Is one of the reasons a lot of women are viewed as "overemotional" is because they are expressing feelings men would be shamed for?

LacklustreFriend · 2021-09-08T19:46:56+00:00

I think there's two separate points here.

The first is that men are expected to be stoic. To be more specific, men have to be stoic about their own situations. Men are allowed to display some limited range of emotion, but only in reference to the plight of others (typically women). The classic example is anger at a slight against a woman. A man displaying some emotion over someone else's situation is likely to effect change and therefore useful. A man who is displaying emotional concern about his own situation is a burden.

The second point is that women being viewed as "overemotional" is often used a point in women's favour, in the sense that it can excuse women's behaviour. "Overemotional" is often used to imply that women can't or won't engage in "rational" behaviour, putting the impetuous on men to either concede to women or act on her behalf. After all, you can't tell an emotional women to "calm down"! All you can do is nod your head and agree with everything. In this sense it can be viewed as an emotional manipulation tactic.

Skirt_Douglas · 2021-09-08T16:04:41+00:00

I mean, yes I do think women are given space to express feelings men would be ridiculed for sharing, but they are not necessarily called over emotional for it.

Sometimes women are called over emotional because they are actually being over emotional. I have definitely seen women overreact to a problem as a means to spur other people to jump up and do something about said problem. There is such a thing as being too emotional, rattling and demoralizing your peers at the wrong times because they choose the relief of putting their emotions on other people instead of just taking one for the team and keeping it to themselves like men are supposed to do by default. Expressing emotions is not always useful, sometimes it’s just burdening other people with your shitty feelings for no good reason.

BloomingBrains · 2021-09-08T18:54:48+00:00

Or, to put it another way: if a woman presents a man with a problem, he must be careful in how he reacts to it. If he seems too willing to give her a shoulder to cry on, he's a nice guy*. If he takes her issue too seriously, he himself is too emotional. So it creates a weird situation where women can be upset by X but if a man shows that he is concerned about her being upset by X or even concerned about X itself, then that is bad.

I think this is one reasons why feminists often tell men that they need to open up more, but they never seem to actually have any empathy for our issues. It's self-serving: so that we're more free to react to their emotions but still not get any support for ours. It's like trying to find a compromise between the evolutionary instincts saying that stoic men are attractive but also understanding that stoic men aren't good at nurturing your emotions. Except that doesn't work because we don't want to be saddled with more responsibility without reciprocation.

Blauwpetje · 2021-09-08T14:02:07+00:00

There is nothing wrong with being a bit stoical. It is true that men are unduly shamed for expressing their emotions. And even if they aren't, they are often ignored in an embarrassed and embarrassing way. Actually, people shouldn't be shamed at all for such a thing. But that doesn't mean the way some women express their emotions is perfect, and certainly not that it's perfect for men. The idea 'men should express their emotions more' has too long been used as a pseudo-men-friendly feminist opinion. That doesn't mean it's all nonsense, but I don't think it will solve many problems either.

steamedhamjob · 2021-09-08T17:06:25+00:00

I 100% believe you are correct in some situations, because I remember as a kid and even into my very early 20s I was allowed to be emotional (I always had a very feminine and young appearance, and was a little immature) but as I started to physically mature and look more masculine things changed, and I started dealing with the negative stereotypes and was not allowed to be emotional anymore, and suddenly I noticed I felt very bitter and looked down on women being allowed to be emotional because I thought "well obviously I'm not allowed to do that anymore and I am able to suppress my emotions, so why are they unable to suppress their emotions?"

Of course, I realized that this is a problem with gender dynamics and not women. I also realized that being overly stoic and unemotional was taking a huge toll on me. But it is definitely some anecdotal evidence that I believe supports your theory.

Imaginary-Sense3733 · 2021-09-08T16:55:01+00:00

I think that's a really interesting line of thought, not considered that before. Makes sense that men would find certain behaviours odd or undesirable when they themselves aren't socially permitted to express themselves like that.

reddut_gang · 2021-09-08T23:43:03+00:00

CyclopeWarrior · 2021-09-08T17:38:24+00:00

Women are physiologically more responsive to hormone balances in their body, specially estrogen. This is why you see the representation of it in women being unable to control their emotions when in pregnancy stages, as the amount of this particular hormone can have an influence on your state of mind. Same goes for that time of the month. That's why it's also advised that men don't consume too many soy products as it ends up being like an estrogen supplement and can cause issues in developing boys.

Title	Is one of the reasons a lot of women are viewed as "overemotional" is because they are expressing feelings men would be shamed for?
Author	throwra_coolname209
Upvotes	79
Comments	25
Date	September 8, 2021 1:44 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/pkasmv/is_one_of_the_reasons_a_lot_of_women_are_viewed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/is-one-of-the-reasons-a-lot-of-women-are-viewed-as.1069789 https://theredarchive.com/post/1069789

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