Raising sons to be HVM as an FDSer mom

MissouriBlue · 2021-08-20T08:55:01+00:00

I left my children’s father because I didn’t want my daughter to think punching was what husbands did; and I didn’t want my son that was How women are treated.

My son is now 30 and a HVM, and is making sure his finances are in order before he’s ready to breed.

My daughter is 27 and asexual. She sees nothing out there worth her serenity.

Your children are watching you. This is exactly How they learn to act and what to accept.

K0rla · 2021-08-20T09:06:03+00:00

Depending on how old they are. If they are still children before their teens, I think it would be super positive to make sure they consume media where women are their own characters, with their own life going on. Normalise women having their own stuff without being a man’s love interest, and having their own job, dreams and aspirations.

honeybadgerattitude · 2021-08-20T11:09:50+00:00

I have 2 young sons and I left their abusive father so I’m already undoing some bad effects that he left with them. But it’s all about you and the type of mother you are. My boys are wonderful and empathetic. I’m going to be teaching them about the damage porn can do and I’m already teaching them to be critical in their thinking. I teach them about people and how the world works and how it should work. I encourage them to express their feelings and I teach them to listen to others. Overall I plan to teach them to be able to think for themselves as adults so they’re not easily swayed by other people and societal trends.

Vivierex · 2021-08-20T19:54:43+00:00

Most important are open conversations with kids. Seeing how my grandmother raised HVM and her sons always talk highly of her how she always explained to them how to treat a lady, how they should value themselves and her not be pressured to lose virginity asap. How girls need more foreplay to enjoy sex, how you need to walk her home so she is safe etc. I would say she did amazing job. All the sons know how to do everything at home like cooking, laundry, sewing a button, repair something and also be a gentlemen.

ShegoGreen · 2021-08-20T12:27:52+00:00

I think teaching personal responsibility and consistency is a huge one that even many adults struggle to learn- so the younger someone can learn those qualities the better. Being around HVM would be great positive influences on them too. Many of my classmates who later exhibited HV traits were very studious and focused on getting into competitive universities. Another important thing I saw many HVM have is knowing the importance of their parents/family. Of course their parents were usually very involved in their lives and strict- but also very supportive. They were the kind of parents who let you know what they expected with directness, but still let you be an independent person and would always be there for you.

discoveringliberty · 2021-08-20T15:27:25+00:00

If I have sons I will definitely be utilising Gail Dines' resources for helping children who are growing up in a pornified culture - it's called Culture Reframed. In the pod episode with Gail she shares a story about her son refusing to go to a strip club when all his buddies were going because he was repulsed by the idea of women being objectified. It sounds like her son is HV and from what she said I think you need healthy female and male role models for your sons and to teach them early to question societal norms, think critically, etc.. She also said that when her son was little he was watching a history documentary where the commentor kepy referring to 'man's survival' and 'man invented XYZ' etc., and he asked her why they were weren't talking about women, so I think it starts young.

blessedwiththree · 2021-08-20T15:34:29+00:00

I know HVM exist and I do think regardless of the patriarchy and media that we can raise HVM. I know one of the largest parts of this is exposing our sons to HVM, so that they can learn how to be HVM. Unfortunately, a lot of us don't have HVM in our lives. I do believe it's better for children to NOT have an example than have a bad example (LVM/HVM).

It used to scare me that I had sons because of everything I have gone through with men. Now I see it as the gift that it is- that I have the opportunity to make a difference and contribute to the HVM of the world. I have two young sons and a daughter (all under 6). My littlest son is only two so some of this he doesn't understand yet. I had them all watch history videos regarding women and women's rights. I discussed with my oldest son and daughter what a man's role should be and how men are not keeping up with women as far as career, education, home duties, childcare etc. and have explained that this is not acceptable. I have all of my children take responsibility for their bodies, their actions, their emotions (while helping them work through things as needed and in an age appropriate manner). They understand and are taught physical and mental boundaries in regards to themselves and others. Empathy can be taught and it's something I repeatedly instill because their father lacks it. One of the things I feel is imperative is helping our children develop a very healthy self esteem. We need to raise them to be leaders from a young age and this helps them stand up in the face of adversity. When others are doing things that are wrong, they are confident in following the right path because of it (and are not deterred by others-submitting to the pressure of peers etc).

Children rise to the occasion. My two year old puts his dishes in the sink, he wipes up messes he makes, he helps clean etc. My six year old helps his siblings, bathes himself, asks if he can help with additional chores (like doing the dishes), follows a routine without being told etc. My five year old daughter is the strongest willed of my children, but she is also very helpful and contributes. Most of these things they do without being told or asked, which is really exciting because it means they have learned and developed these skills.

When the kids get bigger I will be discussing the dangers of pornographic material and I will do everything I can to ensure they have no access to it (whether through the internet or cellphones etc). The concern will be what happens during the summer when they visit their father (if that continues to happen), but I will cross that bridge when I come to it.

I feel strongly that the best thing that can be done is to instill morals, responsibility, self esteem, and empathy at a very young age because that is what will stick with them the most. Ensure that they do not have a sense of entitlement and that they realize mommy has her own thoughts/feelings/wants/needs and that mommy is not there to serve them. A sense of entitlement is not something you want them to have. My children have plenty of fun and I assure them every day how much they are wanted and loved, but I am firm with my boundaries and I know this will help them become great people.

Ironsculpture · 2021-08-21T11:16:34+00:00

Do you seriously think that abusive men were taught by their moms to be cruel and entitled, while magically the daughters of the same households are unexplainably better human beings more often than not?

Understand how limited a mother's influence is in regards to the development of her son. I know of some truly horrible men and boys that were raised in decent and loving families, with mothers than are absolutely distraught over their sons' violent behaviours and addictions and keep asking "Why?".

Culture and other males will influence a son's development much more that his mother, like you said. That's the hard truth. A perfectly sweet and innocent young boy that was raised with morals and responsibility can become a porn-addicted incel nationalist once testosterone kicks in.

sparklingcandy · 2021-08-20T11:56:25+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Raising sons to be HVM as an FDSer mom
Author	sparklingcandy
Upvotes	134
Comments	26
Date	August 20, 2021 8:27 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/p7xzxt/raising_sons_to_be_hvm_as_an_fdser_mom/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/raising-sons-to-be-hvm-as-an-fdser-mom.1058985 https://theredarchive.com/post/1058985

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