For background, I possibly have undiagnosed ADHD which means I find it hard to have a presence of mind during conversations. It also means I am quick at blurting out answers before considering the intentions of others. I know I am easy to manipulate and a target for toxic people.

I have been actively working on boundaries which I have made significant progress. I now either successfully set up great boundaries which has resulted in better relationships with friends/ family/ colleagues, or I block and delete the people who breach my boundaries.

I was previously very close to two female colleagues who I naively believed were well-intentioned. They are interfering and are too nosey about my personal life. One in particular tries to interfere in my love life. I have tried to set up boundaries, but neither respect the boundaries I set up.

I'm an idiot for letting it happen. I'm more senior than one of them, and much more experienced than the other. Ideally I wish I behaved as such rather than being the nice, encouraging colleague and letting them in. I'm currently focusing on carrying myself with more gravitas, which will hopefully help set up boundaries and make it a challenge to manipulate me.

Unfortunately, I have to continue working very closely with these women. I want to grey rock them, but I'm unsure if this can be successful if you already had an established relationship with a person. I don't want to explain that I'm grey rocking them. They will question why I'm suddenly quiet. I'm certainly never discussing my personal life with them again, but they are skilled at extracting information from me in dribs and drabs. The possible ADHD makes it hard for me not to blurt things out or even identify that I'm being manipulated 🙈

I had a team lunch yesterday and attempted a boundary when one of them asked me about my dating life. I paused what I was doing, then looked her straight in the eye and said "I'm a bit too busy to answer that", which startled her. I later roasted her in front of the team for her previous awkward attempts at setting me up with male colleagues, which made everyone laugh but embarrassed her. But not quite enough because she later "subtly" set it up so that I was left alone with a male colleague that she thought I was interested in. He is in a relationship and I'm not interested anyway.

I now realise that it's a waste of energy explaining to them that they are interfering. I need to be more prepared for future inquisitions or set ups. Any ideas for stock phrases, good responses or anything else would be much appreciated. I am not afraid of tough love!