Using dread on me. Help.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-01-22T19:58:38+00:00

Chicks don't do Dread Game on their husbands. They branch swing. Be warned. Dread is a subtle thing designed to churn up your wife's juices with a bit of competition anxiety. Let me just guess that you are not secretly turned on by your wife's behavior.

If this is "Dread" it is near nuclear level Dread and way beyond what anybody here endorses (except as an alternative to divorce). This is way beyond the flirting with other girls in public or telling your wife various tales of your encounters during the day. This is blatant disrespect and clear cheating, whore behavior. This is almost grounds for divorce by itself and it is clear grounds if it continues.

TLDR: Lay down the law now or suffer the torments of the damned later.

Now where could all of our Blue Pill Trolls be whining about the wife's emotional abuse.

Silence.

Shocking.

Not.

ivebeencaught · 2015-01-22T22:34:14+00:00

As a general rule of thumb a girl will freely admit to actions taken that were several levels below what actually happened.

What she says: He was flirting with my friend and I observed the whole thing. What really happened: He was coming on to me really heavily and I was actively flirting back. (Twirling my hair, laughing, physical contact)

She said: He ate an appetizer with us. What happened: He picked up on them as soon as they came in the bar. Sat with them for most, if not the whole meal, bought them drinks... (why else would he feel obligated to pay for their meal. You don't do that for a couple of people you talked with for a couple on minutes and was ultimately rejected.)

I understand the desire for more information. You believe your wife is an eight and I am willing to bet you don't view yourself as a 9. This means that you believe your wife is settling for you, married down, she may even see you as her beta provider. *gasp Now you are stuck mate guarding. If you get angry about this you loose. She will see your emotions (anger, defensive, butthurt) as you admitting that you are lower SMV than the guy, thus lowering yours even more. Amused mastery is how you get more information without negative emotion.

"I feel bad for the boy. Having to openly brag about having 'millions', he must be really lacking in the personality department or the ...down there department" Said with a huge grin.
Get her to start judging him. "He's young, good looking, rich and he was flirting with (I want to call your wife's friend Stacy) Stacy? Something is off, why do you think he is broken?"
"He said you are in good shape? What a prick!!! Kids these days, wouldn't know a smokin' hot woman if she slapped him upside the head. You should be insulted!" (Then you take he upstairs and go all caveman on her.) Good shape will of course become an inside joke you bring up to tease her.
Scandal approach "He seemed to be into Stacy. What did they talk about the he needed to pay for BOTH your dinners, drinks and tip the waitress?"
"He tipped the waitress $100, do you think he was using you guys to game her?"
Shocked "I can't believe you would do this to me." Long pause, head down, gripping the sides, mumbling "Not like this..., all these years..., wasted...., how could you?.., shit, shit, shit... (you get the idea)". Then you look up and say "Are you telling me I am a bad tipper?"
"That's adorable, you having your ego boosted by a kid."
"I didn't know you were attracted to boys." Mocking humor

If she believes that you aren't intimidated by having someone flirt with her and her possibly (likely) flirting back she will keep talking (telling more of the truth) to test if you really believe you are better than the other guy. She is seeking validation in her choosing you, remember her best friend just divorced and is looking to upgrade. Women are pack creatures and find validation in copying each other (see: low self esteem). Teasing his attempts to pickup a divorced Stacy (a 5), lowers this guys SMV. If she was attracted to him she will feel the need to defend her attraction to someone she has described as low SMV. She will change her story to him flirting with her more and Stacy less or she will stick with the same story (increased probability of the original being true).

The more you get her to make fun of him/find fault with him and his choices, the less value she will see him. Most likely she will tell you the whole story and then start openly mocking the guy.

Maintaining frame to your wife shows that you view yourself as having a higher SMV than her, you can easily replace her with an upgrade, you will act independent of he choices and if she cheats? So fucking be it! She is the one that will end up empty and alone.

Don't be hurt that you are home taking care of the kids, this is your time to be AWESOME DAD. You guys should be having so much fun without her that she should feel bad that she choose to go with lame Stacy instead of playing with you all. This is your bonding time, give them all the emotional time you possibly can, let your wife be a little jealous that your kids love you so much they attack you when you come in the door. Then you put them down focus 100% on her, kiss her and whisper in her ear how you are going to remind her how she keeps in such "good shape".

Now what are you doing on Reddit? Get lifting, get that haircut, dress better, flirt with your waitress (tip well, hey another long term tease you get on her), get your own orbiters. Use every chance you have to make yourself a better person, stronger, smarter, become the person you would want as a best friend.

nopbeentheredonethat · 2015-01-22T20:02:09+00:00

So one big overall very un-pc take.

There's situations that ltr people should avoid and that's constantly hanging out with your single friends (and only them) in social settings without your s/o.

Let's look at some differences between the sexes.

Guys do the hitting on the majority of the time. Girls are hit upon , the majority of the time.

The ratios are not even close. It'd be hard to quantify, but walk into any club on a Saturday night with a clicker and a camera trained on every boy and I wouldn't be surprised if it's a 90-10 split.

