Has redpill made you look at female friends as a waste of time?

DocGlabella · 2022-05-12T23:15:08+00:00

Two bits of advice:

1) Don't go into female friendships expecting "sex and relationships" to grow out of it. That's not a friendship. That's waiting to get laid.

2) Don't be friends with assholes. If someone's hitting you or being unkind to you, you don't have to let them "get away with it." If you aren't getting the same things out of it that you get out of friendships with guys (some sort of fun and companionship but presumably no sex), just call it off and walk. They didn't get away with anything. They lost their friend.

strangestacorns · 2022-05-13T00:13:34+00:00

I'm really sorry for what you went through in the past -- unfortunately there are a lot of a-holes out there, male and female, who think nothing of using decent people for their own selfish ends. It makes sense that your experiences have had a lasting effect on you and continue to influence your thinking in the present. The main thing is that you've identified the problems with your mindset and have a desire to change it. That's commendable in itself (a lot of people lack the courage and introspection necessary to reevaluate their own positions). It's also a good starting point from which to change your habits over time, but it does take time to un-learn certain toxic thought patterns, so please be patient with yourself!

Friendships with women are great and can often be more fulfilling than friendships with guys tbh -- i think women often pursue a deeper level of emotional intimacy and show affection more openly than a lot of men. In the long term I think female friends could well enrich your life and help you to change your perspective on women. Sex and romance are great but there's a lot more to being human, like close friendships, which might actually do more to increase your happiness than a partner could!

Some tips for getting to know women platonically:

You already know this one, but do your best not to view women as sexual prospects or physical spectacles, especially if you're in a situation where you're trying to befriend a woman.
That means you should try as far as possible to ignore her appearance (clothes, figure, etc.). If you find yourself e.g. envisioning sex with her or fixating on a particular part of her body, try to redirect your attention to the conversation or her non-sexual features (e.g. bag, shoes, scarf, etc.).
Even if you're only looking for friendship, don't approach a woman if she's listening to music or reading a book. Chances are she doesn't want to be disturbed by strangers. Also never ask a woman what book she's reading (unfortunately skeezy guys have ruined that line for everyone else lol).
Forget trying to impress the woman, forget moves, forget coming up with ways to get her into bed.
Focus on what she is saying and try to understand her as a fellow human being. Also ask questions.
Remember that each woman is an individual person, and try to forget sexist generalisations about "females". There are like 4 billion of us on earth so there's definitely a bit of variation in there!
Some women aren't even attracted to men. Maybe you'd find it easier just being friends if you knew the woman would 100 percent never let you smash.
It might also be easier to pursue friendships with women you don't find physically attractive.
Try not to feel too intimidated. Women really aren't that different from men; we all have most of the same hopes, fears, desires, physical complaints, secrets, emotions, etc.
Basically just approach the woman like you would a potential male friend.

A lot of this applies to forming romantic connections as well as platonic -- but try to go into this without expectations of a relationship or sexual encounter.

Hope this helped :) Good luck!

coffeetablestain · 2022-05-13T05:16:43+00:00

Redpill is like a friend constantly reminding me of my past trauma and telling me how to avoid it.

Do you think this is healthy though? Is it serving you well? I'm sure you've avoided being bullied by girls, but how long ago was that? How often do you have to worry about being a defenseless kid against other mean kids?

Are you having fulfilled relationships? Are you happy? Or do you find yourself actively on-edge and tense and anxious around women? Are you condemning yourself to a life of never feeling relaxed and normal around women?

Do you ONLY see instances of people in bad relationships or do you let yourself see other kinds of relationships that people have?

Is the constant friend whispering in your ear making you stronger, or making you hide inside yourself and not get to experience a normal life like many, many other people get to have?

Carloverguy20 · 2022-05-13T00:43:39+00:00

It made me feel like that I'm doing the wrong thing by being friends with girls that im not doing anything with. They made me feel guilty about getting along with women platonically.

Technusgirl · 2022-05-13T03:39:54+00:00

If someone is abusive to you, they are not a friend and you should stop talking to them or interacting with them. This isn't a gender thing, but a common sense thing. I would never be friends with an abusive person. If you think the goal of having a female friend is getting sex, then you still have the wrong view about sex and women. Sex is not a transactional thing unless you're hiring a prostitute. What's wrong with just having female friends for the sake of just having friends? You can have female friends and date other women.

Sad_Quote_3415 · 2022-05-13T10:46:16+00:00

In my opinion, most women know when a guy is getting close to her just bc they want sex or a relationship. This is something all women I know despise bc 1. Women don't owe men anything, they don't owe them their time, their affection or a relationship. 2. There's no such thing as a friendzone as so many ppl like to call it. That is a form of grooming bc the man knew from the start he didn't wanna be just friends and he lies and manipulates his way into a woman's life so later on he can attempt to persuade her into dating him. Many times men don't take no for an answer, they are persistent. So many women try not to show any affection towards them so the guy don't feel led on bc that for sure backfires on women later on. Women are either very cautious or very rude around these types of men in my experience, bc of self preservation.

