One of my posts was cross posted from Ask Reddit, but now I have a question for the men (because I think women would be biased)

brauhze · 2011-03-02T04:40:50+00:00

You describe the guy as a "friend with benefits". I'm gonna focus on the friend part. If a friend of mine strongly wanted an abortion and couldn't pay, hell yeah I'd help. Whether it was my kid or not.

So yeah, ask. If the guy is any kind of decent, he'll help. If he doesn't, you'll know he wasn't ever a friend in the first place, but just some guy who liked fucking you.

Sorry you're in this position. :-( Good luck.

etherspirit · 2011-03-02T06:35:42+00:00

You are in no way out of line.

silverprocess · 2011-03-02T02:59:38+00:00

If you can't afford it, then you wouldn't be out of line, but don't be surprised if he refuses.

DunGoofedUp · 2011-03-02T04:02:00+00:00

Do you have a hormonal IUD?? ("having birth control removed")

If so, you will most likely be required to have an abortion because the fetus is unlikely to survive when it has been exposed to the hormones of the IUD in close quarters. I'm not an expert but this is what I have heard when women get pregnant with a hormonal IUD.

If he cares at all for you even as a friend, and was aware of the risks, then it makes sense he would offer to help, or at least be okay with your request. I know you didn't want advice from a female but I don't think you have to be female to recognize common decency between honest friends who have shared interest in a difficult situation, and a willingness to help one another.

If he refuses to help, regardless of whether he "should" have, he may not be a very good friend in general. But where to go from there is obviously your decision.

AnnArchist · 2011-03-02T14:12:08+00:00

Like I said in the other thread , you would be a dirtbag if you didn't tell him unless your plan is to abort.

If you adopt out a baby, without telling him, you are pretty much a scumbag. if your plan is to abort, no need to tell anyone.

Most likely, he will pay for an abortion though. I'd drive the girl to the clinic and pay cash for it gladly. I'd be giddy about not having to pay CS

Rye22 · 2011-03-02T03:57:29+00:00

You need to talk to him about this.

lostbut302 · 2011-03-02T11:59:52+00:00

My question is, if I AM pregnant and not having a miscarriage, would I be out of line to ask him to help pay for an abortion, IF that is what we both agree on?

Putting myself in his shoes, no. As long as "I" am an equal in shaping the outcome, I'll do what's necessary to make it happen. (And I would be breathing a huge sigh of relief that you're being mature enough to not abuse the power position you're now in.)

speaker_for_the_dead · 2011-03-02T20:38:17+00:00

IF that is what we both agree on?

Wow, you really sound like a good person. There is no sarcasm here. I honestly wish there were more women like you out there who were willing to consider the mans view as well.

I do not think you are out of line in any way.

YHWH_The_Lord · 2011-03-02T04:56:18+00:00

Ask if he can help pay, offer to pay him back over time. I guarantee he will accept that over the fear of the alternative of 18 years of child support payments. Even if you don't say it, don't even hint at it, he'll be thinking about it.

rantgrrl · 2011-03-02T04:18:53+00:00

You could ask him to cover the cost and pay back half as you're able.

BTW, I don't know if you've ever had an abortion before but don't listen to the fundies or the feminists, it's not really that physically taxing. (Mentally will depend on you.)

Oh yeah, I'm female. Sorry.

mwilke · 2011-03-02T20:15:24+00:00

If it were me and you didn't want the kid. . . I would ask you to give birth to the child and sign over custody to me.

No reason to kill the poor kid.

fondueguy · 2011-03-02T07:05:05+00:00

would I be out of line to ask him to help pay for an abortion, IF hat is what we both agree on?

That is extremely dishonest to ask him that if his answer has no effect on the outcome and you are only trying to extort him.

Question: if he wants to keep the life would you not get an abortion? If you would then don't try and take his money when you are the sole decider. (Try and think about how much that sucks if he did want the kid but was completely powerless to do anything about it.)

So in short if you assume full control of the decision process you should be fully responsible for the cost.

Title	One of my posts was cross posted from Ask Reddit, but now I have a question for the men (because I think women would be biased)
Author	DunGoofedUp
Upvotes	11
Comments	39
Date	March 2, 2011 2:40 AM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/fvhzk/one_of_my_posts_was_cross_posted_from_ask_reddit/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/one-of-my-posts-was-cross-posted-from-ask-reddit.1042612 https://theredarchive.com/post/1042612

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