When I was about 28, a friend recommended a book called "The Man's Guide to Women" by John and Julia Gottman. It's been a few years since I've read it, so I'm hesitant to recommend it now because I was still in a pickme mindset at that point. But as I recall it offered advice on how to be emotionally supportive, how to actively listen, how to apologize, how to empathize with some of the pressures that women face, etc.

As I read it, I kept thinking: "What's even the point of this book? Who is even the audience here? No man is going to want to follow any of this advice." And about halfway in it hit me like a ton of bricks: "Wait, some men WANT to be good partners to the women in their lives? They read books like this because they CARE and put EFFORT into their relationships?!"

It was the first time I'd ever even considered the possibility, ya'll. My mind was blown.

Raise your hand if you've ever read a book on how to be a good partner in a relationship. Or read articles and websites about how to do wifey shit, be a "good girlfriend", or maintain a "strong household"? How many conversations have you had with other women about keeping your man happy? When there was a conflict, how much time did you spend laboring over finding a peaceful resolution?

How much effort have you put into being the perfect partner, attending to a man's needs, doing everything to keep him happy? How many of those men could say the same?

Meanwhile, as we made their lives easier, we had our own shit going on too. We've had to work twice as hard. I look back and I'm like: "How did I do it?? I cooked, cleaned, catered to his delicate emotions and fragile ego, went to my full-time social work job every day, studied for the GRE, applied to grad school, made time for friends, went to the gym, and had a hobby." I'm honestly really proud of myself! Life on easy mode, my ass.

I'm happily married now and my husband is downstairs fixing something on my car while I'm doing homework. Earlier he made me dinner. Having a supportive and attentive partner is not an unreasonable ask -- we've been putting in the effort for *years*. We deserve a partner who gives it back.