Leaving red pill behind

ThatOtherGuyTPM · 2026-06-04T11:39:20+00:00

Why are you going to online videos to figure out what went wrong with your relationship? It’s an absolute certainty that they don’t know. You’re, quite literally, asking to be manipulated because it might make you feel better. Stop doing that.

You don’t need to find a way to love women “despite them being selfish and manipulative”. You need to stop seeking out the idiots who tell you these lies as a way to make money off of you. Are there some women who have those traits? Sure, they’re human traits. Are they the norm for women? Of course not.

becomesharp · 2026-06-04T14:39:45+00:00

To a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

If you resent women, everything about women gets twisted into "they're manipulative and evil"

Not saying thats you, but that is the prevailing mentality behind red pill.

Apart-Cookie-8984 · 2026-06-04T14:13:42+00:00

Look, I'm going to give this to you straight...yes, there are A LOT of women that are selfish and manipulative... but there are also a lot of men that are too, and you know that shit is true. But there are about eight billion people on this planet, half of which are female... that's 4 billion...even if, hypothetically, there were 5% of those 4 billion that weren't selfish and manipulative, that number is still hundreds of millions. Hundreds of millions of women that are genuinely sweet, loving, honest, and loyal.

Something else you aren't considering... you are having an emotional reaction because of a horrible relationship. Guess what? Literally EVERYONE goes through that shit. Something else you aren't considering...you very likely were being an overly sensitive pushover without a back bone, you just are too caught up in your feelings to not see otherwise.

Go get some self respect and some standards, there are definitely still good women out there. You consuming red pill content because you're mad isn't going to attract them, all it'll do is make you into a miserable loser.

HelicopterOk2210 · 2026-06-04T15:37:31+00:00

my ex boyfriend was selfish and manipulative. by your logic, you are too, since you’re also a man. does that make sense to you?

LolliaSabina · 2026-06-04T16:28:44+00:00

You know how people who believe in astrology will read a description of their sign and only pay attention to the things that fit them, then ignore the things that don't? My mom would always tell me, "Oh, you like/do/think X because you're a Leo" ... And if I pointed that out that a good half of the descriptions of a Leo don't apply to me, she'd say, "Well, that's because your moon is in Gemini" or "that's because you have Mercury in Virgo."

Red pill content is JUST like that. When a video says that all women are selfish and manipulative, you automatically think of women you know who ARE. I bet you also know men who are selfish and manipulative ... but the videos aren't pointing THEM out. And I bet you know women who are kind, generous, loving, and loyal, too. Moms, sisters, grandmas, colleagues, teachers, friends.

But the red pill says that when a woman behaves badly, "that's just how all women are. When she doesn't, "she's the exception" or "a unicorn," "she's just pretending," or "they don't make women like that anymore." The red pill accepts every negative assumption about women and dismisses every positive one.

And it's impossible for a woman to ever be truly "good" in red-pill ideology, because she has to fit a very contradictory set of criteria. She has to be hot but unaware of it (and god forbid she spends time and money on her hair or makeup) ... fit but never go to the gym, because women who do are just looking for attention ... enthusiastic about sex but either a virgin or very inexperienced ... submissive but not needy ... traditional but not financially dependent ... and loyal and loving but OK with a man who assumes she's always looking to "trade up." It's a test that is literally impossible for a woman to pass.

If, by some chance, a woman DOES pass muster, then there's still reason she "doesn't count." If she's a virgin, she's probably lying. If she's happily married, "She's going to take everything he owns when someone better comes along." If she's young and fit, "Wait till she pops out a couple of kids and gets fat." If she cooks and cleans and takes care of the house and kids, "That's the bare minimum.

If it's at all possible, I would highly recommend that you talk to a therapist to help with your attitudes and learn how to work through them and to see women as PEOPLE, who can be either good or bad (or some of both) and not a monolith.

Jthemovienerd · 2026-06-04T14:35:17+00:00

Biggest thing to remember is she is one singular woman. She does not represent all women. She was a user, and exploited you. You just didn't catch the signals until it was too late. That's what you have to work on. Looking to see if you are being used. One of the biggest issues guys have is they attribute what happened in their breakup to all women afterwards. Don't do that.

Instigated- · 2026-06-04T17:37:13+00:00

I don’t think you are being honest with yourself about your relationship. I think redpill told you a lie that on some level you wanted to believe. To move forward, I think you need to dig into the truth, based on facts and evidence.

