What would everybody think of a LWMA dating sub?

throwra_coolname209 · 2021-09-02T04:36:43+00:00

I'm conflicted on this. I think the whole dating advice genre as a whole needs a huge paradigm shift, but I'm stumped on how to make that really happen.

My big (cynical) question is: what could this subreddit say that hasn't already been said before?

I avoid most dating advice subreddits because they are either depressing as hell or everyone seems to be talking past each other. Frankly, I think dating advice is just difficult to give in general - people are asking for long-term methods to attract completely hypothetical people from others who may have completely different ideals on partners. Not to mention there's a near impossible balance between meaningless platitudes (just be yourself!) and recommending a person change everything about themselves for the potential to find a partner.

Overall, I think we could use a low-tension, more upbeat space, less focused on perspectives (which invite conflict) and more focused on personal growth in the context of also desiring a partner. My 2c at least!

a-man-from-earth · 2021-09-02T08:10:18+00:00

I think there is certainly a need for a dating sub with similar values as LWMA, but it will be incredibly hard to pull off without becoming basically either TRP-lite or platitude-lite.

helloiseeyou2020 · 2021-09-02T13:49:00+00:00

I just go into relationship subs to balance out the man bad woman right advice while not adding to the bAsEd AnD rEdPiLlEd noise. Works pretty well

I dont hate the idea of a space for true man's eye view dating advice that isnt spewing TRP bullshit but it would certainly invite the optics that this place is ackshually just a bunch of incels certain bad faith actors on other subs love to spread

DeepFriedWine · 2021-09-02T03:53:51+00:00

I don't think the goal in this case is to create parallel structures. Doing that would just confirm the notion that talking about men's rights is an outsider issue. Red pill and PUA both view society as something to be gamed and interpersonal relationships as objects. There is no society without men, and we should not try to be outside of society.

You want to talk about socialist mutual support networks and re-localizing food and goods production I'm all for creating alternative networks though.

Blauwpetje · 2021-09-02T09:29:54+00:00

I would like to have the issue of dating, hypergamy, (demonizing) male sexuality etc., regularly discussed on this page, as we did from the beginning. A separate sub would have the disadvantage that it also would separate those topics from other men's issues, while IMHO they're very much intertwined. A sub like that might also have advantages, but only when a lot of men participate, and the reactions don't make me optimistic about that. Then, there's already mensupportingmen; we don't have to split everything up, do we?

Imaginary-Sense3733 · 2021-09-02T11:46:34+00:00

Honestly it's a good idea, but I feel the sub already handles the topic really well most of the time. Discussions about dating are inherently emotionally fraught and the balance of different topics seem to provide breathing room that avoids people sinking into toxic vitriol against other posters, or creating the genuinely depressing sense of self loathing that places like r/menslib generate sometimes.

If you were to create something like that, it'd need skillful moderation. You'd have to be quick with the banhammer against people launching personal attacks against other users and the inevitable FDS and 2X brigading; while also fighting efforts to stop the sub's colonisation by red pill types and keeping it left wing while still having a safe place for men to vent and share their lived experiences. It'd be one hell of a balancing act.

BloomingBrains · 2021-09-02T07:11:45+00:00

My issue with it is that even the concept of trying to give advice comes off as condescending. It assumes that there is something wrong with you that you need to fix. Especially when the advice is often really trite things like "take a shower and go to the gym", "don't be a creep," etc.

Ok, maybe there are some men that legitimately need to work on their social skills, attitude, etc. They should be helped in a kind way without calling them misogynists, creeps, or incels, as long as they don't show any signs of toxicity.

Surely there are already places for this type of thing though, no? What most often gets brought up here are inequalities in the dating market. The viscous cycle of virgin shaming. Things like that. These are not really things anyone can solve in the short term because they come from society itself. We'd have to change people's minds by talking about the issue and getting more visibility, which is already what we do here.

quokka29 · 2021-09-02T06:35:44+00:00

I agree that their needs to be a paradigm shit. It just feels completely inadequate atm. I’m genuinely curious about your thoughts on this point. Why do you think their needs to be a paradigm shift?

OnenutFellow · 2021-09-02T07:36:47+00:00

I personally think it's a great idea

Neveah_Hope_Dreams · 2021-09-03T08:09:44+00:00

I'm very anti-dating websites. It may seem like a good idea because you may have more chances of finding a partner that's perfect for you without having to look for them socially, it's very very dangerous. People can fake identities and lie about themselves. I'm from childfree subreddits and I've seen hundreds of posts and comments that talk about how on their profile they state very specifically that they don't want to date a single mother/father. They would end up finding and falling in love with someone who claims to not be a single mother/father but upon meeting them in real life, they are shocked to see them arrive with their child on their first date.

. I think I've mentioned on here the murder of Grace Millane that happened in my country and how 'Missing White Woman Syndrome' got to the best of the media and the country when it happened. Well what happened was Grace met up with this man on a dating website and they arranged to meet up and go on a date. Security cameras have captured everything on Grace's last night. And of course what she didn't know is that he had a history of abuse and violence and he's really a sociopath.

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