We may get a little ego boost from a girl overtly flirting with us. But that's on the rare side that it happens. Even when we've got our swole on, dressed like a pimp and have the table roaring. The temptations are low, the social pressure high from our other married buds to keep towing the line. We're the decision makers, the alphas, we ultimately are responsible for our behavior... for intiation. Again though, it's on us to not hang out with our lecherous single friends, but still , it's every alpha for himself and I just don't see or feel guys pressuring each other to "go get that validation". That's just counter to married dude dynamics. And we're there to hang out with our friends. We're the providers of entertainment and good times. Not the receivers. We don't need to stray outside our circle for more fun. We're it.

How many groups of girls do you see sitting around , looking bored and bitchy at each other with their eyes focused outwards, waiting for that guaranteed entertainment (if they look open enough to it) to come walking up and introduce themselves?

So let's talk about when the ladies are hanging out.

I have absolutely minimal-to-no worries about my wife going out with her married female friends, relatives (massive social pressure there), without me. They may still get compliments and attention, but damn if married guy peer pressure to tow the line is massive, when it's just married women (esp mothers) , it appears to be off the charts. There is no bigger judgmental group and any hens stepping out to hang with another rooster is getting pecked. Maybe not that night, but will be the talk of the gossip circle the next.

But if she started hanging around divorcees, single "party-stage" girls, then no. That's not appropriate. They're looking for and drawing that 90-10 split of guys hitting on them. When that happens it's not just a light ego boost, it's a craved interaction and measurement of their worth. I'm still desirable, I'm still sexy, I'm still getting attention. Knowing what you do about trp, pua, etc., there are EXPERTS at breaking through this. It's like sending your wife, who's a heroin addict , into a drug den with guys willing to give them heroin in exchange for increasingly escalating interaction. Affirmation and attention is their heroin. If you're in the beta zone it's even worse as you represent their methadone clinician.

This type of partying going on long and frequent enough and just prepare yourself for the "but I was drunk", "he just had me so confused", all the rationalization of taking themselves out of responsibility for their own actions.

So on the time thing. I'm no longer just responsible for myself. My income and lack of incarceration helps keep a roof over our head. Every minute past 12 (weekend or weeknight) puts me another minute into a danger zone of pick-your-poison or another drivers poison. It's just not responsible for me, without reason or forethought to be out that late when it jeopardizes my families future. Same goes for my wife if not more-so if I'm not there. Ie. she's more likely to be a victim of crime and unscrupulous characters which exponentially increases after a certain time in our city. It's just not safe.

So 2?

Out at a club then continuing at an apartment?

On a worknight?

That's not dread. That's stupid.

And from your previous post I hope you took UeMcGill's advice and looked up on the PUA boards how to diffuse AMOG (alpha male of group) in a social setting, but now your wife, who is OK with it as (AWALT) is now in a setting where you can't even do that. First rule is you have to be present.

Nope.

She's married with kids now. Party days with single friends without you is over. Just like you shouldn't be going out with a bunch of 20 year old frat guys who's main aim is to get laid at all costs.

You can be blue in the face sure that nothing happened. But given enough times and enough temptation (for any human) something will eventually.

Now I'm going on a small sample here , but with your other situation my take is you might just be too nice and don't like rocking any boats. I don't mind looking like a dick. I used to, but not really anymore. And it's not that I like it, so much as I just see it as a necessity that other people force. Ex: We were weaving through a crowd at an outdoor show (don't even think my wife registered that this happened) and on the way back some dude semi-drunkenly bumped into her. Put his hand on her shoulder a little too long to apologize and I just removed it, looked him in the eye and said "My wife's good, that's enough." she was already 5 feet past at that point. But again, I [Edit] err on the side of dick. And it's not easy. I aint that big, and I'm getting older regardless of whatever martial arts I take, so it's not just a confidence that I wouldn't get my ass beat. But if I have to get my ass beat it just comes with dating a desirable woman. Still can't let them swoop in without interference or hoping he'll take the high road. There's looking insecure, and there's drawing boundaries. People with incentives will try to muddy that water, but there's a clear division. Guys are incentivized to muscle in, girls to test you, or test the challenger and the silverback to see who's fittest.

Build your castle, defend your castle... hold true to your values and what you constitute as appropriate behavior for your family. I suggest adding a little asshole to your attitude if you've been nice for too long.

nopbeentheredonethat · 2015-01-22T17:10:37+00:00

The girls went back to her friends apartment for about three hours before my wife came home at about 2 am (on a work night!).

Oh shit. I would really like to be optimistic about this with you..... but that would be very dishonest of me.

Marriedwithkidz · 2015-01-22T20:41:30+00:00

From my perspective take it how you want but I am hapilly married and the only times I go out at night is with my husband and we are back much earlier than midnight. I would never go out with single friends at a bar to start with. It's asking for trouble period. I wouldn't flirt and men that have hit on me in the past were told right then that I am married but men can be insistant, not a situation I'd ever put myself into.

fasterpussycatdie · 2015-01-22T19:30:14+00:00

Losing your temper and getting angry at your wife for say...losing the car keys or forgetting to feed the dog or saying something that ticks you off like nagging etc. or something else equally silly is misplaced anger. There are better ways of controlling your emotions and dealing with your frustration.