I was dumped after a 3 years relationship. In my heartbreak, I was watching dating videos and trying to understand what went wrong

It is normal to feel upset when someone breaks up with you and to reflect on it. It’s just a shame you watched redpill videos instead of talking to a therapist or friend, or asking your ex their perspective on what went wrong.

I feel the biggest reason was that I was too much of a nice guy and she lost respect for me.

Women do not break up 3 year relationships because a man is “too nice”, nor do they lose respect for men for being nice.

A lot of relationships just don’t work out in the long term, and it’s no one’s fault.

In the end I wasn't receiving any love from her but she just used me to do favours etc. I've come to accept that women are selfish and manipulative.

This doesn’t sound entirely true, it sounds more like what you’ve come to think after redpill.

You know why I think that? Because if it were true, you would have been the one to end it yourself, or not have been so puzzled when it ended because you would have known it was a bad relationship.

It sounds like you were actually fairly satisfied with the relationship when you were in it, and heartbroken when it ended.

If you really were not happy in the relationship because she was so terrible, then why would you feel bitter about it breaking up?

No doubt “at the end” she would have been pulling away either due to unhappiness or as she tried to work out how to break up with you. That would be natural. There would have been signs as the relationship broke down. That isn’t selfish or manipulative, that is human, and just part of the process.

I heard a relationship therapist say that quite often by the time a couple come to therapy, the woman has already made up her mind and primarily wants help letting their partner down gently. In these situations, the men are often surprised because they thought things were fine. However the woman has often been trying to improve the relationship for a long time, has raised concerns to their husband, but he didn’t listen or take it seriously or feel negatively impacted by the issues - and now she has given up because it is obvious nothing is going to change.

I don’t know anything about you, your ex or your relationship, however if you want to understand what happened you need to dig deeper and consider what complaints, concerns or aspirations she raised with you during the relationship, or talk to her to ask her why she broke up with you.

Also dig into how you felt while in the relationship. Were you living your best life, or had you checkout out? Did you want different things to her?

My partner was in a serious long term relationship prior to meeting me. She hinted about marriage and starting a family, but he wasn’t ready for that. A career opportunity came up for her involving relocating overseas for a year or two, and she took it. By the time she returned, he was dating me. She met someone new, got married and had a kid. Their timing was just out, wanting different things at different times.

Before, I didn't even have a strong sense of genders, people were individuals to me. But nowadays I see through the lens that "all women are like X" .

Why? What is your mother, sister, female friends and colleagues like? Saying all women are the same…

… by the same token, I guess all men are rapists then? Would that be fair or true for us to say?

jumpingdiscs · 2026-06-05T14:34:56+00:00

Do you have any women in your life that you have a good non-romantic/non-sexual relationship with, e.g. relative, friend, co-worker etc? If so, think about them and how they're just normal human individuals and not some crazy stereotype.

Also, all that red-pill content is just that: content. Not academic research based on any scientific reality. Content that's made to appeal to the worst in people, for views and engagement.

Think of all the good and happy memories that women are generally the ones responsible for - pretty much any fun community/family events are generally done by women. Birthdays and parties and presents and cake. Christmas and Santa and the tooth fairy. Vacations and day trips are planned by women in most families. Kindergarten and early education and fun school trips, dominated by women who are just there to make kids happy and give them the best start in life. Without women life would be so grey and lacking in magic. We love to make people happy.

Kaicaly · 2026-06-04T17:09:11+00:00

There are bad people in this world (both men and women are capable of doing wrong, though being capable doesn’t mean they will; that’s where the difference lies in each person’s values and character). I am a woman, and I have also known men who have abused my trust, taking advantage of me with out caring about how their actions were damaging me; one even left me emotionally devastated after constant manipulation, coersion, and psychological abuse (which involved insults and aggression).

Yes, there are bad people out there. But the Red Pill not only creates a caricatured image of people (oversimplifying very complex dynamics), while filling you with fear and rivalry so that you trust no one but them (in this way to make it easier to take advantage of you), but it also causes you insecurities over things that are 100% human (like having a complex range of emotions, being able to accept your different facets, and yes, even your human limitations and vulnerable moments, because you’re a human, not a robot), being compassionate toward yourself and others, and enjoying life in its full spectrum without having to constantly put on a facade or prove yourself)... but it also tries to sell you forms of abuse and manipulation as “good.” It makes you believe that in relationships “you must be the one in control” and you know… that only leads to conflict, a feeling that you’ll never be enough, an inability to trust the person you’re supposed to trust the most, and an inability to build real, healthy relationships, where you can truly love and be loved.

