How exactly is money a huge deal for dating?

xvszero · 2022-11-17T17:24:00+00:00

Well, there are a few things to think about here. I'm guessing you mean straight men with money dating women. If not the answer would be different in some ways.

One is that some women will absolutely be drawn to large amounts of wealth. Not all, probably not most the way red pill dudes think, but definitely some. So it will widen the pool a bit, so to speak. (Though whether your dating life is helped by having wealth obsessed women in it is a whole other question.) And you can see wealth in more ways than just a bank account number. The clothes a person wears, the car they drive, etc. Not to mention some wealthy men will throw a lot of money at the first / early dates, and some women will be into that.

Beyond that though, I think a bigger issue is the ABSENCE of money. Especially once you hit your 30s or so, especially for women looking to start a family, they will want to see financial security. You don't need to be rich, but showing that you can do what it takes to keep your finances secure is an important quality to a lot of women. If you're 30 and in and out of jobs and living off mom's couch, yeah, that will be a turn-off. (I know, I've been there.) It won't make it impossible to date, but it will definitely affect the pool of women interested in you, and unlike women who just want to date rich dudes, this time it makes sense to me. Women want to build a life together, which often involves kids and other expenses, so they often want to find a partner who is up to that, and the quick and dirty way to know that is to just see how they have been doing career / finance-wise so far.

And unfortunately we're now kind of in an economy where it's TOUGH to get by. Most families need two working parents just to try to maintain a simple middle class lifestyle. So yeah. A lot of women want to make sure they're choosing a man up to that task, but also many men are now looking to women's career / finances to make sure they are up to it as well.

For instance, for awhile in my late 20s I was hanging out with this woman also in her late 20s and while I was struggling in my career I still was working towards things, had an underpaid but ok tech job, was heading back to school, etc. She just worked a minimum wage retail job and had no other plans and didn't seem to have any interest in doing anything other than working there until she got married and had kids and became a stay at home mother. Honestly? It was a huge turn off. Didn't pursue it further. Soon after I met the woman who is now my wife. and is also a PhD holding professor. I wasn't looking to get rich or anything but the fact that she had goals and was working towards something was a big turn on to me.

Many women feel similarly. So while most red pill advice is trash, the whole have financial goals and work towards them thing (which existed long before red pill) is pretty good advice.

avotoastisgreat · 2022-11-17T18:48:56+00:00

As a woman, I look for men who are ambitious and goal oriented. I need someone who has a solid career, financial stability, and financial literacy. Usually, men that have these qualities are higher earners, but the amount of money that they make does not matter to me.

I already have all of these things myself, so I do not need a man to provide for me necessarily, but I do want him to match what I bring to the table already. I look for a partner to build a life with, someone who shares my ambitions and goals.

There are definitely women who want men to fully provide for them, but I don't know of any in real life. All of the women in my social circles are fully independent and just want an equal partner to match them.

Catesa · 2022-11-17T18:09:53+00:00

If she wants kids and stay with them until they develop object permanence, you need to earn enough that it is doable.

2022-11-18T00:13:26+00:00

Money has replaced many other values in modern times, primarily the value of provision. Somebody pointed out that there's a minority of women who are obsessed with money, but I wouldn't call that a dating strategy, ie, a genuine attempt to find love and companionship. Gold diggers are transactional. I wouldn't really count them into the dating scene really.

For everybody else though, money is a means to future investments. Women who want to start a family would naturally gravitate towards men who have demonstrated they can at least hold onto their money and provide a good lifestyle. Men might not value a womans financial situation as much BUT they still don't want someone who squanders their hard earned money or puts them into debt. It's not random that a vast majority of fights between couples are about money. A lack of money causes stress, restricts your immediate goals and outlook, and makes the future uncertain. So really, it's not money in itself that is important when finding a partner, it's that not having money can cause a lot of issues with no solution.

AntiVictimhood · 2022-11-17T21:30:30+00:00

There still has to be the initial attraction before anyone gets to learn about your financial status.

Totally agree. There does need to be an initial attraction and money/other assets cannot replace that.

However, finances matter more when considering long term prospects imo. If you're a woman who wants a family and who wants to raise the kids before they can attend school- you need a man who both wants that and can provide for a family. The initial attraction may be there, but if he couldn't support a family on his income for at least several years (depending on how many kids the couple wants and how spaced out in age they want the kids to be)- then he's not really a long term prospect if he makes a minimal income with no plans to seek higher paying jobs.

Additionally, as a woman who is 100% financially independent and has a really solid income, I'd want a partner who is at a similar place in life, and who shares my goal-oriented nature and has a similar vision/standard for their life and the kind of comforts they want. I can provide that for myself, and I have a hard time sustaining attraction to men who can't do that for themselves.

But you're correcting in noting that money alone does not make one attractive. I guess the symbols associated with money will intrigue some people though.

Aggravating-Grab-241 · 2022-11-19T01:31:33+00:00

What everyone here needs to understand is that your income level isn’t about your goals or ambitions or anything about you. It’s mostly about what position you were born in. The number one predictor for your income level in life is the zip code you were born in. We don’t live in a meritocracy. There is no meritocracy at all in any way whatsoever. Not even 1% meritocracy.

Most people date other people at their same level.

deityknowsphilosphy · 2022-11-18T15:02:15+00:00

Money directly impacts your life experience. This and the (income status/subsequent ) life experience of your caregivers, shape your beliefs, values, and how you treat others. Finances are unfortunately bound to partnership in a lot of ways but it starts with what you’ve been taught “having money” means”. What bias does it give them ?

Title	How exactly is money a huge deal for dating?
Author	Gmed66
Upvotes	7
Comments	37
Date	November 17, 2022 5:13 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/yxvpl7/how_exactly_is_money_a_huge_deal_for_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/how-exactly-is-money-a-huge-deal-for-dating.1139948 https://theredarchive.com/post/1139948

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