I just realized how useless looks are

Environmental-Row979 · 2022-02-04T16:59:41+00:00

Here's the other thing about looks: EVERYONE is attracted to something different.

Is there a serious lack of diversity in terms of what's popularized through various forms of media? Of course there is. Are there certain looks or features that seem to be considered universally attractive? Of course there are. Are those standards rooted ways of thinking long past their expiration date? Absolutely.

But when you get down to actual, normal, real life everyday people just trying to get down and find a little bit of love in this world ... people are attracted to all sorts of different people. And I think if a lot of people could let go of what they feel like they're "supposed to" find attractive or how they're supposed to look in order to be found attractive, they'd all be a lot happier.

So thinking about it that way -- how CAN looks be that important when attractiveness is so subjective?

Hellion_shark · 2022-02-04T16:42:20+00:00

The mentality that looks matter so much, I think, has a lot to do with incels often being young guys, who, on top of their bad social skills, zero emotional intelligence, and average / bellow average looks, are also only interested in significantly above average women, a lot of the time.
Of course, you want to be attracted to your partner, but for that, they don't have to be an idol / supermodel.
That and old people who are stuck in their teenage mentality.

AntiVictimhood · 2022-02-04T17:14:39+00:00

Yes, I very much agree with this.

To add to this, intelligence is not the only trait that increases over time and is highly valuable in relationships.

Having a strong character, a good personality, being caring, nurturing, interesting, a good listener, thoughtful, understanding, supportive, funny etc. are all traits that matter and tend to expand with age. Not to mention that compatibility is also a huge factor.

And as a brief caveat- intelligence is not a universal value that people seek in partners. I had an ex who found me somewhat exhausting because I would always "make shit so abstract" and enjoyed talking about ideas. Assortative mating remains the norm- so intelligence tends to pair best with intelligence and is not going to have the same level appeal to everyone.

But I do agree that on average- these positive character traits are going to be matter more than purely appearance. Especially in a relationship context.

live_long_n_prosper · 2022-02-04T17:19:14+00:00

And also for the girls, if a guy only values looks and is constantly looking for someone hotter and hotter, that's a red flag that he's likely a low empathy individual with bad values, so don't feel bad that he's rejecting you for superficial reasons, your dodging a bullet

ZucchiniElectronic60 · 2022-02-04T16:38:40+00:00

What you've said shows you've got way more to offer than just looks. I wish a lot more young men were able to realize this.

marijuanatubesocks · 2022-02-04T19:15:28+00:00

I guess that makes sense why the “smart kids get bullied” and why it’s cool to act dumb growing up. People realize that and want to drag others intelligence down as to not have to compete with them.

julianbeing · 2022-02-04T17:45:17+00:00

Looks matter on dating apps. The problem is that most guys are only trying their luck there.
One of the guys who has crushed it the most was some mid 30s MBA dude who was overweight, bald, and even had missing teeth. However, he was himself and funny as fuck.

meteorness123 · 2022-02-04T20:08:11+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Gmed66 · 2022-02-04T20:54:10+00:00

It matters if you're interested in attractive women. If not, then not so much.

lunonee · 2022-02-04T20:11:42+00:00

Cope

Gaddammitkyle · 2022-02-04T22:30:02+00:00

I found it has to do with confirmation bias or previous trauma. A lot of Pillgrifters will really hammer in how women are superficial and will choose men from a eugenics standpoint and then settle for men from an opportunistic standpoint. Basically breed with Chad's and the rest of us to raise the kid while he seeds the population.

It really plays on ulterior motives and "mind reading" the women you're around, which is actually a cognitive distortion.

It also falls in line with people only paying attention to girls who put "only 6 ft / only 9 inches / blacks only" on their hookup profiles. Lots of girls dont do that, but ultimately its easier to track those who do.

HeroinBreakfast · 2022-02-05T00:46:35+00:00

This is so fucking brilliant and a huge part of why I chose to pursue an average looking virgin (successfully getting to marriage) over chasing hot girls who been used up.

Hot virgin is the ideal but...ya know, even though I am smart and good looking I had a bad father and that really held me back early on in having confidence and connections. My wife is a lovely person, though, so no loss over the long term.

Title	I just realized how useless looks are
Author	meteorness123
Upvotes	52
Comments	44
Date	February 4, 2022 4:13 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/skh4bb/i_just_realized_how_useless_looks_are/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/i-just-realized-how-useless-looks-are.1099778 https://theredarchive.com/post/1099778

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