How to address things w BF without being snarky or passive-aggressive

KombuchaEnema · 2022-04-06T22:14:23+00:00

You will never - never - find the perfect man.

The next guy might follow the sidewalk rule and open doors for you, but he might not commit to you.

The next guy might follow the sidewalk rule and open doors for you and commit to you, but he’s not as hard-working.

Don’t let your hamster-brain screw you out of a loving relationship. This is how women destroy ourselves.

If you really want to follow the sidewalk rule, just say, “Hey, can I move to the other side? I feel safer that way.”

But other than that I feel like you’re nit-picking. I’m sure he could find a million little things about you that he doesn’t like, but he chooses not to focus on them because he’s thinking logically and realizes that no woman will be completely perfect for him.

ledatherockbands_alt · 2022-04-06T23:20:57+00:00

Yeah, the opening your car door and side walk rule… they’re the least important and most arbitrary aspects of traditional relationships.

Those things are like saying “bless you” after a sneeze or wearing a blue mask you’ve used 1,000 times. They add 0 value and they’re only done so that some grandma doesn’t get angry at you.

If a car jumps the curb, you’re both dead.

Advanced_Bar_673 · 2022-04-07T16:20:03+00:00

Don't trip over dollars to pick up pennies.

This man (assuming you have great sexual chemistry too), is a keeper.

Simply switch sides and, with girlish-flare in a cute voice, proclaim "This is my side! I feel so safe here." Then snuggle his arm and give him a compliment and smile. He will likely place you at that side in perpetuity as it becomes "natural" and rewarding to him. (Positive reinforcement)

Before nit- picking, ask yourself if this is worth fussing over for the long-game (happy LTR), and what might be the best/ worst outcome if he reacts negatively.

Ask yourself "Will this add value to our relationship? Or do I just want to get my way, so I feel special?"

X

ladida1321 · 2022-04-06T22:08:00+00:00

I don’t think you should say anything, honestly. It just sounds so nit picky and overly critical.

I have never even heard of the sidewalk rule before- this sounds like something from an episode of The Queen.

If you must I would just casually mention these things but this can backfire… he’s already being very gentlemanly to you- why make it seem like he’s not doing enough or you don’t appreciate what he does do?

How do the pros of criticizing your bf on these things outweigh the cons of just letting it go?

TheBunk_TB · 2022-04-07T21:41:49+00:00

(a) but doesn’t open my car door

Feminists told us that you could open your own car door. Society followed suit

(b) where the man remains on the outside when you’re walking.

Society/feminists said you are equal now. They also said that you can pay attention to your surroundings, have situational awareness. (although they have double standards about drinking, strangers).

It seems to be that you are picking fights and finding reasons to be unhappy. I don't reflect the answers to a+b but it is food for thought. You will be hard pressed to find someone else in certain areas that ticks your boxes.

Terrible set of hills to die on.

AppSlave · 2022-04-07T00:27:07+00:00

Men would walk street side so the girl doesn't splashed by horse drawn carriages. We don't live in that time anymore. In my neighborhood, it's better the other way so the girl doesn't get harassed by crazy barking dogs every other house.

Keyless entry into cars solved the door opening hassle. Plus the door doesn't weigh 300lbs like an old Monte Carlo. You go to the gym, workout, yoga. I little plastic door is easy for the girl to handle on her own.

Catherine772023 · 2022-04-07T08:58:31+00:00

Just write a note (so it doesn’t lead to snarky tones etc) saying you appreciate what he does but it would be really cute if he did certain things.Write to him him you don’t blame him bc he can’t know what you want if you don’t communicate that.

Sign it with love to keep it positive.

Write respectfully.

Hopecreatesmagic · 2022-04-07T09:06:07+00:00

I understand how you feel! If it is really important to you I always think that bringing a message in the ‘I’ way is most important! So instead of saying ‘you never walk on the right side’ you could address the issue like ‘I feel like it is important to me to walk on the other side’. I hope this helps!

Underground-anzac-99 · 2022-04-07T09:47:03+00:00

The sidewalk thing only matters if you’re more likely to have a drive by purse snatching or something. As for the car door… who cares?

The car door part that matters is actually from A Bronx Tale that looks at a woman’s behaviour on a first date.

zaftig_stig · 2022-04-07T17:29:01+00:00

you can try sitting down with him and asking for what you need, and then let him know what it means to you when he does these things. You feel cared for, treasured etc.. That's the 'why' that he'll need to hear.

Men go through a mental equation on whether the the effort is worth it. When he learns it's something that's important to you, he may rise to the occasion.

If you're asking for something that will continue to 'pay dividends' for you, be sure you 'continue' with expressing your gratitude!

zaftig_stig · 2022-04-07T17:32:53+00:00

Also came back to add, have you heard of Alison Armstrong? She explains what a Great Ask is and lays out a formula of asking something from a man. Obviously we all speak the same language but some words have different meanings between the sexes.

for instance, women tend to prefer to use the work 'issue' instead of 'problem'. But men find the word 'issue ' esoteric whereas 'problem' is something that is concrete to and they can understand more easily.

There's another really cool thing I picked up from her. Using this sentence with your SO.

I feel loved when you __________________. I show you love by _____________________.

i.e. I feel loved when you kill spiders for me without complaint and I show you love by cooking your favorite foods.

Often times they way we show love to a SO, they don't realize that's what we mean by our actions. Or it's something that doesn't communicate as love to them.

For birthdays or Christmas I would sometime splurge on high quality underwear and undershirts for him. I was so surprised by his DELIGHT when he realized what it was. He said he HATED buying that stuff and really appreciated me doing it for him and getting nice stuff also. It was no big deal to me, but he'd be thrilled.

Title	How to address things w BF without being snarky or passive-aggressive
Author	kotaclove
Upvotes	1
Comments	14
Date	April 6, 2022 9:44 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/txx4ka/how_to_address_things_w_bf_without_being_snarky/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-address-things-w-bf-without-being-snarky-or.1110994 https://theredarchive.com/post/1110994

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