They say it's stereotypical for little girls to grow up dreaming about their wedding day and future family... but I've done this too. Ever since I was little. I think it's partly due to me growing up without parents; I dreamed of one day getting it right, having the perfect family. I want to be married. I want two kids. I imagine all the things we'll do, from camping, to Disney world, to arguing about furniture rearrangements. I imagine the wedding day, I imagine our kids' first days of school, I imagine sending her flowers at work, I imagine taking turns as chef, I imagine growing old and sitting on the front porch swing.

But reading the things here, and how people advise against marriage, and how courts almost always rule against the fathers even when the wife was the one cheating and causing the divorce, ... it makes me nervous. Most of my exes cheated, to include on both of my military deployments. I witnessed tons of cheating on my deployments too. And nearly every married guy either got cheated on or had their wife spend all their money to "cope with their man being gone". It actually makes me kind of sick and shakey thinking of all the things that can go wrong. I know I won't make a mistake. I have a loud conscience. But experience and observations tell me that she can say she loves me, her husband, at 9am, and be fucking someone else a few hours later. I witnessed a coworker do this on deployment. She called home everyday, I worked in the same battalion office, listened to her say how much she loves and misses him. At night, she was fucking one of the guys in my tent. I don't know why, but witnessing that hurt me just as much as if I were her husband. I even cried. I was still a virgin a time, only then realizing that nobody else waits. It's Like I'm losing whatever bit of hope and naivety I had left in me. I miss having a clean and nice view of the world. This world sucks. Good people get hurt in this world.

Should I give up on my dream? Is love, marriage, and family inherently risky? Should I continue with my dream, and take full responsibility if it falls apart beyond my own doing, which statistically it will?

There is good news though. Women don't seem to go for good, clean, reserved, moral, polite guys that actually want to be dads. I can't even get a 2nd date. So I guess I'm safe for now.