I had my final divorce hearing today

2022-04-19T15:50:52+00:00

I hear you and I’m sorry for your loss. When my divorce finalized, it was also done online via Zoom. It was over in like 15 minutes of me and my ex verbally agreeing to legally obliterate the foreign marriage and when we hung up, I cried so much later on because.. despite the entire marriage and relationship being toxic and abusive and violent, it was still a bond. A trauma bond, of course, but I spent the majority of my 20s with this man. He watched me change and grow, so it’s hard to just be without someone after being with them for so long.

Take the time to grieve. Do a little funeral and burn the letters he gave you for cleansing. I actually burned our marriage certificate and it felt freeing.

iheartnoodlez · 2022-04-19T14:50:43+00:00

Congrats! And also, sorry for your loss. Moving forward, growing up, leveling up, choosing better for ourselves is often a mix of emotions, doesn't mean it wasn't the right move. Sounds like you are reflecting and letting yourself feel, good on you for that.

Maybe you should celebrate? Maybe you need to throw something out? Maybe you need to burn a piece of paper with all your fears on it? Whatever it is, make the symbolism yours and meaningful to you. You deserve to remember difficult choices fondly so you can look back and be proud of yourself; I'm proud of you too, sis.

huevos_and_whiskey · 2022-04-19T16:57:58+00:00

Hey everyone, I’m feeling pretty tapped out, but your support is wonderful! If I didn’t reply directly to your comment, please know I do appreciate you and at least one of those upvotes is mine. 💖💖💖 Sparkly hearts to all of you, because I love my sparkly hearts and will never stop using them, and I love all of you supportive ladies here at FDS!

chainsawbobcat · 2022-04-19T16:02:27+00:00

I get this very much. 2 years after my separation (we have a kid) and I still grieve. Let yourself feel your feelings, it's incredibly dissaponting. It doesn't feel good it feels sad and it's a bummer, that's ok. You don't have to be happy right now, you know that over all/eventually this will allow you to be happier but it's totally normal that you don't feel any joy about it. Besides being emotionally taxing going through the actual divorce, don't forget that you married this person originally thinking you give the one. It's really shitty and exhausting to go through the painful realization that nope, not who you thought. It's taxing to accept this, to face it head on and to decide to do something about it. To manage your work and friends and house all the while getting a divorce. So, it's ok. It's OK, just feel your feelings. Maybe you guys need to cry and yell - do it. Fuck the whole situation, fuck him for not being better for you. Feel it, release it, and don't worry about what you should be feeling. You may go back and forth between happiness grief and emptiness. It's all ok

TMac0601 · 2022-04-19T15:28:12+00:00

I also divorced during the pandemic, and outside of my home country. Now I celebrate my Divorce-iversary.

WaitWaitHeart · 2022-04-19T15:36:46+00:00

Thank you for sharing your divorce story. If it is okay, can you share how did you went about processing the break down of the marriage? my friend just called me last night that she found evidence on her husband's phone that he cheated on her....again. I am the first person who has told so far. Her parents are going through health issues and her sister is helping them. She doesn't want to burden them. She wants to work on the marriage. What can I say to help her? She doesn't seem open to the idea of seeing a therapist. it maybe partly because her husband said he is seeing a therapist after getting the caught the first time and said he needed to figure out what he wanted.

WafflesTheDuck · 2022-04-19T18:02:26+00:00

Long anticipated moments are always anticlimactic.

I used to chase that feeling after some struggles but I found another more amazing feeling that I didn't know existed until recently.

Contentment

It's so much better. You're almost there. You'll experience the sun coming out through the window and it hits your face. And you take a deep breath.

And suddenly, you feel it. Content. No excitement, fast heart rate or anticipation.

You just are.

And it sometimes a cute little bug lands on your arm or a singing bird is there. That's next level shit right there.

2022-04-19T15:51:01+00:00

Going through marital demise and divorce goes through the whole spectrum of emotions. Sometimes there are celebratory moments, and sometimes it is time to grieve what could have been. I am over 5 years out from having enough of his infidelity and addiction and over two years out from divorce finalization. The grief gradually becomes less intense over time.

barbedwiredaisycrown · 2022-04-19T16:13:09+00:00

You're here now and that's what matters. Congratulations queen! 🎊

missdanielleyy · 2022-04-19T16:54:34+00:00

My divorce hearing was the same :/ just be glad it’s over

Keepers12345 · 2022-04-20T05:26:59+00:00

Yay!!! Sending you all of the best, luxurious, abundant, and sweetest blessings for a happily ever after today and all the days of your now new life 💖💖💖

Erocitnam · 2022-04-19T23:06:51+00:00

it just feels like there should have been more finality to it, but the rest of the day is just another day. Part of me wants to celebrate being free

Throw a party? Maybe a small one with close friends who will understand if you cry. You should get a cake and decorate or something. (I like blowing up a bunch of balloons and leaving them on the floor, to drift and tumble around, if you're taking suggestions...) If it feels too momentous to just slip by as another day, then commemorate it somehow!

Alternately you could do something by yourself. Treat yourself to something you like and write down what you'd like to say about the occassion, and read it out loud to a candlelit room. Or the sunset. Or whatever feels satisfying to you. I'd be drawn to closing/ending motifs myself

huevos_and_whiskey · 2022-04-22T09:03:00+00:00

It’s okay to grieve. That’s a completely normal and expected reaction. I’m sure I don’t need to remind you, that what you’re grieving for is the idea of what could have been if your ex wasn’t your ex (a piece of shit who treated you terribly.)

You’ve got your power back now. You can still feel nostalgic and melancholic. That’s part of healing. You process it, feel those confusing feelings and move onto something else. Before long it’ll hit you that you literally never think about him anymore, and you’re so much happier now that the benefits of leaving your ex are beginning to come to fruition.

If all else fails, I read about antisocial personality disorder, psychopaths, narcissists, and that always does the trick. I don’t miss him. I miss who he showed me he was in the beginning. He was showing me, me, by mirroring me. None of it was real, but regardless, I am real.

UrFriendlySuccubus · 2022-06-07T21:28:06+00:00

Same happened to me in January. I was so anxious to see that asshole again over zoom but it was over in 15 mins. Totally relieved but somehow I still felt weird that a long time of a relationship/marriage was over that long. Oh well lol

Mysterious-Gap-4695 · 2022-07-01T13:50:41+00:00

how’s it going for ya now?

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