I'm a future female social worker and I want to ask you some things

Ding_batman · 2014-04-21T04:06:38+00:00

Good on you for taking the time to ask for more information.

Be patient, expect lots of long silences while they collect their thoughts. Anger and frustration does not equal potential violence.

guywithaccount · 2014-04-21T03:03:39+00:00

Men usually go less to help, and are more "urgent" when they finally come to us. I know it's easier for them to have a male social worker, but I wanted to know, how can I give the best impression to a new client that I'm not that kind of feminist social worker who is there to find how he is the bad guy.

Anyone who's willing to come to you is probably ready to hear what you have to say. They're offering some amount of trust, however small, that you can help them. Reward that trust by treating them like human beings who need help, instead of like people who probably deserve to be punished or scrutinized.

2014-04-21T02:53:51+00:00

Number one rule remember the client, in all your dealings.

chocoboat · 2014-04-21T05:12:00+00:00

I don't know if I can really give you a good answer, since I've never been in the circumstances that those men are in.

All I can say is... do your best to treat men and women the same way. You'd treat light-haired people the same as dark-haired people, right? You don't assume that short people are up to no good but tall people are always telling the truth, right? It should be the same for men and women.

poloppoyop · 2014-04-21T09:27:52+00:00

Remove "man-up" from your vocabulary.

StarsDie · 2014-04-21T05:48:12+00:00

Leave a couple books on your bookshelf or somewhere visible.

Maybe something by Warren Farrell or Christina Hoff Sommers' War Against Boys.

If you are more adventurous, read this book about marriage but definitely DON'T leave it in your office (... and don't pay over $20 for it; it's out of print so people sometimes ask for outrageous $):

http://www.amazon.com/The-Predatory-Female-Marriage-Divorce-Industry/dp/0961593806/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1398058918&sr=8-1&keywords=predatory+female

You might also once or twice say something bad about a woman that's in the news or something unrelated to anyone he talks about.... just to let him know you're okay with men criticizing women, since a lot of guys feel scared to be perceived as misogynistic or "unchivalrous" if they do so.

You could also be honest and say, let's face it, guys often get inequitably screwed in divorce court / child custody, schools are generally a hostile environment, they get screwed in criminal sentencing and a couple other areas.

2014-04-21T07:38:39+00:00

P.S. You'd be surprised, there are quite a few male chivalrous pricks out there in the world who are very unsympathetic to male problems and expect males to suck it up for the good of the ladies. Particularly, this is true in liberal fields of study, and I assume social work is no exception to this rule.

The fact that you are female doesn't mean you can't be a great advocate, even better than most men in your field.

2014-04-21T12:07:15+00:00

I have no real advice. But a big thumbs up to you for trying to make things better.

2014-04-21T05:21:54+00:00

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avantvernacular · 2014-04-21T13:25:53+00:00

Keep in mind that for most men, they are very aware that the system is against them, and that you are a part of that system.

I'm not that kind of feminist social worker who is there to find how he is the bad guy.

You will need to go above and beyond to make this clear. It will not come easy or quickly. Men who do come to you will have their guard up, and it will not drop in the first 5 minutes. You will need to be conscious of every thing you do and say. One word of hostility can undo a thousand words of empathy. Once glance of disdain will be enough to put him on guard again. Remember that you have the power, and they do not. How you wield it is up to you.

2014-04-21T14:45:45+00:00

There's not much you can do, unfortunately. The whole field is extremely political and people know it. One school of social work has "bring about social justice" in their actual mission statement, and again people know that this means "help one group at the expense of another." In other words, social injustice. And everyone is required to be indoctrinated into this kind of thing to graduate.

The other thing is that, at least in the one school I'm familiar with, it seems that everyone who pays their tuition and shows up for class gets a degree. In other words, standards seem to be low and people who should be failing seem to just get a pass for trying.

It's not surprising that few men are interested in this field considering the attitudes therein, and even those that go into it aren't necessarily going to be any more fair to men than the women are.

Essentially what it comes down to is that if you were an instructor at a school of social work who had managed to get tenure then maybe you could do something, but you'd probably never get tenure without towing the party line for a long time. The whole field is corrupted and needs to get fixed, and that would need to start at the institutional level.

So I don't think there's much you can do without being a tenured instructor.

uncommonman · 2014-04-21T16:03:57+00:00

Make sure to send mail to both parents if they are divorced, don't bring up the mother unless the father does.

And be sure to study 'the male vocabulary', most men use different words while trying to explain things and are more goal oriented - they want to discuss the solution not the problem.

But most of all don't listen to much to advice, listen to the person in front of you ;-)

dungone · 2014-04-21T09:42:11+00:00

I think you answered your own question. No matter how amazing you are, men aren't going to roll the dice and hope that they meet a kind social worker rather than someone who isn't sympathetic to men.

Don't blame them for their problems, or for waiting so long until seeking help. Don't see what else you can do.

knowless · 2014-04-21T13:44:38+00:00

What could a social worker do to help a man? I'm honestly confused here.

Fintago · 2014-04-21T12:38:36+00:00

I would say this works for both men and women, hear everything they have to say. I mean just let them spill out the words and just participate just enough so they know your engaged. We all right these scripts in our heads we want to get out, but never can because life's a discussion, not a monologue. Often times people will show a more true picture of themselves if you just let them go rather than trying ask for clarification. Once they have sputtered out, then probe for depth.

CaptainChewbacca · 2014-04-21T17:36:32+00:00

Look the man straight in the eyes and tell him you believe him when he tells you something. Just believe him.

MRSPArchiver · 2014-04-21T17:19:47+00:00

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anunusualname · 2014-04-21T19:02:18+00:00

Wow, thank you. I think you are exactly the kind of person that men's rights needs. You're making up your own mind about things and seeing that a lot of what has happened in the past few decades has just become ridiculous.

As far as what you can do in a your day-to-day work, a couple ideas:

Tell your supervisor or the people you work with that you are interested in helping men.
Could you ask your work to start a list of social workers who are interested in helping men? When a man calls, ask them if they want someone from this list? Do they have any other lists of specialties within the practice?
How about a paperweight that says "I (heart) Men". Or a good quote such as

“Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.” ― George Carlin

Or just

Men Are Awesome. Women Are Awesome.

duglock · 2014-04-21T20:54:59+00:00

I've had to see a social worker 2 times both court ordered. The thing I found infuriating was I would be asked a question, I would answer it, and then the social worker would completely deny the validity of my answer.

An example, I was asked if I was ever abused as child. I'm in my mid-30's but still have the scars from cigarretes being put out on my hands - they are still quite noticeable. Both times the female case workers denied that this was abuse since evidently only strangers can commit abuse towards children.

levelate · 2014-04-21T01:30:20+00:00

shut up and listen, be prepared to hear uncomfortable things about your gender.

do not soap box!

Title	I'm a future female social worker and I want to ask you some things
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	24
Comments	79
Date	April 21, 2014 1:16 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/23jyz2/im_a_future_female_social_worker_and_i_want_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/im-a-future-female-social-worker-and-i-want-to-ask.1001480 https://theredarchive.com/post/1001480

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