Anyone else worried about the state of “love” today?

Tidoooo · 2022-04-17T04:08:40+00:00

The age of social media has ruined the idea of relationships. People are not content anymore as they have a false belief in there is someone better than what they have. The swipe left or right world. Humans are turned into products. Always looking for next best thing.

I can sense by the way things are heading and it’s only going to get worse but we hope for the best.

Also I noticed as sex has become the trend which means society as a whole is focusing too much on instant gratification than real formidable bond.

SunshineSundress · 2022-04-17T04:52:29+00:00

In a world full of assholes and non-commitals, the only thing you can really change is yourself.

We often look at these failing/failed relationships with rose-tinted glasses as outsiders who have no idea what circumstances led to those outcomes. We don’t see the reoccurring problems in their relationship that led to those women losing attraction for their fiancés and husbands. We don’t see the red flags, that would eventually boil down to infidelity and mental illness, being ignored in the early vetting days. We don’t see the problematic behavior that may have caused their partners to lose their devotion. All we see is a seemingly happy relationship that failed out of nowhere.

One of the biggest lessons I learned from RPW was that I was the only common denominator in all the failed relationships I found myself in. Personally, I realized that I wasn’t giving men what they valued most (femininity and warmth) while expecting the world in return. I also realized that I was terrible at vetting and ended up too attached to men who did not want to be in relationships with me or with men I didn’t respect enough to make a relationship work.

It took a major overhaul of my outlook on life and dating, as well as an actual effort to improve what I bring to the table. It also took a much deeper understanding of how men and women work, even if they contain uncomfortable truths. This took months, maybe over a year before I went back to the dating scene. It took many more months of looking and vetting for a worthwhile man. Eventually, I found a very fulfilling relationship with a man who I still feel like is way out of my league and makes me feel loved and cherished. But I had to stop blaming the state of the world first, and look inwards, to get here.

(And the next time some guy who lacks social graces tells you how you should have sex with him before you even meet him, realize that he’s just incompatible with you and move on. Or examine your pictures and profile to see if you’re sending an unwanted message. Or if you really can’t help but take it personally (but really, you shouldn’t), try to use an app more geared towards relationships like OkCupid or Hinge or Coffee Meets Bagel. Or try to meet someone in person instead.)

KombuchaEnema · 2022-04-17T10:54:41+00:00

Hookup culture bleeds into the world of monogamy. Why stay with your partner and work on your problems when there’s constant unfiltered access to different partners and no social stigma associated with hedonism?

When you’re unhappy in your current relationship, that’s when you’re most susceptible to the honeymoon phase of someone new. You’re actively comparing them to an unhappy relationship which puts the new person in an inaccurate good light. You only find out the new person isn’t so great after you’ve already left your current partner.

But a lot of people are genuinely too stupid to realize that. They follow every little whim they have and can’t look into the future or critically analyze their own actions.

We see this with people who cheat on their partners and then end up regretting it later when their affair partner turns out to be a POS. Oh, really? The guy who was willing to sleep with a married woman turned out to be using you and now he’s cheating on you with someone else? And you’re surprised by that?

But it’s true. People can’t see red flags when they’re in the honeymoon phase.

Now, we have the added effect of women being praised when they sleep around. You’re a boss babe, you do you, go dye your hair and sleep with tons of different dudes, hot girl summer, get your man, girl. These are the same women who are perpetually depressed and can’t figure out why.

alien_eater289 · 2022-04-17T09:58:59+00:00

I’m just a woman in my 20s, but I think something a lot of people don’t realize is that love is a choice. You fall for someone, everything is amazing, and eventually you get comfortable and that brightly burning flame of passion starts to dwindle. People see that as “falling out of love.” But its then that you have to actively choose your partner, every single day. My husband and I have been together for seven years, we just got married a few months ago. During the course of our relationship, we’ve hit some serious rough patches that almost broke us up, but each time, we chose each other. When my husband proposed, he said that to me in a letter he wrote…that we’ve been through so much chaos, but each time it just reaffirms our love and we choose each other and work through it. I think people maybe don’t understand that. And its hard sometimes. Movies and tv make it look easy, but it’s not. Life is tough in general. Making a relationship work throughout all of life’s craziness is even tougher…but with the right person it’s worth it.

hahastopjk · 2022-04-17T14:27:20+00:00

I honestly used to think very similarly and had a very cynical viewpoint of dating and love. It’s probably going to sound really hippydippy, but even with all the new things of today I don’t think now is that much different than before. People were dogs before and they’ll be dogs until the end of time.