From these bad experiences, you can either learn to be a jerk who looks for the worst in others, or you can learn to be a better person... and that means continuing to hold onto your values, continuing to respect others, building healthy relationships, and creating genuine, functional dynamics. And here’s a bonus: you can still be someone who is loving, emotionally responsible, loyal, and trustworthy, someone who can love and be loved, while also having the discernment to keep at bay and keep limits with those who come with the intention of taking advantage of you or are causing you constant distress (not because of their gender, but because of who they are as people, because of how they behave specifically).

If you’d like, you can stop by this forum to read the experiences of the women here, mainly with partners and ex-partners who took the red pill, about how their relationships turned into chaos, how they felt so bad, and how they suffered at the hands of the person who was supposed to be their lover.... Seriously, would you be willing, in a relationship, to cause all that pain not just to a woman, but to the woman you claim to love the most and for whom you’re in a relationship??

I’ve had some truly terrible experiences with men (as I mentioned, one even left me in a terrible psychological state due to his constant abuse), just as I’ve had some very good experience with other men (one of them was the greatest love of my life in a relationship that lasted for years, and whom, sadly, an illness took away from me, someone who used to earn way less money than I did, and that never mattered to me, because as a person he was so loving, sweet, and attentive that I couldn’t help but fall in love with him, and even today, more than a year after that event, I still love him and remember him with all my heart). And in this regard, I’ll add that you “don’t lose respect” for a man just because he’s loving, attentive, or caring (at most, if there was already affection and attraction beforehand, it will intensifies it even more). Most likely, either she didn’t care for you from the start, or the relationship was falling apart for way other reasons that neither of you saw coming. From personal experience, what causes a relationship to break down isn’t love and affection, but the conflicts and resentments generated within the relationship itself.

Being a "nice guy" (though I'm not a fan of that term) isn't a problem... unless, for example, you go so far as to become overbearing and suffocating within the relationship itself (and in this case, cause the other person distress—not because you're affectionate, but because you make it impossible for them to have their own balanced and healthy life). I’m sure you’d also get tired with someone (whether a man or a woman) following you around 24/7 without giving you almost any space to breathe and rest)... In this case, the solution isn’t “to be an alpha male, cold and self-centered, who doesn’t trust women” but rather to learn to relate in a healthier, more balanced way, where there are moments of love and care for your partner, as well as space for each of you to maintain your independence and personal life balance.

Now, I don't mean that this is what specifically happened, since I wasn't present when everything ocurred, so i't imposible for me to know what could have really happened in your case.

Now, a good person, someone with values who is also mature and stable, seeks to prioritize healthy relationships with others (which means being someone who respects and treats others with care and kindness, but also keepi close those who do the same for them and others… while keeping at a distance those who cause problems and harm). If you want to have healthy relationships, you won’t achieve that by viewing women as your enemies, repeatedly treating them in a demeaning way, constantly expecting the worst from them, or believing that you “must be the one to assert yourself and dominate them, or they will do that to you” as if relationships were power dinamics. With that mindset, you’ll only make women who do respect others, treat them well, and seek real, healthy relationships with others feel repelled by you.

Now I can say, Internet is a messy place, don't feel bad to step out of it, and start prioritizing real human experiences, rather than constant conflicts and fights over stories you don't know about (since you weren't there to begin with) over people you don't know about either (since you can't be there to se how they actually behave in their day to day basis, apart of what they try to apparent to be on screen). Go out side, limit Internet, start interacting with real people in real human scenarios (and not just characters from biases stories that are there to feed on a narrative) there you can see how variable and complex humans can really be (from all genders). I have done this, and still do it from time to time, disconnect myself from Internet, forum and social media, specially when I feel i'm starting to lose touch of reality.

Coollogin · 2026-06-05T14:06:56+00:00

I was dumped after a 3 years relationship. I feel the biggest reason was that I was too much of a nice guy and she lost respect for me. In the end I wasn't receiving any love from her but she just used me to do favours etc. […] I've come to accept that women are selfish and manipulative, and I'm trying to find a way to like/love them despite that.

