Background: I am 5’10, skinny and facially average with a recessed jaw. I am a 20 years old almost and am a virgin and never had a relationship.

In 2019 I discovered the blackpill and it ruined my mental health. I believed that to get woman I had to be 6’5, an 8/10 face, display dominance over other men (only possible with a good height and bone mass), have a deep voice. A lot of it definitely seemed true. My observations I always noticed the good looking bad boys having a new gf every month and the nice boys getting led on and flaked and women seeing them as pathetic and repulsive. Sick and depressed of my situation I discovered the redpill and learned that there were ways to behave like a fuckboy. Only issue was that my self esteem was so low that I believed I will never be attractive enough to be a fuckboy and instead should stay alone and give up. Time went on and in September I gave online dating a try. I matched with a very big woman and decided that when I chatted to her it would be a good idea to be myself and show her my affection and compliments even if it was blue pilled. She was also very nice too and told me she was a virgin. For 40 days we talked on FaceTime and I caught feelings. I always behaved like the good guy. She said to me in a few months we would go to a hotel together and she was so caring to me too. I went on a date with her and bought her food, drinks and a cardigan she wanted. She held my hand and gave me a hug. She was very big like I am guessing 400lbs at 5’2. After the date she said thank you for an amazing day but I am not ready for a relationship. I was devastated and immediately joined the gym and played out scenarios in my head as to what happened. I lost sleep and still have been losing sleep a month later. My redpill side has come back and can you blame me. I believe this woman was not a virgin, was already fucking some 6’3 chad and used me for validation and entertainment while her Chad was busy entertaining Becky and leaving this girl on read. She went on a date for the free meal and validation but she always preferred chad over me.

One last comforting blue pill lie she said to me as her final words were: “one day we will reconnect just not now”