My boyfriend is insecure about one of my past sex partners

RedUzer36 · 2023-01-04T15:53:09+00:00

What exactly is he insecure about?

That you were having sex with a guy who wasn't your boyfriend or is it more specific than that?

Your comment about "I often feel he only cares about my sex value more than anything else" - I'm going to tell you right now, Men put HEAVY value into sex.

The only thing I can think of a Man getting upset or insecure about this whole this is something like, You had more kinky sexual experiences with the other guy than you are willing to experience with him (your BF).

trolltaskforce · 2023-01-04T17:02:24+00:00

Seems like an irreconcilable difference. Not much you can do cause he doesn’t want to admit that it bothers him and nothing can be done about it. Maybe bring this up directly to him and ask him if he thinks you two can move forward, cause otherwise you will have to move on.

SunshineSundress · 2023-01-04T16:41:36+00:00

This seems like one of those things that just mean you two are incompatible with each other. Perhaps you need to have a talk with him, and let him know that as much as you understand that it bothers him, you cannot change your past and that if he cannot accept it, then maybe you two aren’t right for each other.

Because while he is entitled to have whatever preferences about his partner’s sexual history as he wants, it is unproductive for him to hold something you cannot change over your head while still choosing to be with you. On your end, you need to ask yourself: do you really want to be with someone who cannot get over this? You guys have not even been together for one year yet, and you are already having major problems with incompatibility and conflict resolution. The early days are supposed to be the easiest, most enjoyable, smoothest sailing of your entire relationship. If it isn’t, what is going to happen when LIFE actually comes for you? Do you actually think you have a solid enough base to make it through real and unexpected struggles? I think you know the answer.

You don’t have to date an RP-aware man (if he is young, I highly doubt he has the experience and maturity to be out of the anger phase and to have made his peace with how the world works from and RP lens). For all the guys who insist that women have to be virgins or whatever because they watched some weirdo with a microphone and a podcast, there are just as many (ex) frat bros or finance guys (among many others) who couldn’t give a rat’s ass. I’m not even sure if you have a high body count, but if you think you do, here’s a post written by the MALE founder of TRP that lets you know there are actionable things you can do and that it far from “hopeless” and you do not have to put up with men who cannot make their peace with your past.

kittenegg25 · 2023-01-04T20:06:06+00:00

Just emphasize how much of an ugly, stupid, loser the guy is. I think men secretly just want to be reassured this way when they're jealous. Just insult the guy as bad as you can. I mean the guy you slept with, obviously lol.

J_D89 · 2023-01-05T00:35:17+00:00

Why exactly is he hung up on with this one particular guy, and not any other? This seems to be an important detail for him

_Pumpkin_Muffin · 2023-01-04T19:42:18+00:00

He needs to stop asking you details about your previous sexual encounters. You need to stop answering his questions.

He's crafting the very conversations that make him upset, and then guilt-tripping you.

How... mature.

You changed "everything" for him in the last 10 months. In my experience, people who ask you to change this much are rarely satisfied with the end results, and keep moving the finishing line. Something ALWAYS needs changing, and you change, change, change, and it's never enough. It breed contempt and guilt for who you were, and for who you are now. You don't want someone who makes you "a project", you want someone who cherishes you.

ewwitsjessagain · 2023-01-04T16:00:56+00:00

Why did you tell him details about your previous sexual partners? I'm not sure it sounds like he's genuinely interested in YOU. Are you quite a bit younger than he is?

BudgetInteraction811 · 2023-01-04T21:16:35+00:00

This comes up a ton in the relationship advice subreddits, and the same advice is given every time. Your boyfriend has an insecurity over an immutable part of your history (hell, what part of someone’s past can be changed?). He can’t get over it, and that’s his problem alone to deal with. You can change your entire personality, start dressing exclusively in turtlenecks and baggy pants, and let your boyfriend have all your passwords, but that won’t change a thing. Him pressuring you into behaving differently as if you should be ashamed of having a sexual past is his way of controlling you instead of accepting he’s not emotionally developed enough to handle an adult relationship.

He doesn’t need to keep an eye on your 24/7 like you need to be watched, but this type of man is never going to stop behaving this way. He won’t suddenly start allowing you to wear crop tops and go out with the girls on Friday nights. It’s just going to swing the opposite direction, where you will lose more and more of your identity trying to walk on eggshells so as to not trigger your partner’s jealousy issues.

nonameboredman · 2023-01-04T22:07:45+00:00

Man with traditional values here, my personal comment and experience below:

I've changed everything since I met him, I dress differently, I don't talk to men, I don't go out alone with men,

Unfortunately it doesn't matter what you change. This is one of those things to some men that are irreversible. Men with traditional values put the highest values into this. In my case I could never come to terms with it and knew that I could find a woman who hasn't done it so I let her go. I think your options are either ignore it or break up.

breemakin · 2023-01-05T00:24:30+00:00

First of all, you say you changed basically everything about yourself for this guy. Whilst I don’t think that sleeping around is great, you shouldn’t let a man build your personality to suit himself. Eventually, the cracks will begin to show. You should decide who you want to be and how you want to act on your own.

Secondly, he sounds mighty insecure. Of course, it’s 100% his choice if he wants to be with a woman with a low/no body count but he’s chosen to be with you. You can’t go back and unfuck your previous partners so he’s either got to accept that or move on.

He chose to be with you knowing the circumstances and he should not be making you feel bad for his choice.

AutoModerator · 2023-01-04T15:25:05+00:00

Title: My boyfriend is insecure about one of my past sex partners

Full text: I have been with my boyfriend for 10 months, before I met him I was an average girl. I had some thoughts about feminism, was pro choice and didn't care much about marriage and such. He taught me so many things and red pilled me about many topics, including sex. I've had a few sexual partners (single digit number) and I honestly regret it and if I could go back I would never do it again and I would wait. But I can't go back and unfortunately I cannot undo my past as much as I regret it. My boyfriend can't get past of one specific partner I had (the only one that wasn't my boyfriend) and I'm getting desperate about this. I've changed everything since I met him, I dress differently, I don't talk to men, I don't go out alone with men, I'm very helpful and submissive to him but he seems to care about that too much. Yesterday we had a big fight because I often feel he only cares about my sex value more than anything else, including everything I've changed for him and everything I give him. Any advice?

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ghua · 2023-01-04T21:54:19+00:00

Tell him that that guy was really crap at sex and had small d

Personal-Park4429 · 2023-01-05T03:51:29+00:00

Because he was never my boyfriend

daga2222 · 2023-01-04T21:24:04+00:00

You need to do everything in your power to make him feel secure in himself. If you feel you have already done that, then the relationship is a lost cause. This is precisely why it is so important for women to be extremely, extremely selective and not sleep around.

A man is in competition with all of your ex’s and past life experiences. It’s hardwired in him to be that way.

You can’t change your past, but he does not have to accept it either.

mistressusa · 2023-01-05T01:44:31+00:00

Why do you think your bf has so much trouble with that one specific sex partner you had?

Palais888 · 2023-01-05T01:47:41+00:00

Is there something specific about your ex that would cause him to feel that way?

Title	My boyfriend is insecure about one of my past sex partners
Author	Personal-Park4429
Upvotes	20
Comments	38
Date	January 4, 2023 3:25 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/10369hf/my_boyfriend_is_insecure_about_one_of_my_past_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/my-boyfriend-is-insecure-about-one-of-my-past-sex.1147090 https://theredarchive.com/post/1147090

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