It's so embarrassing to admit, but I can't be the only one who struggles with being snippy towards men who (often rightly) criticize or convict me. I have this terrible lifelong habit of immediately rushing to rabidly defending myself at ANY perceived verbal attack from men, no matter how minor. This habit came from when my mom left and I begun getting into daily adult arguments with my father.
Yesterday, while having lunch with a male coworker from a more traditional part of the world, I mentioned how I'm going to be very busy this spring while helping my boyfriend with some paperwork stuff as he transitions to moving back to my country, picking a city to live in, weighing job options, getting a visa, etc. He kindly interjected that my boyfriend should be doing those things himself, and that it isn't really a girlfriend's responsibility. Naturally, I snipped at him, fighting to explain why I do deserve those responsibilities, and that it is my place. I thought about it for the rest of the evening and realized that he was very right, and by then, it was too late to apologize to him without being awkward.
For those of you who have also struggled with almost instinctually disrespecting men, what are your strategies to be calm and graceful when challenged?
[–]SecretFeminine 11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]sister-goose2 points [recovered] (8 children) | Copy Link
The issue is that I only end up doing it with men )-:
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]sister-goose2 points [recovered] (6 children) | Copy Link
In general... I have a horrible issue with disrespecting men whenever I feel like they're questioning me
[–]SecretFeminine 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]sister-goose2 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
I immediately defer to other women and let them be right. I can't recall a time an argument arose between another woman and I, because it never seems worth it to defend myself. It shouldn't be so hard to extend the same attitude to men!!!
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[–]sister-goose2 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
What you quoted was almost exactly what I said to my friend in that situation, is that bad?
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[–]sister-goose1 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
Thank you for this comment! Luckily I almost never have this problem with my boyfriend-- it's just with males I encounter out in the world, especially if they're older than me. It's so easy to defer to him and let him have his way. Sometimes I still struggle with feeling like he's wrong, but I only ever tell him if I feel it's severe enough that he might need to know a second opinion. This has only happened twice in our two years
[–]banalchenal 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]sister-goose1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
I didn't know RPW only promoted submission to your partner. I was trying to find ways to submit to men in general instead of being overly strong willed with them. Thank you for the clarification!
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[–]sister-goose1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
What?
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