11-23T17:49:56+00:00

[deleted]

a6rp · 2020-11-23T18:44:30+00:00

Any advice how I should apply plate theory here?

As someone who comes from middle/east EU I can say that It's really hard to spin plates here because most of girls want to be exclusive really fast even without talk because it's natural there.

The key there is either to avoid "the talk" and not mention that You are seeing other girls or "put your cards on the table" and let girl decide if she deals with it or not. Option 2 can be applied after first hookup but it may be dangerous for your reputation since You are not from there words will spread about how big of a cunt You are.

cydestiny · 2020-11-24T01:10:57+00:00

to diffuse cultural expectations.

That's what the female imperative is trying to sell you, that a monogamous exclusive relationship is the norm, is something expected culturally, socially and morally.

Truth is, if you get into a relationship with someone and he/she is trying to get something out of it (an exclusive relationship), he/she is never fond of you to begin with, he/she's fond of the value that you are providing.

It is exactly the same thing when we man, at our boy days or even well before we made it, wanted to have a sex with a woman. She will not give you sex unless you become a knight in shining armor or prove yourself worth it in some form, else you are just a friend.

And now, we man are the bad guys, misogynists for wanting to make sure that the value we provide is worth the effort in the same way.

Set the frame right at the start of the relationship, know what you want, be wary of your investment be it time, money and emotion. The moment a woman expects me to act like a boyfriend, is when she loses me. The talk usually don't happen out of the blue, you steered yourself into it because you're the captain of the relationship or worse if you're not.

Bruchibre · 2020-11-24T06:06:46+00:00

I think this "talk" thing is very American/British, I only discovered it after travelling. If I'm seeing a girl and realise she's seeing other guys because we didn't say we were exclusive, I'll pull the plug in no time

wont_tell_i_refuse_ · 2020-11-23T16:40:51+00:00

Sounds like a cultural attitude specific to a certain country. If only Roosh hadn’t gone all religious maybe you could have found someone with experience on his forums. His Bang Poland is outdated and has some filler but may contain insights into Polish women’s psyche.

JEDEMGOVNA · 2020-11-23T17:05:17+00:00

This is not a thing specific for Poland its with all eastern european girls

GreenyGaming · 2020-11-23T21:16:42+00:00

First, after a couple of fucks I said, exclusivity is waaaaay back in my mind.

She flipped out.

After a while I said, I kissed a girl in a bar.

She flipped the fuck out.

She still wants to see me. I still want to see her.

P.S. Read some /u/gaylubeoil, not his political shit.

RSK_94 · 2020-11-23T18:09:33+00:00

How the fuck did those chicks even find out ?

You don't tell a girl you're seeing other girls. If they find out (which doesn't happen unless you're careless), own upto that and say it's just meaningless sex.

Title	Non-exclusivity when exclusivity is culturally assumed.
Author	Chris_in_PL
Upvotes	68
Comments	63
Date	November 23, 2020 2:40 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/jzirlt/nonexclusivity_when_exclusivity_is_culturally/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/non-exclusivity-when-exclusivity-is-culturally.726825 https://theredarchive.com/post/726825

Comments