Rape: "not as bad" for male victims as it is for female.

purrit · 2011-07-14T08:23:23+00:00

ever notice how nothing is as bad for men as it is for women?

fondueguy · 2011-07-14T14:58:36+00:00

Man who was physically held down and raped speaking,

The worst part of rape has nothing to do with the act of sex, it has to do with security. You are living your life day to day, doing nothing wrong, when someone close to you (or a random stranger) physically overpowers you, harms you, (bruises, cuts, etc.) and makes you do something that your mind doesn't want you to do, but your body goes along with. That's right we need to address 2 things here.

Young teenage boys CAN NOT control their erections. We even THINK about an open door and holy shit there's another one. So when someone has you tied down, and they're STROKING YOU even if you're thrashing around screaming help, you're going to get hard.
To avoid TOO MUCH trauma, women will get wet during rape. It doesn't mean they "wanted it" it means the body is saying "Oh fuck, WE GOT AN EMERGENCY! DUMP ALL THE WETNESS!"

I've read it countless times. That's why people feel like shit after rape, their body betrayed them and they start to think that maybe they actually wanted it and it wasn't really rape.

So, you're living your life when either someone you trust or some random stranger forces you down and even though you are screaming for help, your body is going along with it, your body isn't even bothering to cooperate with you.

That trust barrier that gets smashed, I can't even describe how painful it is. I didn't trust women for five and a half years and it took 9 years before I had a successful relationship actually worth anything and that was AFTER 4 years of therapy.

I saw a woman at my middle school who looked similar to my rapist and I actually passed out from the strength of the fight or flight response pumping adrenaline.

I still get that fight or flight response around small black women with afros. My therapist said I have PTSD.

Most of the agony from rape comes from no longer trusting anyone. Knowing that ANYONE, even someone you trust, could be a rapist, and you don't know what it takes to set them off. What the trigger is that frees the monster potentially inside everyone you meet.

fondueguy · 2011-07-14T12:54:19+00:00

Try telling me anal rape on a guy who's never had anal sex before is not as bad as female rape.

Or non-anal rape. What, is it the penetration part that's the offense with female victims? If that was the case, why wouldn't they be offended by consensual sex? It's the lack of consent and use of force that's the offense.

ThePigman · 2011-07-14T12:27:18+00:00

It's not as bad, it's worse. Not only do they get all the same crap the female victim does but they also get labeled as unmanly. I have yet to hear a female rape victim referred to as unwomanly. On top of that, women are always being told it may happen to them, for a male victim it comes as a total surprise and is something he has never been psychologically prepared for.

ManThoughts · 2011-07-14T15:16:21+00:00

I left this reply over there-

Hi, I am a man. I was raped by a woman when i was seven years old. I was taking a nap over at my baby sitter's house, she came into the bed with me, touched my genitals, asked me to turn over, and then stuck her finger in my buttocks. Similar things happened on subsequent occasions.

Do you want to tell me why that experience should have been enjoyable to me? Please, inform me how the anxiety, depression, and sexual dysfunction I've experienced my entire life is a bowl of cherries.

2011-07-14T13:05:56+00:00

This person is bat shit crazy..

IkirysAtWork · 2011-07-14T14:33:28+00:00

What reddit hate group was it anyway? Mensrights? Feminists? Rape advocates?

This person goes on to call us dickshitting trolls... There's a lot of wtf here.

girlwriteswhat · 2011-07-14T19:20:44+00:00

Okay, I'm just making a conjecture, because a lot of the talk from grown men I've heard who have, as grown men (not boys or young teenagers) been completely blotto at a party and raped by a woman--be she young and attractive, young and unattractive, or 45 years old and hideous... they do tend to have more of a, "Well, that was shitty. Lesson learned, I won't ever get that hammered again," or something. I mean, I expect that they'd maybe have some lingering issues they don't talk about, but the one I personally know kind of...got over it pretty quick--and he was the one whose virginity was taken by a middle-aged warthog.

And then there's me. Made some serious errors in judgment that I knew were errors when I was making them, almost got raped when I was 14 by two older boys. They had my shirt and bra up, pants and panties off, and were about to get started when someone walked by on the other side of the park and spooked them.

And I just...well, I just kind of said, "Well, that was shitty. I'll never do that stupid shit again," and moved on with my life.

So maybe, IF men have an easier time processing a female on male rape, it's as much due to their having been socialized to be accountable for their mistakes. And in circumstances where there were mistakes made that led to being in a position where you can be easily victimized, taking ownership of your part in it is part of the process of recovery. Women, however, are socialized to place blame elsewhere rather than own up to their mistakes.

Blaming anyone and anything else for the bad shit that happens in your life is a way of stripping yourself of agency, turning yourself into an object that is simply acted upon, that stuff happens to. It makes you feel helpless, and like there's nothing you can do to keep other bad things from happening to you. Owning your mistakes--if indeed you made any--makes you feel less at the mercy of outside forces.

I've noticed that the most traumatic circumstances for people are ones where they really did have nothing to do with the lead-up, where there really was no mistake they made that contributed to their victimization. And the sooner you take ownership of your part in the lead-up, the quicker you usually recover from what happened.

liah · 2011-07-14T11:21:28+00:00

Why is it usually men who spew this kinda bull? Letting down the team on a topic that most needs solidarity. Brutal.

I don't get it at all. Whoever said that is clearly an idiot with absolutely no sense of empathy and equality; violation is violation and it will fuck you up regardless of your gender and regardless of how many of your friends tell you you got 'lucky'.

Sick shit :(

frankyb89 · 2011-07-14T16:05:55+00:00

Didn't want to create a new topic as this comment thread is from the same topic.

Here. I'm talking specifically about p_U_c_k's comments near the bottom but I wanted you guys to have the background about what he's responding to.

2011-07-14T16:17:28+00:00

Ding ding ding! We have a winner!

roberrt777 · 2011-07-14T18:11:04+00:00

Because some comments might get deleted, here is a screen-cap of the offending comments. http://i.imgur.com/ijU7p.jpg

A_Nihilist · 2011-07-14T18:14:15+00:00

Well, from a purely physical perspective, man-on-woman rape is worse than woman-on-man rape. A penis is a bit more sturdy than the inner walls of a vagina.

Rephlex · 2011-07-14T15:17:21+00:00

Every time we do one of these Downvote brigades we give our detractors more fuel to criticize us.

Title	Rape: "not as bad" for male victims as it is for female.
Author	publicservice
Upvotes	38
Comments	33
Date	July 14, 2011 7:31 AM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/ip8x0/rape_not_as_bad_for_male_victims_as_it_is_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/rape-not-as-bad-for-male-victims-as-it-is-for.1037329 https://theredarchive.com/post/1037329

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