Am I being sexist toward my own gender?

ExpendableOne · 2011-06-17T16:31:54+00:00

I think you are being a bit sexist, not necessarily because you want to defend her(it's normal to want to protect the ones you care about; though, if you only felt protective towards her, or if you assumed her to be weak/defenseless, because she is a woman then that is a form of sexism, yes) but because you seem to be projecting male sexuality in a very negative way(i.e. guys who want to have sex with her are being malevolent, guys she does end up having sex with her are using her). Male sexuality is normal/natural, so is her's, and men and women choosing to have sex with each other(even when there's a bit of alcohol involved) does not have to be a bad thing.

The world is a dangerous place, that is a fact, but that also doesn't necessarily mean that heterosexual men are any more of a danger to her than anyone else of any other creed, sexuality or gender; so for you to focus explicitly on heterosexual men also indicates a certain bias against those men. Being aware of the fact that there are dangerous men out there, just as there are dangerous women, isn't sexist - nor is being conscious of alcohol abuse being irresponsible and dangerous - but assuming the worse out of every man you come into contact would be(just as assuming the absolute worse out of every black man you come into contact with would be a form of racism).

matt_512 · 2011-06-17T16:07:20+00:00

Anything with alcohol means that she is much more likely to be taken advantage of. Be sure that she realizes the effects of alcohol. So do look after her--that's what friends are for--but you have to realize that if she wants to have sex with guys, it would be foolish and counterproductive to try to stop her.

barbadosslim · 2011-06-17T16:58:06+00:00

Is it wrong for me to be worried that a younger female friend who is going through a rebellious period with alcohol could be taken advantage of?

Of course not. Date rapes happen, and you don't want that to happen to her.

ManThoughts · 2011-06-17T15:57:28+00:00

I think you are being sexist, and it's motivated by a irrational desire to protect her. You need to let her do her own thing and make her mistakes. Do not white knight or rescue. Her and her family are the ones responsible to take care of her. Just let it go.

Edit:If you were her brother, her fiance, or her husband it would be a different story

KINGCOCO · 2011-06-17T15:55:59+00:00

No. You should look after friends. Guys are horny and devious. While the vast majority will act ethically, why take the risk?

rantgrrl · 2011-06-17T17:41:51+00:00

Is it wrong for me to be worried that a younger female friend who is going through a rebellious period with alcohol could be taken advantage of?

Do you have the same concern for your male friends? Or for females taking a predatory interest in your friend?

Even more importantly, do you think she would protect you if you needed it?

2011-06-17T17:46:52+00:00

well, the first question is "how drunk are we talking" a little tipsy or almost blacking out?

Either way, shit happens and you want to make sure your friends are safe. Would you be just as defensive of male friends who were continuously getting hit on by women while incredibly intoxicated?

zyk0s · 2011-06-17T18:38:38+00:00

"Sexist" is a term thrown around a lot and for different contexts, so much so that the original meaning is lost. Also, it seems to always have a bad connotation, when it doesn't need to. Is recognizing differences between the sexes "sexist"? Feminists are split on that, it is only when it disadvantages them. Is adjusting your attitude and expectations based on gender "sexist"? It seems to be, but what if it is rooted in fact?

Realize what you're doing here: you have the natural male instinct of a protector, and you are being very cautious (maybe in excess). You don't tell exactly your feeling for your young female friend, but based on your description it seems you have stronger feelings for her. If that's indeed the case, ask yourself if she is reciprocating them, and if she isn't, you are what we all term a "white knight". Your feelings for her cloud your judgement and make your instincts the master of your behavior. You may see the other guys as rivals, which would explain both your attitudes towards them and towards the girl.

You need to ask yourself why you are doing all this, what outcomes you expect. If you feel the girl isn't able to take care of herself, realize your prejudice also extends to women: you're not only sexist "against your own gender" (a strange idea, since there is a binary division of gender), but also "against her", because you assume her helplessness and irresponsibility based on her gender. Since you posted the question here, you clearly have some trouble with being "sexist", but you also clearly can't just throw emotions and instinct out of the windows. So if you believe you're not being a good person by having these prejudices, ask yourself what is more important to you: the feeling of duty accomplished and the peace of mind knowing nothing bad ever happens to your friend, or the feeling of righteousness of not falling into petty stereotypes and treating each and every one fairly? If you can answer that, you'll be in harmony with who you are, and will know how to act accordingly.

kloo2yoo · 2011-06-17T18:50:56+00:00

Is it wrong for me to be worried that a younger female friend who is going through a rebellious period with alcohol could be taken advantage of?

no. It would, though, be wrong to be worried about her and deliberately disinterested in a similarly situated younger male friend.