That being said, this is a very common speech in the redpill bc it basically tells men this strategy of "getting women" is useless and you should go for an easier one. The redpill does not believe in friendship between men and women bc they think of women as property, objects or fantasies. They do not think of women as human beings, much less on the same level as men. Without that basics how do you expect to have healthy platonic relationships with women. It's not normal to always expect something in return from a friend, you do things for them and with them bc you like them and care about them. But when you don't consider women as humans, and only see them as sexual objects, then you cannot see value in friendships with women.

Toxic or abusive friendships or relationships will exist regardless of gender. It's 100% ok to cut off friends who are toxic from your life. And there's help when you see yourself in abusive relationships. The core issue imo is understanding and internalizing that women are human, not some type of mystical creatures They should never be idealized, put on pedestals, treated like objects or like property.

julianbeing · 2022-05-13T08:50:02+00:00

There are rewarding friendships among males and females. If you are expecting to get your D wet from a friendship than that's on you.

Also, people of all genders can be jerks. I am sure you've been mistreated by a male friend before. Your conclusions just show that you still got all the RP bullshit internalized.

-Faoladh- · 2022-05-13T12:44:25+00:00

Well done for recognising g this is a toxic mindset and the possibility that people can indeed have meaningful friendships with women, however I also want to say I’m really sorry for what you went through as a kid. I was relentlessly bullied for being weird and a nerd (I’m autistic and was in gifted classes, had zero friends). Children can be really cruel. Also, it makes you feel any better I’ve been with fat guys. Actually one of the guys I got most emotionally hung up on was a fat comic book nerd who ended our FWB thing because he also started catching feelings and panicked. It’s one thing to not expect a female friend to give you sex or always be nice to you but if the girl in the situation is actively being abusing and leveraging her gender as a way of getting you to do things for her regardless of how little reciprocation you get (even at a totally platonic level) it’s not fair and I think you should tell your friend to have a conversation with this girl about being a bit more respectful, because respect should go both ways.

And if it helps for understand, as frustrated and devalued as you feel by women NoT sleeping with you, a lot of women basically hate men because they’ve been used and abused sexually (I mean seriously degraded, seriously traumatised even permanently physically damaged, I can’t even use the bathroom normally anymore before I’m 30) told that’s all they’re good for, but if you give up sex you are a dirty nasty whore etc. In day to day interactions men are generally afraid women will make them look bad, women are generally afraid of being raped and murdered.

That doesn’t mean that girl can be a cunt to a guy totally unsolicited though

SnooLentils3008 · 2022-05-13T12:54:05+00:00

Idk I didnt really have many platonic female friends. Usually the only ones I had were interested in me to some degree. I can think of two that I did have, but I think both of those may have started with some interest although maybe not, but it did seem that way for a while.

And I did have plenty of female friends but most of whom were more like friends of friends I guess, or I was part of the same group. I'm talking about friends that like would hang out one on one or talk on the phone or go make plans together. Or that really knew much about me. I can only really think of those two, although I probably had more female friends than male in total now that I think about it, but thats because I'd stay friends with an ex a lot of the time or something along those lines so it didn't start platonic

Now after a few years of isolating to work on myself I dont even really know what I have for friends. I'd actually like a platonic female friend though for sure. Honestly I'd rather have some good quality friendships than a relationship, I feel like thats been harder to find throughout my life

mammajess · 2022-05-13T09:26:24+00:00

They hit you??? That's so terrible :*(

Drougen · 2022-05-13T12:24:41+00:00

Nah, they mostly have done that themselves. I rarely keep in touch with my female friends and it's not from not reaching out, not saying it negatively either.

heytheredelilah91 · 2022-05-15T15:38:54+00:00

"Free attention" can you elaborate on this please? What's wrong with attention and why should it not be free?

imtooshortt · 2022-05-13T06:51:06+00:00

Don't get this under redpill. You're on the right track. If they hurt you once, they'll probably always do it. Try not to be as candid as possible. Women try to use all kinds of objects/living things/beings around them for their own benefit, you have already noticed this. And like I said, don't do it under redpill, let it be a policy of your own choosing. Also, be wary of women's wishes. If you don't want them to use you, they can't use you bro.

xvszero · 2022-05-13T16:49:57+00:00

The thing is, you're conflating two things... 1. friends, 2. women you want to become your lover. SOMETIMES those can be the same if you were truly friends first and it just develops that way, but that isn't really what is happening here. You're going into this looking for a lover. So it makes no sense to say they were your friends, that isn't really how you felt.

If you want to be open to female friends you have to actually be open to female friends. Just make friends with women, whether you have romantic interest in them or not. Maybe especially if you DON'T, if you're truly just looking for friends.

And then it will be easier to not be a pushover or let people abuse you, because you won't be uh... for lack of a better term... "simping" for them. Since you're not trying to get anything more than a friendship at that point, it'll be easier for you to say "fuck this, I deserve better in a friend" and walk away.

Title	Has redpill made you look at female friends as a waste of time?
Author	ListNo9585
Upvotes	16
Comments	24
Date	May 12, 2022 11:01 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/uodpyv/has_redpill_made_you_look_at_female_friends_as_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/has-redpill-made-you-look-at-female-friends-as-a.1114441 https://theredarchive.com/post/1114441

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