Is anyone else slowly getting there with FDS boundaries?

fuckUinparticular45 · 2022-02-12T15:53:49+00:00

It takes time to adjust our boundaries, but we learn from repeat exposure. The fact that you said, "no" I feel indicates you're on the right learning curve. (: (I'm on it too)

PenelopePitstop21 · 2022-02-12T16:13:21+00:00

I've therefore booked a date for MYSELF to go to a ceilidh. I love a ceilidh and I'm very excited!

Brilliant! Booking a date for yourself - love it!

What I should have said is that I don't want to meet ANYMORE. Or, just block and delete.

Yeah, just block & delete. It isn't being rude, he knows what he did wrong so any more communication is a pointless waste of both your time and his. Please don't feel you have to put any more of your energy into this man. Erase him from your life and move on. You may meet a decent dance partner or two at the ceilidh :)

daisy_0720 · 2022-02-12T18:34:22+00:00

Passive men are such a turnoff.

cml678701 · 2022-02-12T19:05:01+00:00

Yes! It’s a work in progress. I love how FDS has this reputation of being entitled women, when in reality, a huge percentage of us struggle with boundaries, and are not entitled enough. I feel like FDS is what I needed to get rid of some negative mindsets that have been setting me back in dating. I’m the kind of person who always assumes the best in everyone, but I have really needed to see things realistically and establish boundaries.

Biracial_tooth_fairy · 2022-02-12T19:02:54+00:00

Someone tried to do the same with me where he made extremely vague plans and checked in last minute. I didn't even enjoy his company all that much (we met in class), so I cancelled by telling him I wasn't feeling good. He was more hurt by me cancelling than he was worried about my health so I blocked him lol.

hopeful_flounder93 · 2022-02-12T16:24:34+00:00

Omg great choice, I would DIE for a good ceilidh 😂 Currently nursing bruises from the last one as we speak (worth it tho 👌👌)

SupremeDearLeader · 2022-02-12T17:46:42+00:00

Congrats on leveling up !!!! 🥳🥳🥳[ enjoy your show too ]

I recently had a breakthrough too, in the past if I knew someone was interested but too timid to approach I would man up and close the gap. Now I realize that no effort is a red flag for low life energy/ bad self esteem and quickly ignore .

Throwawaylikehay · 2022-02-12T21:40:35+00:00

Similar thing happened to me.Guy asks me to hang out a week in advance. (He is a mutual friend from work.)

Each day that we bump into each other, he kept Asking if we were still on on Saturday... but doesn’t tell me a time or the fucking location.

He literally waits until the day before to ask when I was available, and I said afternoon Saturday. Mind you, he messaged me at 4 PM and 3 hours pass by, STILL no response from him... So now it becomes the night before and he still doesn’t have a plan. I essentially message him again with my phone number so he can text me the details of location and time instead of DM’ing me 🙄

Idiot as he is, he asks if the morning will work. I was livid, and inside, I was like... why am I getting so angry? Then realized it was because someone didn’t respect or value my time if they couldn‘t even plan in advance. They have no consideration for other people’s schedule, no courtesy, and obviously no tact.

In a normal situation, I would‘ve left him read. But because people at work think he’s a great guy, I straight up told him that the morning would not work but we can try again next time. He responded “no worries, just let me know.” Yeah, YOU asked me to hang out. YOU plan the time and YOU share the location.

I nexted that idiot. Whatever interest I had in him shriveled up. And I thought... wow, a man really has to be clueless if he fucks something up before the first hang out!

I knew that even if i agreed to meet in the morning, I would have a terrible time with him as my mental has essentially put him on the shit list. I choose my single solitude and spending time with myself than to hang out with this loser!

edited for spelling

pickadaisy · 2022-02-12T16:30:41+00:00

I don’t accept dates until I’ve been given the plan. What’s the offer? Do I even want to go on that date? Men, alone, do not bring enough to the table.

edwardianemerald · 2022-02-12T19:48:43+00:00

A classic example of modern men thinking people are just like tabs on their computer screen -- it'll be there later, who cares, X out when done. Have a great time at the ceilidh!

dkwantsdk · 2022-02-12T20:58:26+00:00

He hasn't arranged anything. He said it's unlikely he'll be able to arrange anything so last minute. He also said that he is tired today.

This is a great example of over sharing and should be an immediate red flag. 🚩

This can be hard to spot for many women because we have specifically been trained to be responsible for other people's feelings and to accommodate them. The reality is that there is NO REASON he should share this. Partially because he is a stranger but more importantly because it shows a lack of boundaries, inner responsibility, and inner fortitude. His lack of planning and feeling tired is inconsequential to you. It is noise meant to distract.

Platipus6 · 2022-02-12T22:06:15+00:00

The questions "are we still on?" (for nothing, they haven't planned a date!) and "are you still keen to meet" are now red flags to me. They're always asked by no-effort men who have no interest in planning a date. They used up all their effort checking if I was still entertaining their bullshit texts. They get enough reward from knowing you're still excited to meet their loser asses and don't actually need to go on a date.

Tharwaum · 2022-02-12T16:47:44+00:00

You’re not really impolite for blocking if you decide to do that, because you avoid wasting his time. He could be a lovely well- meaning person , (or he’s juggling women idk) maybe he has a mental issue like depression or introvertion or stress or even covid related grief that made him tired or a physical illness coming on, but YOU just said you’re looking for someone who has the ability to be keen and isn’t tired. You want a masculine partner in your life not a dependant or someone to use your own energy to build up and be patient with. I can tell you have a lot of energy based on the fact you did research and the kind of activities you mentioned that you’ve found. For whatever reason he doesn’t have the ability to meet your needs and compliment your life right now so don’t feel bad for not wasting both people’s time. If he’s getting a cold or something he had no way of predicting he should have the self awareness skills to realize it, be considerate enough to realize that’s info that affects YOU, and have the communication skills to tell you that in the right way and the right time and I think that time is passed.

FDS-GFY · 2022-02-12T23:57:34+00:00

Just block and delete. Don’t waste a second more of your one beautiful life on this clown.

lunatigre · 2022-02-13T23:27:05+00:00

I'm so proud of you! Imagine what being in a relationship with this guy would be like if he is already half assing things at the very beginning?

Blocking/deleting in my mind isn't even always a way of punishing the guy...it's freeing your mental energy because every time they drop back in, it is a disruption and prevents you from moving on. Blocking and deleting is about setting us free of having to think about them again.

Title	Is anyone else slowly getting there with FDS boundaries?
Author	Saga-the-fierce
Upvotes	563
Comments	28
Date	February 12, 2022 3:32 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/squ0iu/is_anyone_else_slowly_getting_there_with_fds/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/is-anyone-else-slowly-getting-there-with-fds.1101071 https://theredarchive.com/post/1101071

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