You're not worried about the average guy taking advantage of her, nor would you be worried about the average guy stealing your car. But you know that there are predators, and you don't know who they are.

You also need to worry about her irresponsible choice to be drunk.

NoSalt · 2011-06-17T19:01:36+00:00

If she is >= 18, then she is responsible for her own actions. If she is getting drunk all the time, and has indiscriminate sex with guys, then she is the only person to "blame". If a guy rapes her (including having sex with her after she passes out), that is completely different. However, if she just regrets it the next day and claims that he took advantage of her, then it is her own damn fault. I am positive that people, who would never normally drink and drive, that get arrested for drinking and driving, would LOVE to use this "I was drunk and couldn't make the correct decision" defense. It just doesn't hold water. If you decide to get drunk, and in 99.99% of this cases it is a conscious decision, then you have no room to whine about the consequences.

2011-06-17T19:05:24+00:00

i would say thats not sexist simply because you are aware of your own prejudices. now, how should you feel about your friend? a gender neutral theory would say you need to either accept that she both can and should take care of herself or that you can be concerned about her but you also have to be concerned about your male friends who behave in the same way. i dont really think thats perfect, because the sexes are not equal and shouldnt be treated equally, but it should be our default position unless we have a good reason for departing from it. do you have a good reason?

Whisper · 2011-06-17T21:51:28+00:00

Yes, you are being sexist.

Against both genders.

You are calling her current priorities a "rebellious period" and assuming that you know what is good for her, or what she wants, better than she does. If she wants to get drunk and fuck a lot of dudes, then that choice belongs to her and the dudes. You don't get veto power just because you're older.

You are stereotyping male sexual attention as undesirable, unwelcome, and predatory. This hurts men everywhere.

That wouldn't be necessarily fueled by jealousy or protectionism

That's exactly what it is fueled by. The fact that you brought it up means you know it, too.

You either don't want her having sex because:

The unlikely negative consequences might spill over onto you, but the inevitable positive consequences benefit only her and her partner(s). This is why parents don't want their teens to have sex. It's entirely selfish.
Because it wouldn't be with you. Let's face it, we are often attracted to socially inappropriate people, whether too young, or whatever. We have to either admit to ourselves, and control our behaviour, or decide the social appropriateness isn't so bad, act on it, and laugh at anyone who gets puritanical at us. Either way, expecting someone else to be celebate is unfair. Either step up or step back.

You need to get your head straight. You are trying to rationalize some very dangerous attitudes in order to avoid having an honest, adult, and possibly very uncomfortable discussion about sex. Your brain needs a spring cleaning.

Young people are going to get drunk and fuck. That is natural, good, and healthy. It's time we leveled with that.

rockidol · 2011-06-18T02:47:02+00:00

"Is it wrong for me to be worried that a younger female friend who is going through a rebellious period with alcohol could be taken advantage of?"

No, there are evil men who will do that. Assuming that all men are like that is sexist.

linksterboy · 2011-06-17T17:08:33+00:00

I think you just need to think about it this way: If you were going out drinking with a guy friend, and they were getting drunk, would you try to protect them from someone who was going to hurt them/take advantage of them?

I hope the answer to that is yes.

In the current world we live in, at least during the younger years of most peoples lives, girls are more likely to be manipulated for sexual acts. If your female friend was approached by a female that you thought was going to manipulate her, would you intervene? if the answer is yes, you aren't being sexist, that's just suspicion based on experience by society. The trick is to only be suspicious in your mind, but only act on it when you have legitimate reason to.

Eogan · 2011-06-17T19:59:02+00:00

because having sex is so dangerous

2011-06-17T18:55:39+00:00

It sounds like you want to have sex with her. You prob know you cant, (you have a girlfriend or shes too young or something), but still putting in the goodwill now might pay off later. Nothing to be ashamed of. Not because you are nice to her, because you are special nice to her.

Demonspawn · 2011-06-17T18:44:58+00:00

If a drunk guy comes up to me and offers me a $5 bill for a single cigarette and I agree, is that theft on my part?

Title	Am I being sexist toward my own gender?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	12
Comments	63
Date	June 17, 2011 3:46 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/i27ff/am_i_being_sexist_toward_my_own_gender/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/am-i-being-sexist-toward-my-own-gender.1038525 https://theredarchive.com/post/1038525

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