That is quite a deductive leap, based on an N of 1!

What about all the women who get dumped by men? What about the women in relationships where the woman works and makes money, and the many doesn’t work or even do housework? Plenty of men just use women to do favors. And, finally, what about all the healthy and mutually satisfying relationships where the woman and man treat each other as genuine partners?
Most relationships end. The vast majority of human adults go through several relationships that fail for whatever reason before they end up with the person they spend the rest of their life with. If that weren’t the case, everyone would be married to their first boyfriend/girlfriend. And honestly, that would suck.

Every relationship teaches you important things about being in relationships so that you’re prepared for the eventual relay that will be your last. From your relationship, you were supposed to learn to look for a partner who gives as much as she takes. But for some reason, you instead learned that all woman are takers. And I repeat, this was based on an N of 1.

Come on, man. You can’t be that foolish. Be more logical. Look at truly successful, mutually satisfying relationships and get an idea of what makes them tick. For example, in my 20+ year happy marriage: we make each other laugh, we share household and financial burdens, we are respectful of each other, we learn from each other, we are both fairly even-keeled.

Flourescendrama · 2026-06-04T11:58:11+00:00

Se cómo te sientes, antes de la red pill mi visión sobre las relaciones no era la misma que cuando salí de la red pill. Ya tenía pocas esperanzas en el amor y la red pill me las arrebato, pero al mismo tiempo también me hizo apreciar más el amor. Entendí que el verdadero amor no se basa en cuánto dinero tienes o como de guapo/a eres, sino en como eres por dentro. Ahora mismo parece una fantasía, pero creeme que no lo es. Yo también veía a las mujeres con desconfianza cuando salí de la red pill, pero eso fue cambiando con el tiempo al empezar a sanar, y todo esto sin haber tenido nunca una novia. Esa mujer que te utilizo solo era una persona toxica e inmadura, pero no por eso todas las mujeres son así. Lo que hizo la red pill es aprovechar ese momento de vulnerabilidad para meterte en una carcel en la que los barrotes son: "Todas las mujeres quieren al alfa", "todas son hipergamicas", "ninguna te querrá por como eres". Te suenan esas frases?, sientes el dolor?, porque yo si lo he sentido, y creeme que no es verdad. No permitas que esa filosofía te corte las alas, se tu mismo aunque no tengas novia. Es mejor eso, que traicionarte a ti mismo.

GGSPSkywalker · 2026-06-05T02:57:35+00:00

Well, go for the red pill, the real one. Watch the Matrix trilogy and later read Jean Baudrillard's Simulacra and Simulation (just the first chapter, it is already difficult enough on its own).

Basically, they talk about the real world, the world of appearances (Plato's Cave ends here) and a third more contemporary dimension called hyperreal, which are preconceived ideas with no origin or referential that kill and substitute the real world (like beauty standards not based on real human features, which in turn lead to crazy plastic surgeries and treatments). The hyperreal acts as matrices, giving sterile fixed answers to everything, erasing individuality and diversity. It is similar to what is being conceptualized right now as post-truth

The red pill movement apllied meme logic to decontextualize the pill thing, but they are exactly what the franchise was criticizing: "women are like this, men are like that, life is this and you gotta behave that way", like if all the complexity of life could be captured by such a poor characterization. The moment you realize the world is not so simple and people are not black and white, you're gonna see how crappy red pill line of thought is.

Other thing that may help is trying to develop deep friendships, to bond with people around you, avoiding isolation, which the red pill and other masculinist movements prey on.

AssistTemporary8422 · 2026-06-04T18:40:42+00:00

I want to get out of this, but I don't see how, because a lot of the things feel true to me (unfortunately).

What red pill claims do you think have some merit?

I've come to accept that women are selfish and manipulative

You are basically living in a bubble. You had bad experiences and click on content from people with bad experiences. And people with bad experiences tend to be the most vocal. So now the algorithm is feeding you just that content convincing you this is true for everyone when its not. And because of your ex you have an emotional bias toward this content as well. You should be getting your information about women from real life experience not just one ex and red pill influencers.

and I'm trying to find a way to like/love them despite that.
Yes, I was being an overly sensitive pushover without a back bone

You should know more than anyone that a toxic relationship is just not worth it and its better to be single. This idea that you should like them anyway is a sign of your pushover tendencies. Your ex was toxic and you stayed far too long when you should have left. You are actually attracting toxic women and these red pillers are as well and you are all convincing yourselves women are all like this. Normal women aren't as attracted to you because you are a pushover and thats unattractive to them.

