Should I be worried?

ASeaOfQuotes · 2021-09-01T14:16:18+00:00

It’s not an overreaction to set a boundary and expect that boundary to be respected. I assume you don’t hold onto old BF keepsakes, so it’s not hypocritical to expect the same of him. If he doesn’t like it, he has a right to end the relationship, same as you. It’s clear it’s an impasse for you both, so it’s time to end the relationship as he made his choice. Giving him leeway on this will mean he takes more leeway in the future.

Also using his friend against you as some kind of social guilt trip is messed up. “Well my friend said you’re over reacting!” It’s none of his friends business, and now he took it back, likely only to appeal to his friends opinion of him. If your BF deeply cared about these sentiments he would have said no to getting rid of them during the first fight. He is now holding his friends opinions more highly than your boundaries.

dancedancedance83 · 2021-09-01T14:00:09+00:00

You should’ve let him break up with you over it, especially after how he acted. He can stay in his past. He can also stay in your past. This isn’t normal.

Block + delete.

pathalienation · 2021-09-01T16:48:02+00:00

Been there, had that fight. Wish I’d left then. The end.

LittleWinn · 2021-09-01T15:45:56+00:00

You’re going to realize this as you get older and have more ex’s that sometimes things hang around that mean nothing, and sometimes they’ve built a shrine. Is this album on the coffee table and paged through daily? Blocked. Is this just something he keeps in the closet and doesn’t feel ready to say goodbye to, that’s a conversation about what it means to him and how you feel about it. I will say, that stuff about “I wanted to see if he would” is immature. It’s a yes/no we don’t play manipulative games.

Carpedictum · 2021-09-01T15:09:29+00:00

Boyfriend of a couple months.

To me, that really isn’t a “burn your mementos because this is THE ONE” level relationship yet.

Is the album accessible? Does he look at it regularly? Does he otherwise seem obsessed with that ex?

IMO- because you did ask for opinions, if it’s a dust covered photo album in the back of the closet, and he has no other red flags about the ex, and you’ve only been together a couple of months, that’s an inappropriate “break up over this” demand.

Your boundaries are your boundaries. If you said “This is my position and I’m firm on that” I wouldn’t argue against it, but you’re asking “Is that a big/inappropriate ask, and did I overreact?” IMO- yes.

moxymoxalone · 2021-09-01T16:30:13+00:00

My husband of 20 years keeps a box of memorabilia like this. They are letters and photos from previous relationships. I also have a few of these, as well as diaries that talk about previous relationships. We are sentimental people who acknowledge that our pasts are important even though we are now together.

It doesn’t bother me at all that he has these and I wouldn’t dream of asking him to get rid of what is part of his personal history “just to see if he would”. Everybody has some kind of past and it’s immature and egotistical to try to deny that by getting rid of physical evidence of those relationships.

Title	Should I be worried?
Author	Remarkable-Culture-8
Upvotes	17
Comments	14
Date	September 1, 2021 1:42 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/pfu5la/should_i_be_worried/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/should-i-be-worried.1066595 https://theredarchive.com/post/1066595

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