Is this turning into a texting situationship?

qwaliY · 2022-01-04T17:42:46+00:00

Imo if you just got out of a long term relationship and aren't ready for anything serious you probably shouldn't be entertaining romantic relationships in the first place and should maybe look to building new friendships or strengthening existing ones to assuage loneliness instead.

What do you want from him? That should determine your next move

idiosyncraticg1 · 2022-01-05T03:10:01+00:00

My rule is - if you have to write a post about him, he ain’t it

whiskey_and_oreos · 2022-01-04T18:01:21+00:00

The thing with texting is someone has time to word things perfectly and present a certain appearance. It's not necessarily bad and I have no idea if that's what he's doing but I wouldn't count any of the time spent texting as time getting to know someone. Phone and Zoom calls are a bit different but still not as good as in person time.

How do you prefer to text? For me it's just a tool to plan things and I despise trying to have conversations through texting. So if you're really into him I'd drop a comment about your preferences and see if he improves. This isn't worth a whole conversation about expectations since you've only had two dates.

millennialpink2000 · 2022-01-04T17:50:29+00:00

He sounds boring and like he has nothing going on. Mindless texting all day is annoying and shows he's not doing much. Assuaging your loneliness this way isn't helping you in the long run. It's just using him as a crutch instead of redirecting that time and energy on yourself.

capresesalad1985 · 2022-01-05T00:08:34+00:00

My so and I legit text all day every day. As soon as we traded numbers we texted a lot and 6 years later we still text each other an amount that anyone else would probably find really uncomfortable. But I think that’s one of the reasons we click so we’ll is we are both just super chatty people and we tell each other every little thing. I think we had both gotten feedback about being a bit “clingy” to other partners but to each other our attentiveness and interest is exactly what the other one wanted. My best friend who knows my so well saw how much we text each other and was like what in the actual hell that would drive me insane, but it works for us. If it doesn’t work for you, then you can either try to manage it a bit (ehhhh) or just cut and run because your not compatible. Sounds like the later.

Platipus6 · 2022-01-04T21:08:32+00:00

Ignore downvotes, scrotes mad.

I think it's in the book "Not your mother's rules" which adds more tips for advanced technology like cell phones and fax machines in the modern day 😄

Go about your life. Get your phone out of your hand. Don't be available. Don't reply immediately. He's got you tethered and he's being constantly rewarded because you reply. He knows you're tucked up safe and responding to him. He doesn't have to wonder where you are or who you're seeing. He's not getting a shot of dopamine to hunt you, mate-guard you, impress you or lock you down. You're right there for him. You're reassuring him, you're basically loyal and exclusive to him. This dynamic is already set, anything you do now will be intermittent reinforcement and he'll try harder (Try harder to re-establish sitting on his ass texting you, that is. "Woah a glitch. OK cool my pen pal is back, phew"). Completely block and delete him.

For the next guy, don't allow the dynamic to start. After one date and you want more, be dry and uninteresting over text. Only check your phone when you want to, not to check if he messaged you. Turn notifications off for his number even. Don't salivate when the bell rings.

If he doesn't plan another date, he's not interested or not motivated (LVM). If he keeps monologuing at you, he's a pen pal but isn't looking for a partner. Sounds like this current guy is happy getting emotional support from you and feels secure that this will go on forever. There is no "talking stage" before dating. In his mind, he's decided he wants you as his texting therapist and he gotcha. He's done vetting and courting.

Men pay thousands for this kind of texting service, where women are their sounding board and blank slate, with no needs of their own.

Don't entertain men for free. It's consistent dating or block and delete.

Nonsluttymen · 2022-01-04T21:54:13+00:00

Texting all day, and texting about deep stuff to get to know each other, is kind of a yellow flag. It may possibly be due to covid, it might also be social anxiety, depression, lack of time or laziness, but one of the worst things it might be is a very subtle sign of a personality disorder. This is how narcissists have hooked me in the past, by getting me to “know” them via instant messaging or by text. You can’t see their face when they tell you about themselves, thus you can’t see any micro-expressions or body language cues they may be displaying that hint at dishonesty. Even talking on the phone, narcissists will pretend that something is happening on their end to try to change the subject.

Trying to monopolize your attention all day long from someone you just met might also be interpreted as lovebombing, another narcissist tactic.

I’ve also seen male narcissists just desperate for female attention, looking for “penpals” no matter where they are on the continent. They cannot emotionally self-regulate and they want women to give them their concern and attention for free. It’s also funny how you never see straight guys looking for platonic male penpals on those r4r subreddits.

Video calls are really the next best thing after in-person dates. Establish boundaries that texts shouldn’t be an all day thing. People that text me stupidities all day get muted, anyway. Don’t teach him that he can get your attention whenever he wants for almost no effort, as well.

hiphopanonymous98 · 2022-01-04T20:27:15+00:00

I’d subtly say something like “let me know when I can tell you all about (whatever he asked about) in person” and if he doesn’t catch that hint, I’d be over it. We’re not pen pals.

Title	Is this turning into a texting situationship?
Author	the_wave5
Upvotes	108
Comments	26
Date	January 4, 2022 5:32 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rvztx6/is_this_turning_into_a_texting_situationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/is-this-turning-into-a-texting-situationship.1094627 https://theredarchive.com/post/1094627

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