Since y’all liked part one here’s more of her wisdom for the girlies who don’t wanna download TikTok 😫

shelballama · 2022-02-25T12:26:50+00:00

"you see how much work you're putting in while the bitch is sitting there.." 😂😂☠️

DrunkCupid · 2022-02-25T13:17:26+00:00

I love her, and two of her topics in this video here stuck with me.

1 Nonchalance

Aggressively Nonchalant "Why are you acting like this?" Or refuse to muster a stance "I Don't have an opinion" "Meh, I don't know" Refuses to answer and stares intently at the wall hoping you will forget his blatant fuck ups and he can get away with not being held accountable instead of answering and addressing the situation like an adult "This isn't the right time, I don't know when it will be ever" or "Can't think about it" =

stonewalling and disrespect, evidence and proof they don't value you. Avoidance is a tool of scared children and I don't tolerate it in adults I am trying to live or work with. I like to believe that Most people who respect themselves don't stand for that kind of passive aggressive evasiveness in their own lives.

Luckily I have built a social system around HV people with integrity, emotional intelligence, and altruism that can rely on me consistently and vice versa

2 DTR

Second term/idea she brought up was setting ground rules when you finally enter a relationship. Unquestionable, written in stone rules about behavior like monogamy, religious hangups, "I'm deathly allergic to peanuts" "I don't feel comfortable going there with you" or "please don't choke me it's not okay with me" for example

She called it: Define the boundaries up front

My previous dorm neighbor down the hall asked once if I had "DTR" it down yet with my "new man" and I had never heard that.

It means to begin by thoroughly and consentually defining the relationship. What do you want, expect and hope for now and later in a personal partnership, bond, and potential lifetime companion? What will you not tolerate? Where do you see this going? It is an uncomfortable conversation for noncommittal or avoidant people. Or pickmes that have fairy tale ideas of romanticism burned in to their psyche.

Everyone has their own ideal relationship in their mind and wiggle room for compromise. It requires actual honesty, communication, vulnerability, accountability, and follow through. That will always scare scrotes off because they know they are incapable of those basic standards of human dignity.

If they can't behave in a consistent manner when you are with them and their friends, or family, or coworkers 🚩 or maybe you want to make it Facebook official, or have him post a picture of your new engagement ring on his insta. I wouldn't, but it's another vetting technique to weed out people who are deceptively noncommittal

If we avoid DTR (Defining The Relationship officially) and holding them accountable to that commitment, they will eventually take your attention, time, and loyalty towards building a relationship for granted and devalue/deny their initial intentions and interests when convenient.

This goes for all genders.

Luckily I haven't had to experience these things and, like most of you, I am in a happy and healthy relationship! Just reminiscing about watching my college friends learn the hard way 👐

Wow, this post got long.. Great content, thank you for sharing!

fancy_tetrahedron · 2022-02-25T13:21:40+00:00

Preach it sis! 👑

Thanks for sharing. I tried downloading tiktok, but all I saw were a bunch of pickmes dancing naked and bending over backwards for male attention, so I deleted it.

Golden--Lady · 2022-02-25T12:56:33+00:00

“Once you get up in the room men have their own rules.” Yes ma’am they do!!

FluffandRainclouds · 2022-02-25T17:19:44+00:00

I mean, I understand what she means about the sexual boundaries, but I think I would only go there if the person was thoroughly vetted and he had a strong history of being consistently respectful/no unsolicited reassurances (red flag)/never hung himself with his own rope (e.g. talking about how much he loves the booty, which could be a clue he will hound after anal sex). But she is right nonchalance can be very disrespectful and sneaky!

mr_poppers_pangolins · 2022-02-26T03:51:04+00:00

She keep coming back with facts.

I love how she brought up nonchalance. It really just means low effort (men will just label this being "chill"). And woo chile do lvm love to put no effort in when it comes to emotional labor. They are so used to their moms and sisters picking up the slack to articulate men's thoughts and feelings. Every time I find myself becoming doting on an able-bodied dude who ~~can't~~ won't communicate, I remove myself from the situation. There are better things I can do with my time.

SheWasntDead · 2022-02-26T05:20:14+00:00

Had a friend like this. Jumped through hoops for her because she was always so “nonchalant” I had no idea where I stood with her. Couldn’t tell if she loved me or hated me. If our friendship was real or if she thought I was pathetic. Then she would just turn around and ghost me once she got whatever it was she wanted from me, only to pop back up months later. Once I finally established one single boundary with her, she broke it within an hour - an hour! I was done. People are fucked and will use you.

loud_opinions · 2022-02-25T07:52:46+00:00

When she talked about men who say you're acting crazy, but they have nothing to back it up with, I actually have a solution for that and it works every time. This is the way to avoid ALL of that nonsense...

Explain the situation using facts instead of subjective speculations.
Articulate how that situation (note: the situation and the other person are not the same thing. Do not talk about how the other person made you feel.)
Ask only one question and it must be geared towards understanding the other person's perspective.

If a man does these three things when communicating, there's no room for empty statements that waste your time. There's also no room for gaslighting, or other manipulation tactics. If he is incapable of communicating in this way, then he's not ready for a relationship with you.

Resident-Ad7131 · 2022-02-25T07:56:33+00:00

This is honestly all really solid advice

NotThatGirl217 · 2022-02-27T04:01:17+00:00

really needed this video 6.5 years ago !

Title	Since y’all liked part one here’s more of her wisdom for the girlies who don’t wanna download TikTok 😫
Author	suckmypussy143
Upvotes	782
Comments	20
Date	February 25, 2022 6:50 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/t0xg4i/since_yall_liked_part_one_heres_more_of_her/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/since-yall-liked-part-one-heres-more-of-her-wisdom.1103052 https://theredarchive.com/post/1103052

Comments

1 Nonchalance

2 DTR