Hey guys. Long time lurker first time poster. Just wanted to ask how to get all this started. A little about my situation.
I (33m) married my high school sweetheart (31f) in 2018 after 10 years of off and on dating. Everything was good.

And here is when the bashing is about to start.

2020 COViD happens, I find out about an affair in October. We try to reconcile. In December my father figure passes away due to COViD. Wife stays until all of that is done with. After this time my wife stays away from the house and wants nothing to do with me. In June we plan a trip and I find out about another affair. I leave the trip early. Please keep in mind my brain is mush after two traumas back to back. I feel broken mentally and just worry about work and day to day life. During this year wife is maybe around 4 months throughout the year. Never around for more than two weeks at a time.

Now 2022 wife has been around 3 weeks maybe. So yes I know divorce is happening.

I guess my question is do I just file and get along with everything or do I tell her first beforehand.

My father figure owned a company and thank goodness the trust has not been figured out yet as of today. There is some inheritance involved.

I’m just trying to get things done and move one with my life. But don’t know where to start.

I have talked to a few lawyers and they all have said talk to the wife first but I just don’t seem to agree with that as this has been a dead marriage for almost two years.

Just want some tips please. And yes I know I’ve fucked this whole thing up waiting this long.