Young men's experiences of abuse in couple relationships

iainmf · 2022-05-25T07:27:42+00:00

I have approved this post.

ispypathology · 2022-05-31T09:25:32+00:00

Well, first, when a woman complains, she is a victim. When a man complains, he is a mysoginist.

That about sums it up.

This is my life experience dating as a young man.

False accusations of any kind, by women, is a rampant problem in young couples.

Amber Heard is not unique. She's the expectation.

False accusations, mostly don't make it to court. This is due to false accusations being a gaslighting behavior. A quick and easy way to harm someone else. However, going to court, is not quick or easy.

Amber heard gossiped to some people, they spread the information, then word got out and led to a court trial.

This is how most false accusations, make their way to court.

I explain this to my parents, and they don't get it. Their cohort, is completely different, than my own. #metoo has handed every woman a metaphorical, loaded gun, with no background checks. Like all power, it will be abused. It is being abused, by the newer and younger generations of women.

False accusations, is just as damaging, as the actual problems one is being accused of. I'm in my twenties, I don't smoke or drink alcohol, ive chosen not to have sex till after marriage, I have a college education.

I entered and exited the dating world. With no desire to be sexually active with real women. Porn is safe and fun, and real women are a potential life changing catastrophe.

tenchineuro · 2022-05-24T21:05:42+00:00

Just to be sure, Rule 13 says all researchers must get mod approval.

If you have it, editing the post and mentioning it might be a good idea.

Kyushu18 · 2022-05-31T17:14:41+00:00

I have.

It wasn't physical but it was Heavy psychological

My clothes weren't good enough and my friends were never good enough.

Almost everything I did annoyed her if it wasn't with what she wanted

I was called every single emasculating term under the sun.

I still have anxiety and trust issues from it

oncothrow · 2022-06-01T01:40:36+00:00

Outside the age range, or else I would apply. And the answer is definitively yes.

Our counsellor literally said to me time in an individual session that "If you inflicted these behaviours on her, nobody would question that it was abuse. Why are you doubting it because it's happening to you?"

Opened my eyes. And before anyone suggests otherwise, our counsellor was a woman as well.

Affectionate_Bison79 · 2022-06-02T11:13:26+00:00

I was in a physically, emotionally and verbally abusive woman in marriage. I left her Jan of 2019 and she is still begging me to give her a second chance. She was so in love she is willing to die alone waiting for me yet she couldn't stop herself from becoming a monster. I am now a solitary wolf living my dream living with my dog. But some pain is still there, didn't know sometimes healing can take over 3 years... I left her the day she attacked me with a knife because In her dream I was flirting with someone. It's sad because I was deeply in love with her.

Alarming_Draw · 2022-06-02T18:58:39+00:00

Not ONE man who has dated women has escaped at least verbal abuse. Its just that we put up with it. We have had to, because nobody believed us, and when they did, nobody cared. We have to start reporting all forms of abuse, even if we get ignored-we then have to publicly report authorities that tried to ignore us. This is the only way we can kick up enough noise to change things and get attention.

EngineeringCalm1893 · 2022-06-05T16:31:14+00:00

Aleksandra, please let them know that they can volunteer even if they're not a 'perfect victim' or if their abuser was not a 'perfect abuser.'

Aleksandra was happy to interview me in spite of the fact that my abuser was far from the 'perfect abuser.'

However emotionally and sexually abusive my first wife was, she never threatened my physical safety nor did she ever threaten to make a false accusation against me.
However selfish my first wife was, she never gave me the impression of malicious intent. She was struggling through a refugee hearing presided by an incompetent immigration judge, noticed the vulnerability in me, and so latched onto me to protect herself from being sent back to a war zone, so she was an abuser one could even sympathize with to a degree.
She probably didn't even know how much she was hurting me at least initially. Though she knew that I was clearly resisting and that she was pressuring me to do things I didn't want to do, she probably could not have seen the anxiety and even sheer terror behind my poker face until at least a few months later as I started to become suicidal and she escalated to threats of self-harm to control me.
She even expressed some remorse towards me by the end of the marriage.

Aleksandra was happy to interview me evefn though I was far from the perfect victim myself.

I sometimes reacted inappropriately to her abusive behaviour. In the midst of an anxiety attack, I'd initially made unwanted sexual advances towards her in the false belief that that would scare her into letting me leave. She'd gently resist with her hands which I'd immediately take as my queue to leave, to which she'd respond by pressuring to stay again.

Only after she started to make unwanted sexual advances towards me around a week later did I stop doing so to her as I realized what a big mistake I'd made.

I also yelled at her at least twice, once over the phone and once to her face, near the end of the marriage.

Following a few suicide attempts and a divorce, I briefly struggled with alcoholism for a few months and, following that, sexual addiction for quite a few years afterwards.

shit-zen-giggles · 2022-05-25T05:13:24+00:00

Aleksandra,

first and foremost: Thank you for your work on this important yet understudied topic. Keep up it up 👍

I'm inclined to believe that this is a genuine request and not meant to misrepresent the MRM or anything like that. Please message the mods. Most likely they will let this stay up, even if you haven't requested permission prior to posting it. Below is the corresponding rule from the sub's list of rules for your consideration.

13. Researchers must contact the mods

Researchers must contact the mods before posting.

In the past, some surveys have either misrepresented us or have been flooded by false responses. So we'd like to be sure that the research is genuine.

You can message the moderators at https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/MensRights

hunglikewatchbattery · 2022-06-04T06:26:54+00:00

My first two girlfriends were very emotionally abusive to me. I still have PTSD from it.

EngineeringCalm1893 · 2022-06-05T12:45:42+00:00

She's already interviewed me and she's quite kind, friendly, and compassionate.

4y3u · 2022-06-06T01:35:22+00:00

Thank you for bringing up this important, but often overlooked topic.

From around age 20 onwards for around 10 years I have been through some strong physical abuse for around 10 years from my ex girlfriend, which even brought me into the emergency room. It was quite difficult to leave, especially as a male. But finally I was able to leave with the help of an NGO and shelter specifically for men. I now help out a little at the same organisation.

I am happy to help you learn more on this topic from my own experience and can also get you in touch with a support network for men, send me a message if you like.

also, perhaps you can post the same question in domesticviolence and abusiverelationship subs.

Title	Young men's experiences of abuse in couple relationships
Author	Aleksandra997
Upvotes	282
Comments	40
Date	May 24, 2022 8:20 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/ux01it/young_mens_experiences_of_abuse_in_couple/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/young-mens-experiences-of-abuse-in-couple.1118682 https://theredarchive.com/post/1118682

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13. Researchers must contact the mods