Let's pretend rats don't exist. I live in a town, there are probably rats because there are sewers etc. But I don't see them, I avoid the spots in town where the rats likely are (like the dump etc) because there's no reason for me to go there. I enjoy my nice clean house, well kept garden, and tidy streets because that environment makes me peaceful and zen. I rarely have cause to think of rats, they don't show up very often.

But what if I stopped cleaning, paying my trashman, maintaining my garden? Suddenly rats could come to my house... Even in my house... The rats are there, pretending they don't exist makes it easier to slack on the maintenance that keeps them away. The same mentality can be applied to vetting.

We want to pretend that having high standards will keep the rats/LVM away. But there's more maintenance to keeping our standards high than we think - and while having high standards (or a nice garden) as a goal is a good start, it's nothing without the maintenance to make it happen. Just as we have to clean and scrub our houses to keep bugs and rats at bay, we also have to ruthlessly notice when people offer us shit and leave it in the trash where it belongs. Just as we seasonally have to prune our gardens, and purge our closets -we must also evaluate our friends and potential suitors. If we haven't worn an outfit for 3 years because it's not our style, or doesn't fit right, we need to pass it on -and we need to apply that same attitude to men. Is he as versatile as my favorite jacket? And just as functional and appreciated? Do I want to spend as much time with him as I want to wear my jacket? If I prefer my jacket over a man, I know where he needs to go -back in the bin.

If we don't regularly clean up our relationships (friends, family and suitors) then we are letting our garden overgrow, our house collect dirt, and our closet to overflow.

This is the mindset I'm applying to my vetting, for me it's easier to translate it this way since I have been building the habits in my home life for longer and it gives me a clear analogy to evaluate someone against: ie is this how I would keep my personal world when I'm on m own? Putting the vetting in this analogy makes it easier for me. Hope it helps you ladies as well. (Also I legit saw a rat today so that made it click😅)