That being said, there is a difference between feeling dread, and feeling Righteous Anger. There is a difference between flirting; and flirting, getting your dinner paid for and not coming home until 2 AM.

I want to remind her that married women don't sit at a bar with strange men while her husband is home with the kids.

You would be absolutely 100% correct with that statement. So feel free, but I wouldn't "put her on the stand". Keep your head. Say it in a controlled, measured, unhurried, strong eye contact kind of way. If you want, you can ask if there is anything else you need to know. She already recognizes internally that she did you wrong otherwise she would not be trickling truths in.

If when pressed about facts, bowing the head or looking down is a sign of shame and regret. Just FYI.

Hypergamy is a helluva thing.

jons_throwaway · 2015-01-23T13:52:06+00:00

She has openly flirted in the past, according to a previous post. Now she is doing it without you around, staying out late. Dude. Get yourself in order.

nopbeentheredonethat · 2015-01-22T17:51:38+00:00

OP's previous post for reference: http://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2lerma/trouble_at_a_party/

I really want to grill my wife about more details. I want to remind her that married women don't sit at a bar with strange men while her husband is home with the kids. I want to yell at her and tell her to pay her own damn bill.

Don't do this. That is losing frame and you have all the details you need.

Did she fuck the dude? There's no way to know, but she's certainly trying to make it seem that way. There's nothing that can be done with that at the moment, you have bigger fish to fry.

Do you go out? Do you have fun? Do you actually lead in your household or do you sit back and let her do the work (i.e. run the ship)? If she's doing all of the cooking and cleaning, what are you doing? If you're not putting in more effort in some way (fixing the cars/plumbing/woodwork, earning more money) then it's her ship, not yours, and you're taking the position of a pet.

And if you're confident and you feel good, you're in control and really leading your house, you have hobbies and activities and really are high SMV, then I hate to say it but are you prepared for divorce?

EDIT: After reading nopbeentheredonethat comments I agree that it is really a boundary-setting issue that might require some anger display, but how does OP set and enforce those boundaries without losing frame or coming off as insecure?

jons_throwaway · 2015-01-23T13:43:15+00:00

What did they at her apartment until 2 am. Its not cool. Dont seem right.

NotABibleScholar · 2015-01-22T22:17:28+00:00

I agree with the general advice "this is not appropriate". You may want to seem cool or uncontroling, but ltr with kids = no partying with singles. Heck, even without kids. Sleep overs, etc..are a thing of the past. I would not trust any single friend, or heck some married ones.

Give you an example, there is a guy. His wife chased him for years before they married. She could never think of another man, he's the only one yada yada. A friend of this guy gets dropped by his wife, and ends of at the first guys house on his couch for a fews weeks. The first guy is sleeping one night, and the second guy is drinking his sorrows. First guys wife starts drinking, gets wasted and starts making advances at the second guy, all the while saying this can't happen cause their friends. The second guy blows it off, the wife passes out. Next day, like nothing ever happened. You can probably find lots of crap like that around the internet, much of it true.

exbp · 2015-01-22T18:07:11+00:00

I don't think anything happened because there'd be a much better cover story for the night's activities...one that got no where near a single guy.

I would not interrogate but I would let her know that your wife does not flirt with other men, allow them to engage in public, and does not let them pay for things. It's as simple as respecting your marriage. Make sure it's calm and nothing is brought up that she can argue with.

Then lose those last few pounds, get the haircut and some sharper clothes. Get out with your buddies and have some fun.

KyfhoMyoba · 2015-01-25T05:32:37+00:00

They go out only once every 3-6 months

That's how it starts. From another comment I made earlier today:

"Girls Night Out" is code for "I'm going to get dressed up, show lots of skin, get a bunch of other single or single acting girlfriends, go to a place where there will be lots of alcohol, and lots of single, horny guys (that aren't you) that want to fuck me that I can dance with/grind on with plausible deniability, and this way I'll know how valuable I am in the sexual marketplace so that I'll know if I should dump your sorry ass or just fuck a hawt guy in the men's room."

NeedHelpBeta · 2015-01-22T17:43:55+00:00

That's a difficult one. You don't want to come across as insecure.

However I don't think anything happened other then flirting. Unless your wife has a history of it.

pupplenupple · 2015-01-22T19:36:54+00:00

I think you're just going to have to suck it up and hold frame.

ivebeencaught · 2015-01-22T22:41:18+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2015-01-23T08:14:40+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Using dread on me. Help.
Author	ColumbusCrewFan
Upvotes	16
Comments	68
Date	January 22, 2015 4:58 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2taxt2/using_dread_on_me_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/using-dread-on-me-help.202649 https://theredarchive.com/post/202649

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