What I realized is people who have great relationships are not going to vocalize it as loud as the ones who don’t. For yourself, all you can do is know what you want, cut off men quickly who don’t meet your standards, and seriously don’t fall into the trap of low key hating men. So many things in popular culture are anti men it’s easy to make that mentality your default. Not to pick at you, but the bumble guy is a good example. Does having a sexual conversation on a dating app really make a guy “bad”?

saddensgirl · 2022-04-17T05:05:59+00:00

I don't think things have gotten worse per say, since cheating and trading up partners has been around since well... Forever. However, I think the rise of casualness has given rise to a IDGAF attitude that people now have.

Before people would try their best to hide their horrible home life in public and put on a united front in public. Women would dream of trading up partners, but wouldn't go through with it because it would ruin them socially and financially. So they had babies by Chad and passed it off as their husbands offspring. And wealthier men had mistresses galore, but because most women had enough pride not to be out loud and proud about premarital sex. Therefore sex outside of marriage either had to be bought at a brothel or required the man to actually court a woman before she would become his mistress. And even then, these were usually long term side relationships and not one night stands.

But yeah, I blame the rise in casualness in society. People prefer to roll in the filth of self deprecation and instant gratification than actually putting in the effort to make a relationship last. Courtly love requires a certain level of formality, hook up culture does not.

here4tea-123 · 2022-04-17T15:37:55+00:00

If you look at the state of the world and social media, it has caused people to become insatiable in their relationships. They have preconceived notions that there is better out there and they don’t work on what they currently have. I know this myself bc I used to have that mentality. I met my boyfriend in the past year, and the more we date and better ourselves, the more drawn I’ve grown to church and the familiarity of religion (separated from it after high school). All this to say that I went to church the other day and I think this is where you can find people who still hold values that are not all about themselves. The human need to believe in something bigger than the self helps cement relationships IMO. Try to become godly if you can, and find a partner who is also godly. I think that’s your best best.

JD1386 · 2022-04-17T10:40:12+00:00

Always been like this. However, in the past, stronger families, communities and churches kept couples together. It wasn’t love keeping them together; it was social pressure. The internet changed everything (commerce, politics, relationships etc.). The societal social contract and laws for relationships hasn’t caught up yet. What was once called long term commitment is now transactional. We’re moving to a new world where people connect for few year increments. This has implications for children. Interesting time to be a sociologist.

alcockell · 2022-04-17T06:10:05+00:00

Would it be permitted to suggest that some of us can only run integrated love and sexual desire? And the feelings cannot be separated out?

Rook_Cross · 2022-04-17T15:55:17+00:00

I think you have these two extremes. People say they know the romantic fairytale is a myth but still hope for it and see it on social media vs. people being disposable, for sexual pleasure/status and they see that on social media too. They go back and forth between these two extremes in their minds now and then for fear of missing out and just whenever they're unhappy they wonder. People are also more narcissistic and entitled nowadays and it means they have trouble doing what needs to be done to make a relationship work. This I would say is the majority of people, some married, some not, who will struggle with whatever path they choose. but, healthy people, mentally balanced people. They still exist, are happy and are getting and staying married and love each other and raise families. You just have to find and be one of these people. That means letting go of a lot of superficial expectations and working on oneself though.

Title	Anyone else worried about the state of “love” today?
Author	slimcaitie
Upvotes	69
Comments	20
Date	April 17, 2022 3:55 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/u5esnh/anyone_else_worried_about_the_state_of_love_today/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/anyone-else-worried-about-the-state-of-love-today.1112352 https://theredarchive.com/post/1112352

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