Great boyfriend, not-so-great husband?

VaselineB · 2021-11-02T05:36:48+00:00

Well he's not high value then, because he stops short of giving you what you want & making you happy. YOU decide what his value is. Perhaps you valued him too highly while not valuing your own needs, which is how this relationship became unfulfilling and imbalanced.

LR_today · 2021-11-02T03:29:55+00:00

This means you are a place holder for the woman he does marry (usually within a year).

He is wasting your time.

msssst · 2021-11-02T04:03:13+00:00

I feel that deep down you know there’s an issue but you’re trying to justify to yourself why being a perpetual gf is ok and coming onto FDS to find support for this.

Defiant_Marsupial123 · 2021-11-02T01:31:17+00:00

It's a dead-end. If he won't eventually marry you, that means he doesn't want to stick around.

There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be tied down by marriage, but in all likelihood, a man who is just a boyfriend is getting more out of the situation than you are - especially if you're still youthful and WANT marriage. He's taking your good years.

thowawaywookie · 2021-11-02T09:09:00+00:00

He's a tire kicker. Block Delete

DivineGoddess1111111 · 2021-11-02T05:45:03+00:00

A high value man wouldn't waste your time if he knew you didn't want the same level of commitment.

Block and delete.

questionsaboutrel521 · 2021-11-02T11:56:35+00:00

How long have you been together?

Look, a man who truly values you will be slowly escalating his commitment to you, and it should seem obvious. There should start to be hints or casual discussions or plans about the future between the first and second year of dating. If he shows no interest in that, it’s indicative of what he thinks of you.

katiekat0214 · 2021-11-02T13:27:17+00:00

Speaking as an older woman who's already been married twice, the issue is the same, except with a small twist. I for one would adore a living apart together situation! For my stage of life, and hopefully a man's also, it makes sense not to marry; I have assets I want to leave to family, not a man. I have and need my own space, and don't want to live with any man again; I also want to avoid extra cooking and cleaning. That said, I'd love someone who wanted the exact same thing, and we could be loving, monogamous partners.

It all boils down to wanting the same things, and being on the same timeline. I agree with LR_today, if he keeps you around but doesn't mention marriage when you've specifically said you want that, you're a place holder, a warm body, while he continues to look. Dump and move on with your life. Same for me but opposite: if a man really wanted marriage, I'd say no thanks and set him free to find a woman who also wanted marriage and cohabitation. I think using someone as a placeholder is rather cruel, and all goes back to the "treat others as you'd be treated" credo.

And for all those male lurkers out there who want to pounce and claim hypocrisy, calm your tits, dudebros. When we level ourselves up, keep our standards high, and say no to relationships, we're prioritizing ourselves, and we're not using anyone. If we see a relationship isn't working, we nope out and leave a man to find someone who will work better for him.

naananon · 2021-11-02T01:19:17+00:00

The only thing that matters is what you want. If you want marriage, you deserve to find someone just as high value as your current bf who wants the same things you do.

fireforestfairy · 2021-11-02T10:56:28+00:00

I've never been in this situation, but I can say the guy sees the girl as a forever girlfriend.

Sunshine_Daisies2525 · 2021-11-02T03:03:17+00:00

How long have you guys been together?

Title	Great boyfriend, not-so-great husband?
Author	TheKarenFromHell
Upvotes	88
Comments	14
Date	November 1, 2021 4:11 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qkhctb/great_boyfriend_notsogreat_husband/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/great-boyfriend-not-so-great-husband.1080595 https://theredarchive.com/post/1080595

Comments