I'm entering the lion's den and asking all men here a simple question

2011-02-16T03:19:55+00:00

Just because we don't have parental rights doesn't mean we can't be hit up for child support.

captainnomarriage · 2011-02-16T02:52:13+00:00

Sperm are like blank checks to our bank accounts. If you don't believe me then just Google "sperm donor forced to pay child support". The family court system is not a fun place to be if you are a man.

enkidusfriend · 2011-02-16T04:29:39+00:00

You will never understand, you're a women.

But let me simplify it.

Taking another mans DNA as your own is an act of submission. Not only to the wife, who will chose this, but to the man who donated.

Taking a child who needs a home is ana ct of charity. THis would warm anyones heart.

It is him who has to live with it, so don't go making arguments on behalf of your girl firend unless you're willing to accept the the outcome could be the child goes without a father later in life.

mean0dean0 · 2011-02-16T02:44:42+00:00

I suppose the question could be asked of you as well--would you want another woman's egg implanted in your womb rather than your own? Well, unless you don't mind that the child's not your genetic progeny, probably not.

This guy sounds like he's open to adoption--so why not adopt? If the wife really wants a child, then she should at least consider this option. If, on the other hand, she just really wants to be pregnant, she should probably find somebody else to be pregnant with. Or wear a preggo-suit and drink ipecac every morning--three weeks of backaches and vomiting will cure her of any romantic notions about pregnancy.

EDIT: grammarz!@

2011-02-16T14:17:10+00:00

It sounds to me like he is afraid that he wont have the same relationship with the child as his wife.

If they adopt they both have the same relationship with the kid (adopted parents) if she gets a sperm donor then she'll be the mother and he will be the adopted father.

He just wants equal parenthood.

rawritsabear · 2011-02-16T03:13:07+00:00

Are you joking? That's a pretty disgusting double standard you got there. "The man shouldn't care who the biological father is, but god forbid it isn't the woman's genes in the child she raises."

toblotron · 2011-02-16T09:20:51+00:00

It's an interesting question! Of course she wants a biological child of her own, but I can also see how he would have a problem with her being pregnant by another man.. tough one! -Can't remember the last time I didn't feel I had a good answer to somebody's problem on the internet.. which is probably some kind of warning signal that I should think about ;)

kloo2yoo · 2011-02-16T13:24:39+00:00

no. We don't know his motives. But if they can't understand this together, then they need to hold of on babymaking because a baby is going to being a whole new level of problems, and the solution to those problems rests on a foundation of respectful communication.

eta: If they did go forward with in-vitro, I'd advise him as a friend to get some sort of document acknowledging his non-paternity, and decreeing that he has no responsibility for child support should the couple split.

PapaGeese · 2011-02-16T13:45:22+00:00

I think it would be different if it was also another woman's egg being used in the in vitro.

I would be against my wife having a kid with someone else and then having to raise it as my own. I'd rather adopt a child that neither of us were the biological parent of.

AnnArchist · 2011-02-16T15:03:35+00:00

I wouldn't want to raise another mans kid. If I have no biological connection to a kid, I don't want a kid. Period. If she has this hole in her heart that she needs to fill with a child, then she should volunteer with children.

theVice · 2011-02-16T02:47:49+00:00

It's not about (legal) parental rights, it's about literally being the (biological) parent of a child that you have no social or (direct) emotional connection to. I'm more against having another man's sperm impregnating my wife than I am adoption or donating sperm though. Taking care of a child that's not mine already kind of irks me, but I'm not against adoption really. Knowing that I'm taking care of a child that carries my wife's genes but not mine that was conceived while we were together, now that's just BS. Might as well have gotten pregnant in an affair.

2011-02-16T03:47:51+00:00

I think it is some instinctive male mate-guarding behavior. There are good reasons in general why a man doesn't want to be cuckolded. Those reasons don't apply here, but the instinct is still active.

My sister-in-law couldn't conceive (waited too long, tut tut) so she got an egg donor + my brother's sperm = twins. She would have preferred them to be hers biologically, I'm sure, but she's happy this way too.

Godspiral · 2011-02-16T03:50:46+00:00

He's completely against it because it's another man's sperm and another man's baby.

I don't get it either. Adopted would also be another man's baby.

MeanMotherHubbard · 2011-02-16T03:38:47+00:00

Isn't adopting still another man's baby/sperm? And at least with in vitro the baby would be 50% of the parents rather than 0%.

Y HE NO MAKE SENSE?

pcarvious · 2011-02-16T02:50:22+00:00

It's not that he's attached to his sperm or something like that. To me it looks like he's having issues with his virility. The ability to satisfy a mate is a major part of male ego, and she's essentially taking that away from him by allowing another man to impregnate her.

thetrollking · 2011-02-16T04:28:26+00:00

It is the same reason she wants a bio baby. Maybe you and your friend should try viewing men as human beings who wish to be a father with paternity and not disposable objects only good for making you happy.

enkidusfriend · 2011-02-16T03:49:19+00:00

I have a biological interest in making sure my genetic material survives for future generations. I also have a biological interest in the genetic material of relatives surviving since they share much of it with me. I do not have any interest in the genetic material of some other person whom I do not know, male or female, surviving for future generations.

This does not mean I will hinder them in any way. In fact, if I think there reasonable social services that will help other people do this, then I am entirely in support of it. If I need to play my part as a member of the community in order to support and protect the progeny of other's, I will.

But, I do not have enough interest in the genetic material of other's to be a father and commit that much of my time and resources to making sure it survives. I am not attached to my sperm. My sperm contain the genetic endowment of my family. Generations of blood, sweat, and tears, so to speak. Many of the individuals in that chain of family members struggled, fought and died to pass on their gene's and make sure their children survived and flourished. And if I choose to be a father, then that's the stuff I feel I have a duty to pass on in turn.

ladyhawthorne · 2011-02-16T05:05:39+00:00

Your friend is being selfish. There are LITERALLY millions of children that are not being cared for in the world; take care of some of them first before spending a fuckton of money on a procedure which is completely unnecessary for the purpose of being a parent.

knowless · 2011-02-16T05:09:05+00:00

why are some women so attached to their babies? i just dont get it?

Title	I'm entering the lion's den and asking all men here a simple question
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	2
Comments	104
Date	February 16, 2011 2:34 AM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/fm982/im_entering_the_lions_den_and_asking_all_men_here/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/im-entering-the-lions-den-and-asking-all-men-here.1043104 https://theredarchive.com/post/1043104

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