I (43M) am in the final stages of a divorce with my wife (38F) and she seems to be dragging her feet on approving our final draft or our divorce paperwork. We are very amicable for the most part. Our daily interactions are very superficial lately which is to be expected I guess.... we've never been through this before. We've had a dead bedroom for the past 7+ years which I understand now started with poor communication between the 2 of us that led to resentment. I was an angry/frustrated spouse for the first couple of years because our relationship she seemed to be acting out a game of "don't rock the boat" and avoiding tough conversations about our newborn, her post partum depression, sex, our overall intimacy levels and my career demands. I didn't know how to handle the stress of a new career with high demands and would work almost every day and I would often be stressed and tired at the end of the day. Ultimately I have apologized for my behavior and have corrected it. I asked her to go to individual and couples counseling, which we did for a little while until her job got busy and then counseling went to the bottom of the priority list right when she was starting to understand why she avoids confrontations and her aversion to sex and intimacy.

I sat in limbo for most of last year waiting to see if our dynamic would change. I tried to talk to her about our issues... I even begged her to yell and scream at me if that was the only way she could let me inside her head, but nothing... At the beginning of 2022, I told her that I couldn't stay in a relationship that was not willing to change to be healthier for the both of us. Mornings are rough for me lately because I lay awake early and still can't believe that we are going to finish our process and not have ONE meaningful conversation. I have started to GREY ROCK because she doesn't get to see me hurting anymore. I am working out, eating better, reading again and prioritizing my relationship with my child and my career. I keep working on what I can control and the rest is out of my hands.

I'm going to be okay even though I thought my life was going to be unfulfilling and incomplete. I KNOW I contributed to our relationship failing and I think I understand now that I lost my personal IDENTITY to try and be a better spouse. I set up covert contracts and GAVE to GET (no more mr nice guy stuff) where I did all sorts of things around the house, gave her whatever she wanted monetarily... none of that made her change her opinion of me and certainly did not lead to any more intimacy. I KNOW I am not perfect, but I do know that I deserve a partner that is willing to be vulnerable enough to fight to improve a marriage rather than avoid all the tough stuff to keep the peace. I'm not looking for advice here guys, I just wanted to share my version of what we are all going through to show those of you just starting out on your journey. Your life will get better ONLY IF YOU WANT IT TO! Grieve for awhile, but don't stay in that state of mind.

You aren't dead yet, get up and show everyone.