Its important to take personal responsibility for your mistakes and flaws and aim to fix them rather than sitting around and blaming a whole gender. Have some standards for your relationship and only date good people. If someone mistreats you, you need to set boundaries with them.

Ambitious-Sleep2607 · 2026-06-06T07:06:59+00:00

You’re being targeted by propaganda botfarms.

Quit social media, start reading books and attend hobbies with normal people.

TajinTweaker · 2026-06-06T15:55:20+00:00

Most women aren’t like that at all. Try a library. Lots of gems there :)

MegaBlueberry1577 · 2026-06-07T05:37:50+00:00

If you're a gamer, hit up the healthygamergg channel. Great youtube channel that helps men like you. Don't even need to be a gamer though, its helpful advice to anyone. A much healthier outlet than red pill.

nkadifa · 2026-06-07T10:29:46+00:00

The west isn't gynocentric

SurpriseProper1979 · 2026-06-07T20:34:39+00:00

"But more and more red pill videos started to come upon my youtube suggestions" and this is how sexism against women continues. The system has reasons for wanting women to be treated inferior to men, same as black and brown people treated like lesser than white.

It helps divide people. Women and minorities are bound to notice this happens and conflict arises. It's strategic. Mainstream media and that includes Youtube algorithms are helping the ruling class "divide and conquer." Don't be part of that : ).

DearElise · 2026-06-08T00:31:00+00:00

The incredible thing about the human memory is that it tends to lie to you and be twisted over time. This is proven in psychology. Really, you want us to believe you stayed in a relationship for 3 years when it was that bad? Surely you guys had good moments too and now your brain is twisting your experiences to catastrophize it so you would feel better about being dumped.

The hammer to the nail comment is accurate because if you think you acted like a pushover, you’re going to flip through your memories looking for things you did that fit that theory and beating yourself up. In healthy relationships both people act like what kids these days call “simps”. To some extent you feeling like a pushover is true but RP suggests you can control what the other person does, as you’re suggesting here, based on how you act. You can’t. That’s manipulation. You can only set firm boundaries with yourself, get to know yourself well, and be prepared to walk away. In long term relationships, some hard boundaries also ease as couples learn that they need to compromise with one another.

Having gone down this RP trap after a bad breakup years ago, I can relate to what you are saying but also recognize that that was a bad period for me when I was looking for ways to cope with emotions I couldn’t deal with. If you’re looking for narcisisists and manipulators everywhere you will find narcissists and manipulators everywhere. Best thing you can do right now is focus on yourself, friends, healing, stay away from gender content until you feel like you have the capacity to open your heart again.

Moldy_Gecko · 2026-06-05T03:21:07+00:00

I'm exredpill (more purple). And actually was RedPill, unlike most members of this sub who have always been Blue Pilled. For me, the only way out was through. Only by sleeping with a lot of women and building confidence did I find my way out. There was no person that could have changed my mind that my anecdotes, which aligned with what RP taught (they teach almost exclusively shit now), were wrong.

That being said, it seems like you're surface level atm. So, what I would recommend is some books. They used to be required RP reading, but I'm sure they've taken them down. 2 in particular really helped change my life around.

No More Mr Nice Guy.
This book breaks down what makes you act like a "Nice Guy" and why it's bullshit. Essentially it shows you that you're not as nice as you think you are. You're a people pleaser. You do what you THINK they want in hopes for reciprocation (emotional/ physical/ financial/ etc.)
When I Say No, I Feel Guilty. This was the big one for me. It's hard to say no (especially for Nice guys). This book is the confidence builder. It helps you think for you. If you don't want to do something, say no. People will respect you more for having your own life and opinions.

Title	Leaving red pill behind
Author	O-shoe
Upvotes	11
Comments	33
Date	June 4, 2026 11:16 AM UTC (1 month ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1twkm2d/leaving_red_pill_behind/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/leaving-red-pill-behind.1582049 https://theredarchive.com/post/1582049

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